This was an e-mail I found in my Junk Bin. It was so pathetic I couldn't resist. I decided that one way to really make this person feel at ease with me was to go very religious. I mean VERY religious.
Characters:
Scammer: Mrs. Rebecca Garang and her son Richard
Lawyer: Joe Strauss
Me: Mr. Hugh G. Reckshun (I hold many titles in my church)
Here's our story...
___________________________________________________
From: Mrs. Rebecca Garang
Johannesburg, South Africa.
Email: garang.family@gala.net
Good Day,
I am Mrs. Rebecca Garang, the wife of the late vice president of Sudan , Dr. John Garang, who was the former rebel leader of THE SUDAN PEOPLE LIBERATION MOVEMENT (SPLM), who died on Saturday 30th of July 2005 on a sabotaged helicopter crash just three weeks after his inauguration
on the 9th of July 2005 at our capital Khartoum . May his gentle soul rest in peace. Please click this website and read more about the crash: http://southsudanfriends.org/News/GarangKilledInCrash.html
I got your contact through SOUTH AFRICA INFORMATION NETWORK ONLINE (SAINO).I did not disclose the nature of the business to them during the process of searching for a reliable partner/company in , that can assist my family in transferring and investing the sum of US$24 Million (Twenty Four Million United States Dollars) into your company or private account for safe keeping, sharing and investment, hence I decided to email you. Originally, this money was mapped out to procure arms and ammunitions for the SPLM military wing and my husband was solely in charge of organizing this purchase. As the news of the peace agreement reached my husband while he was still in South Africa to make the arms procurement, he used this opportunity to divert this fund for our family future up keep. He was fortunate to be in the republic of South Africa when the news came and he deposited the consignment (CASH) as family valuable for security reasons in a sealed metal box containing the fund with a Security Company in South Africa.
After depositing this fund, he came back and notify me and my eldest son about it and handed over the documents to us before he was inaugurated along with other top SPLM officials. The cabinet of the Incumbent president, Omar Al-Bashir has denied any Government involvement in master minding the death of my husband. As a result of several terrorizations on our life, my two sons and I have to escape from our country to South Africa as POLITICAL ASYLUM SEEKERS. Upon our arrival, we realize that the financial policy of this country does not permit us certain financial rights to such huge amount of money. In view of this, we cannot invest this fund in South Africa , hence I seek your help to assist us transfer this fund out of South Africa for investment purposes. Should you be interested to assist us, please, kindly send me your full names, Brief description of your business and your direct telephone and fax numbers.
I will prefer you to reply my son Richard, via this email: garang.family@gala.net , or telephone number +27 73 929 5995. He shall provide you with more details on this transaction. As a family, we are willing to offer you 30% of the total money for your assistance, while the remaining will be kept for my family investment in your country through your advice. Please note that the continuous existence of my family depends on this fund that is why I took the responsibility of making this initial contact on behalf of my family.
Do remember also that this transaction requires Utmost Trust and Confidentiality. Your earliest response to this proposal will be highly appreciated.
God bless you.
Yours Truly,
Mrs. Rebecca Garang
(For the family)
_____________________________________
Date: 28 Apr 2009 01:52
Subject: Re: FAMILY ASSISTANCE
To: garang.family@gala.net
Dear Mrs. Garang,
I'm sorry for your loss. I realize that there has been some time since your husband was murdered (God rest his soul), but I'm sure every day must be a test on your resolve. I'm sure God is looking down on you with sympathy and love.
I do not know how my information was entered in your SAINTO system, but I'm happy that it was. God has surely put me there to help you in your blessed request. I'm not sure how I can possibly help you, but I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure the money you referred to is not used to purchase Satan's weapons. May Satan be sent to Hell!!!
My wife just read your blessed message and she asked me to help you and your family in any way possible.
Please let me know what needs to be done in your Holy mission. If you simply need to talk, please don't hesitate to write, for I am a holy man of the bible and will try to help you through these troubled times.
As I'm sure you know, since I am a man of the bible, all correspondence between us is strictly confidential and CAN NOT be shared with ANYONE. Nobody but you and I (and your son Richard and my wife Gloria) will know what is said. You have my blessed word on that!
I would love to talk to Richard and help him through these trying times too, but I'm afraid that we do not have a phone and cannot be reached in that way. We do, however, use the blessed phone at our local church, but I'm afraid that we cannot call out of our local county. I'm truly sorry for this.
Your friend,
Spiritual Healer Hugh
______________________________________
From: "Richard Garang"
Dear Hugh,
How are you and your family? I hope all is well. I acknowledge the receipt of your mail and I also thank you for your kindest sympathy and willingness to assist my family in this transaction.
I had a consultation to day with our lawyer together with my Son after he had received your mail and willingness to assist us. We have concluded to do this business transaction with you, with hope that you will not double cross us when this fund is transferred to any of your nominated bank account in your country. I want you to understand that this transaction is a blessing in disguise and accomplish this transaction with trust and transparency as instructed by our lawyer, he requested that your presence is highly needed, Meaning you are required to fly down to South Africa for us to meet in person. Also for you to see and witness everything for yourself, like wise to draw a binding legal agreement that will state the shearing of the fund and investment in your country for the security interest of both parties.
Moreover, you will open a non resident bank account in your name with the help of the lawyer where this money will be deposited as soon as it is released from the security company upon your arrival, for onward transfer to your account in your country. According to our arrangement, your duration of stay here will not be more than 2 to 3 working days. I want to assure you that all the necessary documents to back up this transaction legally will be provided as they are all intact. This is to make the money free from any illegal activities both here in our country and there in your country policy. Please, I want you to try your best to consider this as an option for you to see and witness everything for yourself.
Besides, we do pay charges for safe-keeping of the consignment every month. Your urgent arrival will release us from further payment to the security company. Please send your flight details in order for us to arrange towards welcoming you at the Air port and make reservation for you. The Airport is called O.R Tambo International Airport, which is former Johannesburg International Airport. My son and our lawyer will be at the Airport personally to receive you. We will like to know when you will be able to make the trip to South Africa.
Kindly send your Full Names, Private Telephone and Fax number for easy communication. Once again, I thank you for your anticipated co-operation and wiliness to assist us. For further clarification on this transaction, you can contact my son on +27 73 929 5995.
I hope to hear from you soonest.
God bless you.
Yours Truly,
Richard & Mum,
For the family
______________________________________
Author note: So far I have received a message from the Mom. This last message was also from the Mom (I think). Now comes the lawyer. Richard contacts me now with some info.
______________________________________
From: "Richard Garang"
Dear Sir,
How are you and your family? I hope all is well.
I acknowledge the receipt of your mail and I also thank you for your willingness to assist my family in this transaction.
Besides, in regard to your mail, I have instructed my lawyer to contact you. The lawyer will provide you with details on how to proceed.
My lawyers name is barrister Joe Strauss
His email address is joechmbrln@aol.com
His direct phone: +27 73 966 5747
His fax: +27 11 5075311
He is a very easy going person to work with, I am sure he will be contacting you soonest.
Once again, I thank you for your anticipated co-operation and wiliness to assist us. For further clarification on this transaction, you can contact my son on +27 73 929 5995.
Keep me posted.
God bless you.
Yours Truly,
Richard
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
Subject: Re: MY LAWYER INFO
To: "Richard Garang"
Date: Wednesday, April 29, 2009, 7:16 PM
Richard,
Gloria and I are truly blessed for you have written back to us. And with information about your lawyer!! Thank all that is Holy and Goodly! We did receive a message from him and are going to reply to him next. I just wanted to thank you for allowing us to help you.
You have no idea how worried we were that you would tell us that we could not help you since we cannot come to Africa. Now that you have written back all of our prayers have been answered and we are certain that God is telling us that this is going to happen. Thank you blessed Father in Heaven!!! Gloria and I feel that our two families are slowly being joined by the Holy Father.
By the way, what is your son's name? I told our kids about what we are trying to do and they are VERY excited. Jimmy (our youngest) was so excited by the news that he squirted milk through his nose. When he saw it, he thought the holy spirit was coming out of him! Can you believe that?
Oh, I wanted tell you the good news. I took a spiritual test last week and have been promoted in our church. You will see my new title below. Good luck and may God bless your heart and kidneys!
Your New Family Friend,
Thanatologist 3rd class Hugh
______________________________________
Author note: Now, a word from our lawyer
______________________________________
From: Joe Strauss
Subject: Transaction (Ref: Garang Family)
Date: Wednesday, April 29, 2009, 12:19 PM
Attention: Mr. Hugh
Officially, I will introduce myself as barrister Joe Strauss an attorney at law here in South Africa. I am writing you in connection with your business relationship with Mr. Garang Family.
Mr. Richard has already told me about your willingness to work with us. I can process the transaction and arrange the fund transfer on your behalf. I will need the following to enhance the processing of the transaction on your behalf:-
(1) Your power of attorney; your power of attorney will empower me to sign on your behalf during the processing of any legal documentation in the court and at the bank.(Find sample as attached)
(2) A copy of your International Passport or Drivers License or any Identification document; this will be required to enable me file in the application for the change of ownership at the Court and also during the Account opening at the local bank here in South Africa where the fund will be deposited for further transfer to your nominated bank account.
(3) A sum of $600 USD; this amount is the minimum amount required by the local bank here in South Africa for opening an account, activating and upgradingof it to accommodate the fund to be deposited.
Find as attached herein is a draft copy of the power of attorney, which you will need to complete, sign and return to me, together with the Passport copy or ID Document copy.
You are to send this $600 USD by MONEYGRAM in my PA name given below:-
KENNETH MOUMAH
Johannesburg 2000,
South Africa.
Kindly send the money on the given name in your nearest MONEYGRAM office near you. Remember to give me by email the Senders Name, Address and the control number for my record.
I hope to accomplish the entire process within7 working days immediately I receive the above requirement. You can send the documents by mail or fax; 27 11 507 5311.
Your timely response will be appreciated.
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
Dearest Mr. Seuss,
Thank the bible that we have heard from you! Mr. Richard sent my wife and I a rightous message this morning that you would contact us and YOU HAVE!! Thank you Holy Father!!!
Allow myself to Officially introduce myself. My name is Hugh. I am 47 years old and am married to my lovely wife Gloria. She is 64 years old. We have three children: Jimmy 10, James 12, and Gertrude 16. As I'm sure Mr. Richard has told you, I am a man of the bible and my word is LAW. I'm sure you understand since you are a lawyer.
Since you are Mr. Richard's legal person I feel I can talk to you about this business deal. First, my wife (Gloria) and I are not interested in the money. That poor family has gone through so much with the loss of her husband and his father. Damn you to Hell Satan!!! We simply wish to help in any way Holily we possibly can. We just don't want the money used by Satan's weapons!!!
Our problem is that Mr. Richard originally said that he needed me and Gloria to fly to South Africa to do everything in person. We told him that we cannot fly to Africa because we do not have the sanctified money to do it right now. Is that going to be a problem?
We call upon you that you will tell us that we can still help (Please Lord give us the news that we so desperately want and need to hear so that we can help our new family!!!).
We are thankful to you for helping us enhance the transaction. You are truly an Angel from Anglicanism. However, we have some other questions that we didn't question earlier in our message...
1. Should we use the Power of Attorney document you sent us? If so, we will fill it out and get it back to you. How should we send it to you? I can send it using our US mail.
2. Gloria and I do not drive. We live in a very rural area and ride our horse 'Pepe'. We are going to go get our Passport tomorrow. We spoke to Pastor Savington today about how to get one and he said we will have it in about 3 to 4 weeks. I'll keep you informed of the godly progress!
3. Since we are not going to have our passports for a couple weeks, do we have to wait to set up the new bank account? We hope not because we must thwart Satan at all costs!!!
We will wire the consecrated money as soon as we hear back from you.
Sincerely,
Thanatologist 3rd class Hugh G. Reckshun
______________________________________
Author note: I thought this person had already peaked at his patheticness. Man, was I wrong! They try to pull at the heart strings to help grease the wheels. Please don't think that I heartless. Of course I feel for the poor woman. So, I have to let Richard know that I am willing to help.
______________________________________
From: Richard Garang
Subject: Please join me in prayer
Date: Thursday, April 30, 2009, 7:15 AM
Dear Brother in Christ,
Thank you very much for the mail. I believe that all things works together for good for them that loves God and all that are called according to his will. My late Fathers Name is Dr. John, my mother is Rebecca, while my name is Richard. My mother is sick and has been in the Hospital for the past five days now. Please join me in prayer for Gods’ mercy. I am also remembering you and your entire family in prayer for Gods protection. I wish that we could finish this business as quickly as possible so that my mother and I could come over to you in the US . So that she can at least get a better treatment there.
Barrister Strauss is a humble and God fearing lawyer whom have been of great assistance to our family since our arrival here in South Africa , I will urge you to cooperate with him so that we can complete this transaction within the shortest possible time.
May Gods presence and blessings be with you and your family! Amen.
Best regards,
Richard Garang.
______________________________________
My Brother Richard,
May God bless this message and ensure that it is received in a timely, holy manner for it is important that Richard and his mother receive it in your holy, electronic manner...amen.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE! Gloria and I have been praying for the both of you since we have first communicated together. It is truly the will of God that we have been brought together in his goodliness and merciness. It is so refreshing that we have come together and are so religulous and divine. I can tell that you are honest and goodlyrific. And that gives me a warm and gentle feeling in my loins.
Please tell me which church you go to. Is there anything your church may need? I would love to send some money to help them too. Our church got a really big box of crackers. They're not as good as Ritz crackers or saltines, but if you're really hungry, they'll do in a pinch. Being the only Thanatologist gives me certain liberties in the storeroom (don't tell anybody). If you like I can send some to your church. Just let me know.
I am so repentant knowing that your Mother (God bless her heart and arteries) is ill. Oh how Satan has inflicted his cruelty upon your family. Damn you Satan!! You are truly the Devil!!! Believe me when I tell you that Gloria and I are doing everything within our holy power to get everything in order for our transaction.
I cannot imagine your internal vigor to keep going each day knowing that your mother is ill and how your father (God rest him down) was burned inside a crashed helicopter. I mean, his body must have been scorched! I can only imagine what the crash site smelled like. I bet it smelled a lot like hot dogs. I really LOVE hot dogs (I just don't like them burned up like your dad was).
Gloria and I have cleared a place on our dinner table for a picture of you and your mother. Could you please send a picture of the two of you? I will print it out on our color printer and put it in the "special" spot. It would really give us a gladness having you so close. We will light a candle every night for your family.
I spoke to the kids about your situation, and the kids want to make some special treats for you. They are little devil's food cakes that have tiny pictures of Satan on them. This way you can bite into Satan and kill him like he did to your father (God rest is soul and other bits).
Please send me your address and we'll send them out to you as soon as the kids get done painting them.
Do not fear giving me your address because I am the ONLY person who knows about our business deal. I have told NOBODY!!! When I went to the bank today, the person asked why I wanted to withdraw $600.00. I told her that I was going to buy a new horse. Pepe is getting old and everyone knows that. So, it made a great story.
Would you like for me to send you a message when I wire the money to your bannister? Please remember to send the photo of your family. And, please let me know your church and address. The kids are overjoyed thinking about helping you and your mother.
Please send our LOVE to your lovely mother. And may the glow and warmth of God warm your spleen.
Thanatologist 3rd class Hugh
______________________________________
Author note: After telling Mr. Strauss that I have to get a passport and do not have a drivers license, he finally got back to me regarding my legal questions. I guess Africa will allow you to open a bank account with just about anything...
______________________________________
From: Joe Strauss
Subject: Your Church ID is fine.
Date: Thursday, April 30, 2009, 8:45 AM
Attention: Mr. Hugh
Thank you for the mail, your points has been noted.
You are to complete the empty space in the power of attorney, sign it and then scan and send to me by email or better send it through by fax: +27 11 507 5311
As for the passport, your can send a copy of any identification document not necessarily your international passport. Your Church ID can also be acceptable if you have it.
Remember to send the control number together with the senders name and address when you send the money by MONEYGRAM on my PA name as I have previously given in my last mail. You are to classify the money as gift to your friend in South Africa , as they do not accept sending business money.
Yours truly,
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
Re: Your Church ID is fine.
Thursday, April 30, 2009 9:31 PM
From: "Hugh G. Reckshun"
To: "Joe Strauss"
Dearest Mr. Strauss,
Thank you so much getting back to me so quickly. Gloria and I are so happyrifical to be able to help out Mr. Richard and his family. He sent us a message today telling us that his poor Mother is sick and in the hospital. We are very concerned for her and want to get everything done as quickly as possible.
I would like to send her some flowers to help spread the joy and beauty of Gods flowers to her. I pray to the bible and all that is holy in HIS name that you will send me the address. It will truly warm my loins if you will do that.
I do not have a scanner on my computer, but I will purchase one tomorrow so that I can send you the power of attorney form. By the way, since you are a barrister, should we call this document a 'Power of Barrister' form? I just want to make sure everything is legal in your country. I'm counting on you to make sure we do nothing illegal that would jeopardize the transaction. We want to keep Satan out of this!!
I'm afraid that our church does not have a formal ID card. Our church uses tattoos with all of our information. Each tattoo is "painted" on our inner thigh in the shape of the cross. The other thigh has a tattoo of Satan being struck down by God. It is very ornate and takes 3 weeks to complete. It has all of our information, but I cannot send that to you.
Is there another form of ID? Gloria and I have had our pictures taken and sent in the passport information. They said they will be finished by June 1st. at the earliest. Is there another form of ID that the banks in Africa will accept? Please Lord let the banks accept a simpler form of ID so that we may better help our new family...amen.
I withdrew the money this morning from our bank account. They asked me why I was taking out so much money and I told them that our horse, Pepe was ill and needed medical treatment. It's really quite sad because Pepe does need some medical help. He has allergies and sneezes quite a bit. Just the other day, he sneezed so hard that he pooped on our dog (Putt-Putt). It was quite disgusting, but what can you do?
We will wire the money tomorrow morning and let you know the control number, name, and passcode. I will send it to the following:
Joe Strauss Esq.
Johannesburg 2000
South Africa.
Please get me all of Mr. Richards mother's patient information so that I can send that poor woman some flowers. Satan has thrust his badness into that family and they need some of the light of the holy lightness.
Thanks again,
Thanatologist 3rd class Hugh
______________________________________
Author note: At this point it appeared that my new friend had figured out that I was not really going to help him. So, I decided to get BACK IN THE GAME. With these people, the only way to do that is to show them the money...and I did. Except, without the money.
______________________________________
Dear Mr. Strauss,
In my message yesterday I found an error in the name to send the money to. Thank the Lord that I printed a copy of the message!!! Thank you Lord!!
I immediately saw my mistake and had the wrong name. I believe it was an honest mistake because I do not know who Kenneth Moumah is. Since you are a barrister-in-law, I trust that you know this person and do indeed trust him.
Anyway, I went to our local MoneyGram office and have sent $650.00. I know that I was only supposed to send $600.00, but I hope that you will take the additional $50 and purchase some flowers for Mr. Richard's sick mother.
I was told by the woman in the office that you will need the following information:
Sender’s name: Hugh G. Reckshun
Recipient’s name: Kenneth Moumah
Amount sent: $650
Test question: What is God's name?
Answer: God
Reference number: 46926465
If you would be so kind to purchase those flowers, I would be forever in your debt.
May God lighten your feet on your journey to the MoneyGram office.
Sincerely,
Thanatologist 2nd class Hugh
______________________________________
Dear Mr. Hugh,
I got the payment instruction you sent. I will update you by Monday morning.
I am doing my very best to ensure that this business is successfully completed at the very minimum cost within the shortest possible time. For the above reason, I would appreciate if you adhere to my instructions at every pointing time.
I would like you to understand that there is urgent need to finalize the transaction. This is because a senior Banker at the South African Reserve Bank, who instructed the local bank manager to open the account to enhance the facilitation of the transaction, was with us 2 days ago during our political party meeting. He told me that there is urgent need to finish this business before the inauguration of the new president elect because he will dissolve the cabinet together with all political appointed once he takes over Government and this may jeopardize our transaction if we delay further.
I will need you to send a copy of your photo passport and your full address so that I will support it with an affidavit to complete the transaction. I will also need you to return the power of attorney as to enable me proceed without further delay. You do not need to worry about the ID since you denied having any.
I got a call from the garang family, Mrs. Garang is terribly sick. Please pray for her.
Your timely response will be appreciated.
Regards
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
Invalid reference no
Saturday, May 2, 2009 7:42 AM
From: "Joe Strauss"
Dear Mr. Hugh,
It is surprising when Mr. Kenneth told me that there was no money sent. I also called the MONEYGRAM office only to be told that the reference number is invalid. I dont know what to say to them because I could not call you to reconfirm if may be you typed an incorrect number or something.
Kindly correct this information and also send your full address together with your PASSPORT PHOTO to me as to enable me proceed with the necessary application first thing on Monday.
Thank you and have a nice weekend.
Yours truly,
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
Subject: Re: Invalid reference no#
To: "Joe Strauss"
Date: Sunday, May 3, 2009, 9:40 PM
Dear Mr. Suess,
I'm so very sorry to have kept you waiting! Gloria and I took the kids on our blessed annual 'Holy Heaven Compunction Excommunication Extravaganza' over the weekend and just returned home. Actually, it's our entire church. We go to the New Discovery State Park in Vermont and camp for the Lord. We have all kinds of holy games and blessed events for the kids. At the end, we build a 25 foot tall effigy of a moose and fill it with bacon and gin and then set it on fire. We are certain that God looks down on us with pride because it has NEVER rained once in over 25 years. How many people can say that?
I am certain that Satan is trying to spite our holy endeavor! Satan Go to Hell!!!! I'm sorry for my language Mr. Suess. It is simply because I am under so much stress trying to make sure that Mrs. Garang and her son get that money and we keep it out of Satan's hands!
I have looked at the message I sent on Friday and found the error. Here is the proper code for the divine money transfer:
Sender’s name: Hugh G. Reckshun
Recipient’s name: Kenneth Moumah
Amount sent: $650
Test question: What is God's name?
Answer: God
Reference number: 46962465
I am truly sorry for the miscommunication and beg for your forgiveness. I am certain that we will be able to help the Garang family with the help of the Lord and the little angels who fly by his side. I feel terrible that my typographicaligocal error has postponed the transfer by 2 days. Satan is BAD!!! Please use this CORRECT code to retrieve the sanctimonious money. May the mercy of God and his electronic angels transfer the money to you as quickly as the lightning that will smite Satan forever...amen.
Gloria was reading your message to me and you mentioned the passport again. I'm afraid that I cannot make our government work any faster than it already is. You had mentioned that our hallowed church ID would work, but I told you how our 'Blessed Church of Divine War Against Satan' uses tattoo's instead of cards. So, I went ahead and scanned my local library card. I'm not certain that it will help, but I'm sure that with the grace of God and the bible it will help you in some, small way.
I have also filled out the 'Power of Barrister' for you. I got everything from the bank except for the IBAN code. The woman at the bank was new and said that she was going to have to check on that since it was for international transactions. I told her to please hurry because there is a poor woman who was lying in a hospital dreaming of the day she can come to America and have the American dream! Please ask Mrs. Garang what her dream is. I will make sure that it comes true (even if that means dressing up a pig, naming it Bob and riding it like a pony).
YOU are truly a SAINT Mr. Suess. Mr. Richard told me that you were a religious man and a good man and a fearful man. I too am all of those things, and being a true thanatologist, I can see the good in people. If it weren't for you, the poor Garang family would be in dire straits with Satan knocking on the door.
Please keep me informed of Mrs. Garang's hospital condition, and please send our love and fondness to Richard and let him know that we are going to make sure everything works smoothly to the end. WE MUST KEEP THAT MONEY AWAY FROM SATAN!!!
Thank you so much for your understanding and care,
Thanatologist 1st class Hugh
______________________________________
From: Joe Strauss
Subject: Find contract Attached.
Date: Monday, May 4, 2009, 10:38 AM
Dear Mr. Hugh,
For this business to continue find as attached is a contract Agreement sample, which you must have to complete your full address, endorse your signature on each page and then return a scanned or fax back to me to Notarize with the notary public to ensure that it is binding.
I am obliged at this point to stress my lack of confidence in your sincerity with regards to the fund and the Garang family. This fact was confirmed this morning when the MONEYGRAM office rejected control number you sent for the second time. They said the number is fictitious and nonexistent.
How can any business minded person assume that a multi-million dollars deal could be conducted over the Internet, you have refused the offer to come here in person for the business, you do not have any valid telephone number or existing address. As far as I am concern, your present location is a mystery, your claim, as a clergy remains a mystery.
You can only prove this points wrong when you sign the attached contract and supply me with the following information:-
Your full name
Your physical address
Your direct telephone numbers.
I have taken my time for the Gods’ sake to reconsider giving you a second chance in this transaction. For your information, I am an accredited Advocate here in South Africa. I have no time to waste on cock and bull stories that you recycle in each of your mails. Send confirmable evidence for your commitment in this transaction, it is only then we can continue in this deal.
I will advice you to forget about this transaction, should you decline to provide the stated request with 24hrs from this hour.
Thank you and have a nice day!
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
Author note: Can you believe this guy?!? He's calling me a liar! He was the liar first!
______________________________________
Re: Find contract Attached.
Monday, May 4, 2009 9:31 PM
To: "Joe Strauss"
Mr. Suess,
I would like to start out by saying that I DON'T APPRECIATE your tone with me!!! You are basically calling me a liar and I will NOT stand for it!
I have done EVERYTHING you have asked of me while YOU have done NOTHING for ME!! I have repeatedly asked for information on Mrs. Garang condition yet you respond with nothing more than accusations about my character. You say that you are doing God's work yet you behave like SATAN!!!
As a man of the bible I am thoroughly disgusted at your attitude and am not sure you are a man of goodliness and light! You mock my clergyness and my church. I hold 47 titles in my church but you can only say that you are a barrister! I have seen the light and touch of God. I have even felt the warmth in my loins. What can YOU say!?!
I will address your repellent finger-pointings:
1. I am going to go to the mendacious MONEYGRAM office tomorrow to find out EXACTLY what has happened to my rightous money. I have the receipt for the entire transaction. If you simply ask for it I will scan it and send you the undefilable copy! However, I will NOT accept any ruthless DEMANDING from your unholy keyboard!!!
2. You say that you do not trust me because Gloria and I cannot fly to Africa, yet I have explained in DETAIL why God has not provided the money we desperately need to do so. If you would like to send us plane tickets to fly there, we will be happy and enlightened to do so. Yet, I am sure Satan will not allow this because it would ensure that the money will not be used by him and his devilettes!
3. As for the telephone, you clearly do not know what it is like to live in a RURAL area. God has given us our blessed maple syrup, and clean air, but we do not have super-fantastic cellular service. We also live in a very small pious community...amen! We have no need for a phone. However, if you would like to speak to Pastor Savington his number is 1-978-769-3485 (if you do NOT call him, I will consider YOU the LIAR!!!)
4. Not ONCE have you asked for my ADDRESS! You have asked for my passport repeatedly. Gloria and I have already taken steps to get them, but YOU have needed something immediately. You even told me that a CHURCH ID was fine for everything you needed. As I have already told you, our divine church does not use something as asinine as a plastic card so I sent you a scanned copy of my library card.
5. How can you say that I do NOT want to help?!? You asked for $600 and I am trying to send you $650 so that the additional money can be used to purchase God's flowers for Mrs. Garang. I would hope that something as simple as THAT would prove to you how much we want to help.
I am a forgiving Thanatologist and have spoken to God, my bible, Pastor Savington and my lovely wife Gloria about your blameful, heinous, iniquitous allegations. They have all asked me to forgive you and turn my cheeks. It is for this reason that I will give YOU a final chance to help us help you and help Mrs. Garang and help Mr. Richard. You are going to have to give me the following to show that you are a holy man of Godliness...
a. You must formally apologize to me and my family
b. You must give me an address so my children can send some devil food cakes to Mr. Richard and his poor, sickly mother
As I said, I am going to go to the MONEYGRAM office tomorrow to find out what is wrong with the money transfer. I PROMISE that I will get to the bottom of this and everything will be worked out tomorrow. If you wish for a scanned copy of the receipt, I will do so after points A and B are completed by your barristorshipness.
I will only fill out the irreligious contract IF and WHEN you complete my pious requests! I do hope that you will do so in a timely manner because we TRULY wish to help. Gloria and the kids are terribly upset by your message and only wish for everyone to be happy and healthy and holy.
I will not lie to you. I am hurt. I am hurt down in my soul. I am hurt down in my lower intestines. You have hurt me. You have hurt me with your typing. You have hurt me with your words. You have hurt me with your hurtfulness. I have included one of my favorite quotes from the bible. I hope you take it to heart.
Luke 16:10 - Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much...
Please respond quickly for I know that Mrs. Garang needs our holy, blessed, goodly, happy, prayerful, spotless, untainted help.
Thanatologist 1st class Hugh
______________________________________
Author note: Mr. Strauss didn't contact me the next day. I figured, I should show my resolve and truly see if he was dropping me.
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
To: Joe Strauss
| Mr. Suess, Since you have not responded to my message I can only assume that you no longer wish to do business with me. For that I am deeply saddened. I found out what the problem was at the MONEYGRAM office and have the instructions on how you are to retrieve the money (it had nothing to do with me). If I do not hear from you by tomorrow, I will cancel the money transfer and will consider you to be dead to me and my family. Good day, Thanatologist 1st class with stars Hugh |
______________________________________
Author note: I guess the chance that there might be money was enough of a pull. Mr. Strauss (Suess) didn't send me my apology, but I DID get a message from Richard.
______________________________________
From: "Richard Garang"
Dear Brother in Christ,
How are you and your family?
Barrister Struass come to see us this morning. He was asking our permission to drop you from the transaction. We have told him to give us some time to communicate with you. He said that you are taking the transaction for granted.
We have been thanking God for leading us to a God fearing family like yours to help us in this business but I cannot understand what is going on right now. The lawyer said that you sent him fake MONEYGRAM information 2 times for the $600 to open a bank account in your name. He also said that you did not want to sign the contract agreement.
Kindly sign the contract and return to the lawyer and Please send the correct MONEYGRAM information to him if you have actually sent.
Please update me from time to time so that we will be informed about the situation. I did not want to tell my mother about this matter so that she will not be upset.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Thank you and God Bless.
Best regards,
Richard.
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
To: Richard Garang
My Brother Richard,
Thank the Lord and bible that I have heard from you!! I believe that you believe that I am a trustworthy man. I believe that you believe that I want nothing more than to help you and your poor sickly mother. And I believe that you believe that I believe in God and the bible.
I thank God every day that we have met. I feel like our 2 families have been joined in the Holy handshake of love and business. My only desire is to help you in your hour of need. You have no idea how happy the thought of communicating with you makes me. I wait EVERY DAY for a message from you because you make me so happyrifical! I don’t think you knew that, but it IS true!
I am NOT happy with Barrister Suess! He has hurt my feelings. He has made me cry. I am so upset I haven’t eaten in 2 days. Gloria made me macaroni and cheese with little hotdogs cooked in (you know how much I like hotdogs!). I’m so saddened, I didn’t eat one little bit. I could not sleep last night knowing that he thinks horrendous things about me! He is calling me a LIAR!!!! Brother Richard, I am a Thanatologist 1st class with gold stars!!!! I am not allowed to lie!!!
He says that I am sending FAKE MONEYGRAM information. I spoke to the woman in the MONEGRAM office and found that my MONEYGRAM office here in the US has been having computer trouble and they have told me how to retrieve the money in the Africa office.
I wanted it to be surprise, but I am sending an extra $50 for flowers for your sickly mother! If I were lying, would I add MORE money? I think NOT!!!
I HAVE filled out the contract and it is ready to send.
I will send the completed contract AND the MONEYGRAM information when Mr. Suess apologizes to me.
If he does not send me a message apologizing then I will know that he is working for Satan and does not wish to help me help you.
I pray for Mr. Suess to see that I am not a liar. I pray for Mr. Suess to see how hurtful his immoral words are to my loins. I pray that he will send me words of LOVE and apologiness so that my heart can mend and beat with the love of the Garang family again. I pray that he sends me the apology so that we can complete our transaction.
Your friend,
Thanatologist 1st class with Gold Stars Hugh
______________________________________
From: Richard Garang
Subject: My God reward you for all your efforts
To: Hugh G. Reckshun
Date: Thursday, May 7, 2009, 3:42 AM
Subject: My God reward you for all your efforts
To: Hugh G. Reckshun
Date: Thursday, May 7, 2009, 3:42 AM
Dear Brother in Christ,
I can see that God has blessed you understanding and the increase of his faith in you is appreciated. Sorry for making you pass through those horrible expirience but I want you to also remmember that you are doing all you are doing for the sake of my family and not for the lawyer.
You know he is a lawyer. Please I do not want us to continue like this. My mother is dying. There is no time for us to continue wasting another day because of the lawyer. Please send the details to him. I will give him instructions. Please send it so that we can move forward.
My God reward you for all your efforts and assistance to my family.
Best Regards,
Richard.
I can see that God has blessed you understanding and the increase of his faith in you is appreciated. Sorry for making you pass through those horrible expirience but I want you to also remmember that you are doing all you are doing for the sake of my family and not for the lawyer.
You know he is a lawyer. Please I do not want us to continue like this. My mother is dying. There is no time for us to continue wasting another day because of the lawyer. Please send the details to him. I will give him instructions. Please send it so that we can move forward.
My God reward you for all your efforts and assistance to my family.
Best Regards,
Richard.
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
To: Richard Garang
| My Dearest Brother Richard, I appreciate your kind, loving, caressing words Richard. I really do. They give me warmth and joy in my lungs and esophogus. Please don't think I take you and your Mother's situation lightly. I feel terrible that Satan is standing over your mother strangling the life out of her heavenly body. I know that he is trying to gouge her eyes out with his fingers of evilness. I LOVE you Richard. I LOVE the fact that you write me messages of love and faithfulness. I LOVE that your messages bring me joy and fulfillmentness. But you must appreciate my position. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't watch American Idol. I can't walk to my refrigerator, pull out a diet Dr. Pepper, pop the top, pour it into a dirty glass, walk over to my table, sit down, pick up the newspaper, read 3 articles, take a sip, read some more, take another sip, scratch where it itches, finish the glass, and burp. NONE OF THAT HAPPENS ANYMORE!!! All because Dr. Suess has called me a LIAR!!! If he was calling you a LIAR I think you would feel terrible too. I know how important this hallowed, blessed transaction is. I know that your mother is dying and may only have days before she is ringing the doorbell at Heaven's front door. I NEED this transaction to take place because I want you and your mother to be happyrifical. I have every sublime document scanned and ready to send. I WANT to send them. I NEED to feel the joy and rapture of clicking the Send button on my e-mail. I NEED to hear the click from my mouse when I click the Send button on my e-mail. Clearly Dr. Suess is not a man of the bible and refuses to send me the apology I so RICHLY deserve. I suppose if YOU were to send me his apology I will feel better and be able to drink my diet Dr. Pepper and eat the macaroni and cheese (with little hotdogs) again. Richard, PLEASE SEND ME THE APOLOGY!!! I am crying right now as I type this message. If it were paper, you would see the salty stains of my tears on it. Once I read the apology, I will send the documents to the immoral, unholy, vile Dr. Suess. The very thought makes me feel badly in my colons! Please hurry with my angelic apology. The woman at the MONEYGRAM office said that Dr. Suess has to pick up the money in Africa by May 9th or it gets removed. I wanted this to be a surprise...but when I went to the MONEYGRAM office the other day, I added another $100. I feel terrible how this is taking so long. So, the total is now $750. I want you to get a larger bouquet of flowers for your Mother and also some flowers for yourself. This should help bring the flowers of God into your home and make the honey bee of your heart sing with joy and pollen. Your brother in the garden of love and Thanatologist 1st class with gold stars and grasshoppers Hugh |
______________________________________
Author note: He shoots. He SCORES!!! I have finally received my apology from Mr. Strauss (aka Dr. Suess). This is better than I could have ever hoped!!! I get the apology from the guy lying to me because he said I lied to him. Priceless. And, I am practically guaranteed to get him to go to the Moneygram office a 3rd time!
______________________________________
From: "joechmbrln@aol.com"
To: Hugh G. Reckshun
Dear Mr. Hugh,
With due respect, I hope you would understand that the content of my mail to you the other day was not to dishonor and disrespect your person. The ethics of my professional discipline has placed me in the position of transparency and commitment.
I apologize for haven mistaken my communication to be offence and disrespectful. I hope you will understand.
I will be looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Best regards,
Joe Strauss Esq.
______________________________________
From: Hugh G. Reckshun
To: Joe Strauss (joechmbrln@aol.com)
Mr. Suess, I accept your apology. It takes a big man to admit that he was wrong. It takes a bigger man to accept the apology from the wrong man. I AM that man. You will be happy to know that I no longer think you are in league with Satan. As a licensed Thanatologist 1st class with Gold Stars and grasshoppers I am forbidden to lie. I am also forbidden from telling people of secret stuff (like this). I am also forbidden from kissing kangaroo's on the lips and stomping on their tails. As you can see, I have attached the completed, scanned, electronic, holy contract. With this holy document and the money you requested, this should fulfill my obligations and help get the money the Garang family needs so desperately to save Mrs. Garang from the hold of Satan. May God bless her heart and stomach...amen. I wrote to Mr. Richard today and told him about the contract and the MONEYGRAM transfer. When I was there the other day, I added an extra $100 making the sum $650 + $100 = $750. Here is the initial detail: Sender’s name: Hugh G. Reckshun Recipient’s name: Kenneth Moumah Amount sent: $750 Test question: What is God's NEW name? Answer: God Reference number: 46962465 When you go to the office, you must tell them to do the following on their computer:
I hope that we can put our differences behind us and let them wash away with the holy rain that falls from God's eyes...amen. Sincerely, Thanatologist 1st class with Gold Stars and Grasshoppers Hugh ______________________________________ Author note: I know I mentioned that I wanted this person to go to the Moneygram office at least 3 times. I was expecting this next message to be one of outrage and fury. Once you read his message you will see why I am now shooting for FIVE flippin' trips!!!! Let us all pray... ______________________________________ From: "joechmbrln@aol.com" To: Hugh G. Reckshun Dear Mr. Hugh, Thank you for the kind response. I regret to inform you that the reference number was declared INVALID once again. I will recommend that you withdraw the money and resend it again the same time. To correct these problems at once better go to another MONEYGRAM agent and resend it. MONEYGRAM is presently the most convenient way to send and receive money worldwide. I was informed that the control number is nonexistent in their system. I hope to hear from you soon. Best regards, Joe Strauss Esq. ______________________________________ Dear Mr. Suess, Thank you for bringing this to my attention. The Lord has definitely placed you in this consecrated transaction to help make sure Satan is held at bay. Rest assured that I went to the MONEYGRAM office and retrieved the money. The person working there was flabbergasted that the money was not picked up. She was shocked when I told her how you have been to your MONEYGRAM office 3 times and they had no record of the transaction. I will not lie to you when I tell you that I RAISED MY VOICE TO HEAVEN and told her how I felt SATAN was working their computers. I then told her the following scripture to help her do her job better… Ecclesiastics 3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance Gloria and I decided to take the kids to White River Junction to go to the MONEYGRAM office there. We took the church bus (actually, it's a 1982 minivan that the kids painted bible verses on). There were several families going to White River Junction with us. It was a very devotional event. We sang songs on the way. One of my favorite songs is "The Lord enlightens me like an encyclopedia", but the kids enjoyed singing "Gods tears water my plants". I liked both of them equally. We feel absolutely terrible that Mrs. Garang is lying in a hospital right now with Satan standing over her breathing evil in her face (God bless her heart and hypothalamus). Stop it Satan! You are a bad bad devil!!! We hope that God will send Satan back to Hell and pump her heart with his divine hand...amen. I found the MONEYGRAM office in White River Junction and I have made CERTAIN the money is on its way. You will need the following information: Sender’s name: Hugh G. Reckshun Recipient’s name: Kenneth Moumah Amount sent: $750 Test question: Where is Mrs. Garang? Answer: In Satan's headlock Reference number: 65248745 Please make sure the extra $150 is spent on flowers for Mr. Richards and his mother. For, they need to see the beauty of Gods flowers and baby's breath and vases. Dear Lord make sure the money is sent in its full electronic juncture ensuring it's divine work can be fulfilled by the Garang family and Mr. Suess...amen. Sincerely, Thanatologist 1st class with Gold Stars and Grasshoppers Hugh ______________________________________ Well, I'm sorry to say that I got my hopes up too soon. I never heard from him again. I tried one last time, but nothing. Oh well, at least I wasted a week of his time. But, now my new goal is 4 times. |
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment