Imoh and the Baby

I couldn’t pass up this particular scam because it doesn’t just “tug” at the heartstrings…it frickin’ YANKS them. I wanted to see just how far this joker was willing to go. I figured the best character for this was a helpful woman who simply can’t stand by while someone is trying to protect the woman he loves and his unborn baby.


Characters:

Scammer:  Imoh Derek (with girlfriend Chioma)
Scammer e-mail:  helpmsirnmadam12@gmail.com
Me:  Ms. Tess Steckle and her cat Mr. Fluffykins

Here’s our story…
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Dear friend,


Good day, my name is Imoh Derek from nigeria ,please have mercy on me and listen to what i have to say,i made a mistake i shouldnt have made,but that will not make me to sin again, my girlfriend got pregnant for me and i cannot deny being responsible for the pregnancy,i am a poor youngman but she came from a rich family,we both love each other and i want to give the child the chance to live and see life, but her father wants the baby to be ABORTED by all means,the pregnancy is upto one month plus and her life will be at stake on aborting the baby, the father never considered all these things simply because he wanted her to marry his business partner,he has ordered his guards to beat me up and yet he is not ready to give up.
sir/madam, please i know i do not know you before but since friends and relatives have left me alone to suffer for my mistake,i decided to ask for help anywhere,i would have gone to look for a job but her father has sent his boys on a look out for me and God help me if they find me,my good friend whom am leaving with at the moment gave me his internet laptop computer and access, he suggested i seak help through the internet,he said that that is the best he could do for me,please i ask for your favour to help me financialy,nomatter how little ,just to give this child a chance to live again,i have ran away with Chioma my girlfriend,and i intend to stay away till she puts to bed so that the safety of our baby will be gauranteed,but now,we find it very difficult to feed properly,not to talk of taking her to hospital for medical check-ups.
please i realy need your help for i am very broke and confused.
please if you have any financial support for us,let me know, the child will live with your help,success,favour and blessings will never
depart from you nor your household as you hear the cry of the poor and come to my rescue.
thanks you and remain blessed for your understanding as i await your reply.
regards,


Imoh Derek.


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Dear Mr. Imoh,

Being a woman of the new millennium, I can honestly say that I’m outraged by the behavior of Chimama’s father! The very thought of him sending his “boys” to beat you up just makes me see red!!!

I will be more than happy to help you and Chimika and your poor, unborn baby.

Please let me know how I can help.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Thank you very much Tess for replying to my mail,i feel some relief knowing that someone cares and feels for my situation,i do not know you but my God will find you and bless you accordingly.

i intend to travel to our neighouring country(Ghana) with my girl,by so doing,our safety and that of our unborn baby will be gauranteed,but i need some money for atleast our flight fee and some other little needs which would cost about $2,500(usd),but any amount you can afford will be very very much appreciated.

Because i do not operate an account of my own,You can send us any amount you wish to help us with through western union or monegram stransfer(any one that is convinience and stress free for you) using my name as stated below;

Name:Imoh Derek
Address: Lagos state, Nigeria

Please also remember to send me a scanned attached copy of the payment slip so i could use the informations contained in it to lay claims to any amount you sent us.

MOST IMPORTANTLY,PLEASE DO NOT USE ANY FORM OF SECURITY SHIELD TO SEND THE MONEY,AS I HAVE ENCOUNTERED A PROBLEM IN THE PAST(LAST WEAK) TRYING TO RECEIVE FUNDS THROUGH IT FROM A GOOD FELLOW LIKE YOU,AND ALONG THE LINE I LOSS THE MONEY,PLEASE JUST ASK THEM TO TRANSFER IT DIRECTLY AND GIVE YOU THE SLIP,this box is my personal box,so any information you sent will get to me alone.

God bless you as i await to hear from you.

Regards,

IMoh Derek.
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Author note: I love how his message tells me to eliminate any method to protect myself when I send money to him. He is basically telling me he's a liar.

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Dear Mr. Imoh,

Thank you for your kind words. I’m sure God is looking down at all of us and shaking his head and smiling. He might even be washing his hands with a special, Holy liquid hand soap with lotion so his hands stay soft and clean and holy.

I think it’s a great idea that you and Chiniqua travel to Ghana. I’m sure her father and his “boys” will NEVER find you there. You are being very clever and thoughtful. I can tell that you are going to be a good father.

I’m a little confused though about the cost of the airfare and sundries you mentioned. I did some checking on my “computer” and found that the distance between Lagos and Ghana is approximately 257 miles. What kind of plane were you going to use? I’m sure there aren’t any commercial airlines that travel that minimal distance.

I’m afraid that your heightened stress level is causing you to misjudge and miscalculate your travel options. Allow me to help. I bet you could hire a taxi to take you there for $200.00 (including tip). I’m also concerned about Chimaiya flying while pregnant. Any plane travelling that distance would, most likely, be something extremely small that’s held together with metal hangers and duct tape.

I think travelling by bus or car is your best bet.

Look into the different options I outlined and let me know what you find. If you need any help, please count on me. I love to help.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Tess,

Thank you very much for your concern,you are really caring and understanding,your kind is very rare to find in this crazy world of ours,but the same God that gave you a good heart will always bless and suppy your needs in his abundant riches and glory.

Yes i think taking a taxi will be ok and it will also save cost,but if you read my mail very well,you will find out that i said {TAKE CARE OF OTHER NEEDS}, Ghana is a new land to me,so i intend the rent a one-room apartment in Ghana for me and chioma instead of staying in a hotel which will be a waste of money,i also intend to feed chioma properly and take care of her medical expenses pending i would be able to find something to do to earn money by myself.

Dear Tess,i understand that times are hard,so any amount you could afford will be highly appreciated.

Thanks for your understanding.

Regards,

Derek.
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Author note: I thought it would be helpful to find out as much as I could about Ghana to help them understand the different culture and sights. I found a website with obscure trivia. So, I decided to share.
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Dear Mr. Imoh,

Oh dear, I hope you didn’t think I didn’t read your message. I read every word of your messages, but I was crying at the time and I think the tears may have blurred that particular part. The predicament you and Chimoya are in right now literally breaks my heart.

I’m very happy that you’ve decided to go to Ghana by taxi. I do think it’s the best mode of transportation for the both of you (and the baby). I think you might even find the trip to be exciting too. You’ll be able to talk to the different people and take in some of the sights.

I’ve been reading as much as I can about Ghana so I can better help you and Chimiqua. Did you know that Lake Bosumtwi in Ghana formed in a hollow created by a meteorite? Isn’t that fascinating?!?

I found that Ghana means “warrior king” and when you want to say “Merry Christmas” in Ghana, you say “Afishapa”. Another little known fact is that it’s not rude to pick your nose in public. Although I find that intriguing, I also find it to be a little repulsive and unsanitary. I don’t recommend you or Chimana do this because you could get sick and that would be bad for the baby.

I have a very good friend who used to live in Ghana and when I told her that you were looking to get an apartment she was thrilled and gave me some names of people who can help you find a clean and economical place to live. You don’t have to thank me now, but I called one of the number and spoke to a lovely man named Mr. Ifekh who is sending me photos of 2 apartments.

I’m going to wire some money to you tomorrow. I got to the bank too late today because I had to take Mr. Fluffykins (my cat) to the vet for a checkup. They found a lump on his tail and wanted to keep him overnight for observation.

Please take care of yourself and your girlfriend and your unborn baby.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Ohh!!! Tess,

Are you sure you are from this part of the world? you must be God sent to our lives,i do not know what to say because i am short of words,i promise you that once i receive the money and arrive Ghana safely with Chioma,i will keep on contacting you from there.

Since we neither have silver nor gold to pay you back with for your kindness,Chioma and i have decided that once the baby is born safely,we will honour you by asking you to name our baby for us,and any name you choose will just be ok with us.

Thanks a million as we wait to hear from you by tommorrow.

Regards,

Imoh Derek.
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Author note: They are going to let me name their unborn child!!! I have to find the “perfect” name for this little bundle of love.
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Dear Imoh,

You lovely man! I can’t believe you are going to allow me to name your baby. How wonderful!!! I have some name ideas.

If it’s a boy:
1. Peregrino
2. Terach
3. Deodar
4. Wadly
5. Marland
6. Bingo
7. Palmerston

If it’s a girl:
1. Vigilia
2. Godgreyda
3. Eberta
4. Laurence
5. Auberta
6. Agrippina
7. Angharad

I’m going to pick up Mr. Fluffykins in an hour and then I plan on going to the bank to send the money for you and Chimichanga. Please stay safe and take care of your lovely, unborn baby.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

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Dear Imoh,

I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to send the money transfer detail to you and Chimiqua yesterday. I had some terrible news!

Remember how I told you that Mr. Fluffykins has a lump on his tail? Well, the doctor did some tests and found out that he has “Feline Lumpitailosis”!! Isn’t that terrible!?! I’m beside myself! I’m in total despair! The only way to save poor Mr. Fluffykins is to his tail amputated! Can you believe that?!?! Mr. Fluffykins without a tail! I can’t stop crying!

Wait a second…where are the tissues…oh, there they are…wail…cry…sob…sob…sob..cry…

OK, I’m back. Sorry. Any kind words are greatly appreciated.

Anyway, here’s the Moneygram detail you’ll need to get the money in Ghana.

Senders Name: Tess Steckle
Receivers Name: Imoh Derek
Amount Sent: $1,500.00
Question: Who’s my cat?
Answer: Mr. Fluffykins!
Control Number: 65751574

Please let me know how your trip was and tell me which of the names you liked best.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Tess,

I am really very sorry for your cat`s(Mr. Fluffykins) condition,please do not think much of it,everything will be fine ok?

My dear,i do not understand why you should send the money to Ghana instead of Nigeria,Firstly the attached copy you sent me is empty, i told you that part of whatever you sent will be used for our transport which is the most important thing,we cannot treak all the way from Nigeria to Ghana,secondly, you can only withdraw money hear in Africa using either your national identity card,or international passport which bears the same name and address that was used to send money to you,my national identity card bears my name(Imoh derek) And address(Lagos state, Nigeria) and that is what i gave you as the information to use.what address did you use as my address to send the money?

Honestly speaking,i do not understand all this.

Please get back to me.

Regards,

Derek.

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Author note: Of course I knew they wouldn’t be able to retrieve the “money” in Ghana. They couldn’t retrieve the money from anywhere because there wasn’t any money, but you already knew that.

I decided to sweeten the pot and give Imoh more incentive to stick with me. Yup, I’ve rented a fully furnished apartment in Ghana for them. I must be the sweetest person in the world…if this were true.
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Dear Imoh,

Thank you for the kind words. I told Mr. Fluffykins about your kindness and understanding and he smiled. Of course he always looks like he’s smiling, but I could tell he was quite impressed.

I’m sorry about the mix-up with the money transfer. I misunderstood your earlier messages. I thought you were travelling to Ghana as soon as possible. As a matter of fact, I thought you were already there. You had mentioned that others have given you money, so I thought you had money for the taxi ride to Ghana.

Did you know that there are pink chickens in the market place in Ghana? Very intriguing!

I have surprise for you and Chimichanga!! I’ve already wired money to Mr. Ifekh (the wonderful landlord) and paid for 6 months rent in a very nice, furnished apartment for the three of you (the baby is the 3rd). Let me know when you get there and I’ll get you the details. I really wanted to wait to tell you, but you seem a little upset with me and I want the address to be a surprise. I just know that you’ll love it!

It’s interesting how you had trouble with the attachment. Mr. Ifekh didn’t have any trouble at all. As a matter of fact he said everything worked perfectly. I guess you’re just having computer trouble. Are you sure you double-clicked the attachment? I know that you mentioned that this is a new computer. Perhaps you haven’t completely learned how to use it.

I’m glad you told me about all of the rules and regulations for money transfers. This last message has been very clear and concise. I can tell you are very informed about money transfers. I’ll go to the bank tomorrow and see about changing the transfer detail. I’m certain we won’t have any further issues.

Oh, please let me know which baby names you like best. I can’t wait to see which one you’re going to use.

Thanks again for the kind words about Mr. Fluffykins. I’ve attached a picture of him for you and Chomoinga. I dressed him up like a chicken (but not a pink chicken like in Ghana).


Please take care,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

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Dear,

I forgot,as for the name of our baby,its entirely your choice,just choose the best name for you and name her/him,anyone you choose we will approve.

Derek.
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Imoh,

Nonsense! There’s no way I would feel comfortable simply naming your new, unborn bundle of love! This has to be a group decision. I think you and Chamois should decide on 2 names each (2 for a boy and 2 for a girl), then let me know and I’ll pick from there.

Doesn’t that sound lovely?!? I think it’s completely fair.

Oh, when you get to Ghana I think you should know that Ghana derived its name from the 10th century Empire of Ghana which was actually located closer to the Sahara than on the coast as the country of Ghana is today. I think these tips and interesting facts about Ghana will help you and Chimina when you get there.

Well, I have to go pick up Mr. Fluffykins from the doctor. He said the procedure went very well. The doctor said that Mr. Fluffykin’s tail was VERY attached to his body and he had to use a pair of “tin snips” to cut it off. But, he said that the tail has been thrown in the trash and Mr. Fluffykins is feeling much better today.

Oh, what did you think of the picture I sent? I’m sure you LOVED him. I sure do! I’m sending another picture of him so you can enjoy him even more. This is the one where I dressed him up like a Royal Princess. He’s absolutely ADORABLE!!!

Just so you know…once I’m done getting Mr. Fluffykins home and comfortable, I’ll go to the bank and resend the money.

Please get me those names for your baby. I can’t wait to see which names you liked best!

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Tess,

I must say that your cat is a very handsome one,and he really looks healthy,it shows you really take care of him,is he your closest friend? i hear that white people always have pets as their best friends,is it true? because its not so here.

Well we will prefer Terach or Deodar if its a boy,then Eberta or Vigilia if its a girl.

I look forward to hear from you.

Derek.
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Author note: I think they have wonderful taste in names.
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Dear Imoh,

What a wonderful thing to say about Mr. Fluffykins!!! I told him about what you said and he is elated! He is absolutely purring his little motor at full throttle! I’ll make sure to send another photo for you (I can tell how much you enjoy them). But, you are correct. I spend a tremendous amount of energy making sure he’s healthy and happy and furry. I add bacon grease to his food so his coat is always shiny and bright! He definitely loves his bacon.

I can’t believe that people in your country hate cats though. That’s would be terrible!!! I certainly hope that YOU don’t hate cats!! Do you hate cats?!? Why on Earth would anyone hate a cat?!? They are loyal, clean, reverent, honest, caring, happy, thrifty, brave, fast, cunning, furry, smart, frugal, discreet, economical, prudent, efficient, watchful, companions. I certainly hope that you treat cats with the respect they deserve!

I’m afraid that I’m a little light-headed right now. I’m deeply vexed.

I have to go lie down…

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

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Oh!! No!! Tess,

I do not hate cats,as a matter of fact i am a lover of animals,i have always wish to own a dog of my own,but i do not have the cash to buy and care for one,its just that most people do not think in the same direction with me here in Nigeria.

my dear,how is your day today?

Regards,

Derek.
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Dear Mr. Derek,

Whew! What a load off of my mind! You have no idea how happy I am knowing that you love animals. I would hate to think that I've rented a furnished apartment for someone who was going to find little animals and torture them in such a lovely place. Mr. Fluffykins was upset last night too. He wouldn't touch his "special kibble-wibbles" that I made for him. He was shaking all over because he was afraid that you would hurt him.

You can tell the cat-hating people in Nigeria that they should embrace the fluffy companions and treat them with the love and respect! I'm very angry at them right now!

You know, I really feel strongly about children and pets. I'm going to make sure I add an extra $100 to the money I'm transferring to you and Chinzie so you can get a puppy for the baby. You can't imagine how happy little "Terach" is going to be when he has a little, cold nose sniffing him and wet, sloppy tongue giving him "kisses". I only ask that you take some photos and send them to me and Mr. Fluffykins.

I'll make sure I get to the bank tomorrow morning and get the money transferred to you and Chamoise so you can travel to Ghana. Did you know that Ghana is the size of the UK and consists of rainforest, savannah, scrub and the biggest man-made lake in the world – Lake Volta? I cannot believe how much fun you are going to have there!

Please make sure you stay hidden from your lovely girlfriend's father's thugs. I don't want anything bad happening to either one of you. You are truly special people and MUST get to Ghana!

Sincerely,


Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Imoh,

I went to the bank today to send you the money. I’m afraid that when I arrived, there was a problem.

You see, one of the main reasons I bank at this particular location is because of their exquisite landscaping. They have some of the most BEAUTIFUL Japanese Maples you’ve ever seen. They also have 3 Twiggy Norway Spruce’s and a Kentucky Coffee and a lovely, 14-year old Virginia Creeper. But, the problem was caused by their Prickly Ash! One of the largest branches broke off and literally ripped the wires out of the building. It was dreadful!

I was told that they don’t have any internets service today (and probably won’t until late tomorrow). I spoke to one of the repair men (he was a very friendly man). He said that when the wires were torn from the building it caused their alarm service to activate and mobilize local law authorities. He said that the FBI is going to arrive tomorrow to make sure there wasn’t any “foul play”.

He said that he has a Prickly Ash and it’s never had branches just fall off for no reason.

So, I was unable to send you the money I promised. Believe me when I tell you that I am beside myself with grief. I know how you and Chittery are hiding from those bad men and need the money to get to Ghana. I’ll make sure I get to the bank tomorrow as soon as they have their computer systems back up and running and talking to the internet.

I was doing some more research about Ghana and found that Southern Ghana contains evergreen and semi deciduous forests, consisting of tall silk cottons, kolas, and valuable West African hardwoods such as mahogany, odum, and ebony. I truly wish I was travelling with the 3 of you. I find Ghana absolutely fascinating.


I will contact you tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Imoh,

You’ll be happy to know that I went to the bank and they “believe” their internets service is running again. They mentioned that there were a few issues in the early afternoon, but they were pretty sure everything is A-OK.

Anyway, I’ve personally sent the money to you. As I mentioned in my message yesterday, I’ve added $100.00 to the original amount so you can purchase a little, furry puppy for your new baby. I just KNOW that the puppy will bring endless joy to you and your new baby.

Here’s the transfer detail you need to retrieve the money:

Senders Name: Tess Steckle
Receivers Name: Imoh Derek
Amount Sent: $1,600.00
Question: Who’s my cat?
Answer: Mr. Fluffykins!
Control Number: 75984552

Oh, I also heard from Mr. Ifekh today. He has assured me that your new apartment is ready and when you arrive, everything will be in order. I just think he’s wonderful, don’t you? Once he sends me a picture of the apartment, I’ll forward it off to you.

Please give Chewbacca my love and tell her that everything is going to be fine! You can count on me!

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Author note: I was pretty sure calling his girlfriend Chewbacca was pushing it, but I couldn’t stop myself.
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Hello,

stop mutulating my girls name,her name is Chioma so stop calling her all sorts of names,the payment information you gave me is fake,thanks for time wasted,i wish you whatever you wish me.

Bye forever.

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Imoh,

I’m sorry for the mistaken name. I’m terrible with names and for some reason my e-mail program automatically moves your messages after I read them so I couldn’t make sure they were right. I sincerely “apologize”.

Please forgive me.

But, I can assure you that the Moneygram information is NOT fake. I genuinely want to “help” you both (and your “baby”). I forgot to ask Mrs. Shlebenalwitzenheimer to give me a scanned copy of the receipt yesterday. While at the bank she told me that they were still experiencing computer problems with their money transfers yesterday. Remember I told you about how the tree branch severed the wires outside?

I went to the bank this morning to find out why you weren’t able to get the money and they were kind enough to give me a scanned copy of the receipt while I was there. I’ve attached the receipt so you’ll see I’m honestly trying to “help”.

Please go to the Moneygram office one more time and use this receipt to get the money so you can go to Ghana. Mr. Ifekh contacted me last night. He’s waiting with your furnished apartment and wondering when you will arrive. Why would I give you fake Moneygram information when I’ve already paid for 6 months rent for your apartment??

Please give CHIOMA (see I got it right) a hug from me and please go to the Moneygram office one more time so you can see I’m being “honest”. I NEED you to know that I’m being “honest” and “good” and “truthful” and “straightforward”. Once you go to the Moneygram office this time, you’ll see that I’m blameless. I’m sure we will look back at this one day and laugh and laugh.

Please believe me.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Sorry Tess,

i could not few the attchment because its kind of protected,just attach it the same way you attched the picture of your cat and send it to me so i could be able to view it just like i viewed your Cat,Dear,i really want to believe you,i truelly wish to,you stated off like i really nice and considerate person.

Thank you,pls send the slip.


Derek.
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Author note: OK, I sent him a fake receipt twice. He’s been to the Moneygram office 3 times with no money. And, I called his girlfriend Chewbacca. I guess I'm going to have to work a little to get him to trust me again…
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Imoh,

I’m so deeply hurt that you don’t trust me. How could someone who is expecting a “baby” be so hurtful? So… cruel? So callous? I’ve never once thought that you weren’t being “honest” with me. I’ve always thought of you as a “kind” and “considerate” and “honest” person.

But, now you type words that hurt me down to the core of my bowels. My bowels ache now. They ache the same as when I drink milk. I’m lactose intolerant and when I drink milk, it goes through me like a jail on wheels. One time, I ate some ice cream and almost didn’t make it home. Wow! That was one awful night.

I’ve rented a furnished apartment for you and your girlfriend (and unborn baby). I’ve spent hours poring over details of Ghana for you so that you won’t feel like a foreigner when you get there. I’m sure you would have been deeply surprised when you saw pink chickens! But, because of my research, you know that they exist.

I’ve attached the receipt again. I hope you can read it and go to the Moneygram office and retrieve the money and send me a message of “thanks” and “love”. I don’t appreciate the hostility and insinuations of foul play.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Imoh,

I’m sure you have the money by now and are on your way to Ghana. I couldn’t check with my bank today because they’re closed for Labor Day. I’ll check tomorrow morning. But, please let me know when you get to Ghana. Once you’re there, I’ll give you the address to your new apartment. I just CAN’T wait to surprise you with the address. Mr. Ifekh said that you will LOVE it, and I’m sure you will.

Oh, Mr. Fluffykins is all aflutter knowing how happy you and your girlfriend are. He asked me (in kitty-talk) to send you another photo of him. I’m attaching one of my favorites. He calls himself “Mr. Awesome”! I’m sure you’ll agree that he does look fab-u-lous!!!

Please take care and let me know when you get to Ghana.

Sincerely,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

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Author note: He’s back!
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Dear Tess,

I am really sorry for my hard words to you,i am a bit fraustrated and you should please understand and forgive me,my last encounter made me to say those words to you,i will go to the bank first thing tomorrow morning and i will get back to you once i collect the money,after which we will leave for Ghana the next day,can i call you with the number you gave me?

Regards,

Derek.
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Dear Imoh,

Thank you for your apology. I only hope that you’ll remember that I’m here to help you and your girlfriend (and unborn baby). The next time, you’re about to type unpleasant text, take a breath and remember that foul language only makes you look bad. I’m sorry to say that I lost a little respect for you that day (so did Mr. Fluffykins). Of course, I still greatly respected your girlfriend (and unborn baby) because they weren’t mean to me.

Now that you’ve apologized, everything is erased and we are on “good” terms again. I’m sorry to say that Mr. Fluffykins tends to hold grudges though.

Anyway, let me know that you have the money and let me know when you get to Ghana. Did you know that Tamale is the capital city of the Northern region of Ghana mostly inhabited by the Mole-Dagomba linguistic group. The city is home to about 350,000 people. Fascinating…simply fascinating.

I’m attaching another photo of Mr. Fluffykins. He’s a little under the weather today. It appears that he’s been spending way too much time cleaning himself. I heard the worst noise coming from the bedroom today. When I got in there, I saw Mr. Fluffykins vomiting the largest hairball I’ve ever seen. It looked like he was puking a large, red and orange, hairy snake. When he finished, he started eating it again which repulsed me a bit.

I was able to pull him away from that hairy, regurgitated food and fur and he’s been sleeping the rest of the day. I do hope he’s OK.

Take care,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Imoh,

I was under the impression that you were in dire need to get to Ghana. I was under the impression that you and your girlfriend needed to get away from the hooligans her father hired to maltreat you. I was under the impression that you knew how to retrieve money from the Moneygram office.

If these are indeed facts, why have you NOT retrieved the money? I went to the bank yesterday and today and both times, I was informed that the money has not been retrieved.

Do you not like my money? Do you no longer need the money? Are you currently in the hospital with multiple contusions and lacerations? Are you currently getting “ringers lactate” and D5W?

Please let me know because the apartment in Ghana is still unused and I have wasted a week’s worth of rent.

Sincerely,


Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
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Dear Imoh,

My bank is closed today so I can only assume that you’ve retrieved the money and reached Ghana safely. How’s the weather? Isn’t it beautiful there?!?

I’ve been waiting 2 weeks to give you the address of your new apartment!!! Now, that you’re there, I can tell you. You can find Mr. Ifekh at E. Ring Road Central, 91 Accra, Ghana. Give him my name and he’ll simply give you the keys and show you to the door.

Just think of me every time you wake up in your beautiful accommodations. Think of me every time your new puppy licks your face. Think of me every time you purchase more toys and diapers for your new baby (Deiter or Destiny).

Think of me every time someone tells you something new about Ghana that I already told you.

Please let me know if you need more money. I’ll happily see what I can do. Oh, I told some of my friends about you and they wish to help you too. Isn’t it amazing how much “good” can come from a simple e-mail request?

Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com


______________


Author note: Well, it appears that Imoh has decided that Tess wasn’t as helpful as he once thought. My last message to him was an attempt to get him angry at me and possibly write me again. But, I haven’t heard from him to find out how his trip to Ghana turned out.

Lorin and Tess Sitting in a Tree...

This is a story of love and the pursuit of eternal happiness. It begins with a lonely, celibate man who has decided that the best way to find a mate is to blanket the internet with countless e-mail messages. I thought this was going to be one of the find-someone-to-love and then beg for help scams, but this joker never brought up money. I guess he's just a pervert.

I wanted Tess to be somewhat neurotic just to test this man’s level of commitment. I have to give him some “snaps” because he put up with a LOT!!

When I listened to his voicemail, I could tell he's not a native American. I think he might have figured that I was his perfect mate. Who knows.

Anyway, it was fun.

Characters:
Scammer (pervert): Loren M. Paige
Me: Ms. Tess Steckle

Here's our story...
___________________________

From: Loren Paige
Sent: Sunday, June 28, 2009 11:35:51 PM
Subject: I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?
Hi Dear,

I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?

My Name is Loren Paige; Im a US Citizen and a Single Dad.
I lost my wife during child delivery 18 years ago, since then Ive been single.

More so Im an Art cum Artifact collector without jurisdiction to my collection.

Love has just been a dream to me, but I still believe that love could be sweet at old age do you think so too?

Your expression and profile was some worth attractive in a website I jumped into last night and I cant wait to have a feel of your world, the original you because Im a realist to the core.

Can we get talking and to a very large extent get closer till we see a beautiful tomorrow?

Truly I cant wait to enjoy my age with true love if it ever comes my way and if you will let nature do her job?

We can do a lot together and that is the essence of life.

Respectfully

Loren Paige
CEO Paige Galleries.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Monday, June 29, 2009 8:57 PM
To: 'Loren Paige'
Subject: Re: I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?

Dearest Loren,

I cannot tell you how happy your message has made me! It has brightened my day more than a thousand Sun's.

You poor man. I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your wife. It must have been tragic for you. Oh, how you must have suffered all of these years! I cannot imagine the strength you must have to continue to go on living for so long...alone. The very thought makes me cry for you.

In the short time it has taken me to read your beautiful message, I can already sense that we have a LOT in common. You're a US citizen, and I'm a US citizen. You're single, and I'm single. You're an art collector, and I like art. I especially love black velvet paintings of Elvis Presley. I’m sure you’re a fan too.

I've been looking for my "soulmate" for so long, I had just about given up. It must be fate that has brought us together.

Please write back to me and tell me more about how happy you and I can be.

I will count every minute until your next message!

Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, June 29, 2009 11:45 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: For Tess Steckle from Loren

Tess Steckle,

Hearing from you alone has quenched my taste, you sound like the post of hope that I desire. should I go ahead to call the mystery that brought us together a Devin arrangement?

I am 45 and with a daughter I inherited from my marriage who will be 18 next month. I lost my wife to death some years back; thereafter I assumed celibacy for the sake of my surviving daughter who should be given the best for her growth.

Like I said earlier in my letter, that I’m an Art & Artifact Collector without restrictions; I deal on all kinds of Arts and Artifacts from all over the world. love black velvet paintings of Elvis Presley also

My Childhood was beautiful because I was the only child of a Rich father who makes sure that I and my late mother had all that life has. He was killed by his best and envious friend because of his possessions.

I love Arts; I use my collections to express my feelings, troubles and anticipation. Though my aim is to open a construction company of my own, that was my father’s dream for me before he died and I don’t want to let it die.

My Daughter is a very interesting child and like her father she does a lot of paintings and keeps a Cat and a Dog.

I live in Washington; I think we would get to know each other better if feelings permit.

Let me hear from you and your likes and dislikes.

Hope to here from you soon.

Loren Paige
___________________________

Author note: This guy moves pretty fast! Could it be fate?
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 4:34 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: For Tess,

Tess Steckle,

Mere reading your email brings me to a conclusive chemistry that we are meant for each other.

I can’t hold thinking about you since your reply, every part of me has been anxious of your presence. Soul mates I think, soul mate is the best description of what my heart feels now.

I wish to know you more and a conviction that you are my wife and the Mother of my daughter because she wants to feel the test of motherhood which her birth deprived her.

I’ve searched for love but it’s really rear to come bye.

I’m the best man for you if we get selfless with each other; I’m very free at heart.

Caring and Sharing is my first doctrine of true love.

I’ve made up my mind that is you if you are ready for me.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:58 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: For Tess,

Dearest Lauren,

Oh how my heart has swelled reading your lovely message! I am engorged thinking of how you also believe we are soul mates!!! I have dreamed many dreams that a man such as yourself would find me and sweep me off of my feet and carry me through the threshold of love and marriage. That I would, one day, be able to look someone in the eye and say "Yes, you are my man. I am your woman. We are married and together and one and in love and happy and rapturous."

I'm also overjoyed that you love black velvet paintings of Elvis too! I have 23 paintings in my personal collection. My favorite one is where Elvis is sitting on a horse drinking a beer out of a Viking helmet. If you like I can send it to you to add to your collection!

Please tell me more about your daughter...our daughter. I hope that she'll allow me to hold her close to my bosom so that she can hear my heart beat for her. That she'll allow me to teach her things that her mother was unable to teach her. I want so desperately to teach her how to cook. How to sew. How to create paper mache masks of European leaders. All of the things my mother taught me.

As I write this, I am crying. I’m crying for our future. I’m crying for our happiness. The very thought of finally finding someone to share the rest of my life makes me float enthusiastically on the sea of enchanted, joyous love. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and affectionately nibble on your eyebrows.

Lauren. I LOVE YOU!!!

With all of my heart and arteries,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 3:14 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Hi Love

Hi Love,

This is an experience I must share heart and soul. It keeps me speechless knowing that you are actually existing somewhere for me. Your words are the exact word of angels.

Mere imagination of your kind of natural beauty kept me awake all last night, I smiled at every feature gaze of your amazing nature; it caught me acting like yester year’s youth.

Are you for real?

Can I boldly tell my Daughter who has been kin to have a mother, that I have found myself a Wife and for her a mother?

I want you to ride a while in my world of thought and imaging my mood now that I drop you this Draft; I see tomorrow in my dream world where I call you my Queen, you call me your King and my daughter calls you Mum!

Please Come and crown me up!!!!!

Can we chat on yahoo messenger IM? Here is my ID you can add me; lpaige1278

Loren
___________________________

Author note: I decided that the best way to profess my love is to get some help. I figured that the 'Oak Ridge Boys' would be helpful.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 8:50 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Hi Love

Oh Lorin!!!

Your love keeps lifting me higher!!! You know, once I was downhearted and disappointment was my closest friend. But then you came into my life. I’m so glad I finally found you! I WISH my loving arms around you.

Honey, I can stand up and face the world!!!

I’m blushing about how you have been picturing my natural beauty at night. I was thinking about you too. I can picture your rugged 45 year old muscles and short-cropped hair. I picture you as a handsome David Caruso! My heart is beating faster as I think about you as I type on my keyboard right now. Oooooh! I’m also blushing when you called me your queen! You can count on me crowning you up!!! Ha ha

Please tell your daughter that you have found your “soul mate”, your wife, and your best friend! Please tell her that I will be there for her when she has her first kiss, her first car, her first husband, and her first house.

Bless you baby, I LOVE you so! Love from whom all blessings flow. Me to you and you to me – this is how it’s going to be. Every time I think about it, I just want to lift my heart and sing!!!! I honestly believe that every man should have a good woman (that’s me), and every woman should have a good man (that’s you). Won’t you stand along beside me and let me do the best I can?

I want us to take each other’s heart in hand and sing to God!!!

I LOVE YOU Lorin!!!

Your Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 01, 2009 2:17 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: You give Me Hope

My Love Tess,

Do you know that my daughter has been following you letters, I most confess that she read your last email and busted into tears. She said that you are so open hearted with all word futures she anticipate in a Mum and that you really torch something in her. I feel greater than she does imagining the mystery that brought us this close.

We went to church this early to pray and seek Gods face in this Union, you that is for better for worst?

I must confess that we barely met but I'm in love already your enchantment has overwhelmed me like the snow engulfs the hills in the winter.

Tell me more about you; your age, occupation, faith, interest, location and your plans for us?

Send me your picture now?

Wake up and reply me my dear because I’m awake with my Daughter praying that you are as real as you sound on the email.

I pledge all my love

Loren
___________________________

Author note: Celine Dion helped me a little with this message.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 01, 2009 4:23 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: You give Me Hope

My Dearest Login,

I'm so deeply touched that your daughter has already accepted me as her new mother. I see a light in the sky. Oh, it's almost blinding me...I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love. Please tell her that she means as much to me as I mean to her and as much as I mean to you.

I LOVED how you said that my enchantment overwhelms you like the snow engulfs the hills in winter. I feel the same way about you. My feelings for you flood me like a basement in Kentucky after a really big rainstorm. My heart is racing right now like Jeff Gordon's car in the UAW-Ford 500 at Talladega just thinking about you.

I Love You!!!

You asked me to tell you more about myself. That is the first time any man has asked me that! That is how I know you are the one for me! My love for you is hot and squishy like a Krispy Kreme donut right out of the machine (when they give you a free one while you stand in line).

I consider myself a very handsome woman of 42 years. I drive an ice cream truck for Mr. Softee's Mega Ice Cream Delivery Fleet. I am a God-fearing woman who goes to church 4 times a week (I also sing in the choir - I have the voice of an angel). I Love You!!! I grew up in Kentucky, but moved to the Seattle Washington area about 10 years ago. You already know that my hobby is collecting black velvet paintings of Elvis. I believe every house should have at least one painting just to brighten the decor and give it some class.

I Love You!!!

As for our future plans...I cannot believe you have to ask. I have told you how much I love you. I've told you that I will be the mother for your daughter that she has never had. I want us to be together...forever! I want to be the person who gives you a sponge-bath when you are old and feeble and can no longer stand up without a walker with cut tennis balls on the bottom of the legs. When we are old and gray, I want us to swap our false teeth and see if we can eat corn on the cob with them.

You are MY LOVE!!!

I'm awake now. Your prayers have been answered! Your love for me is like Folger's coffee at 5:32am on a rainy day! It wakes me and makes me feel refreshed and alive!!

Please write to me soon!

Your Lovely Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: He didn't write me the next day, so I was scared that something terrible has happened to him.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 8:10 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Where are you?!?

Dearest Lauren,

Why haven’t you written me!?! Where are you!?! Are you OK!?!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 11:16 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Going to CO!

Dear Love,

I'm heading to Colorado to meat my Daughter.
were are you now too?
I missed you.
Can you send me your picture?
I want to keep you close to my heart forever.

I love you!!!

loren
___________________________

Author note: OK people. Have you been paying attention here? If you look at the earlier message Loren (my love) said that he and his daughter went to church together. If they were together, why is he travelling to Colorado to "meat" (sic) with her?

I'm going to let that slide for now. I'm in love!
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 1:54 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Going to CO!

Oh Lorin,

I LOVE Colorado!!! I’ve always wanted to live there. The air is so clean and the mountains are as beautiful as me. While you are there, please look at the mountains. My love for you is higher than the tallest one!!

Please give your daughter a hug and kiss from me…her new mother.

I’ve included a recent picture for you. Please send one of yourself too. I want to keep it close to my bosom until we finally meet face-to-face.

I love you more than chocolate ice cream with syrup, whipped cream, colored sprinkles, and 3 cherries – inside a waffle bowl that was dipped in chocolate.

Please be safe during your journey.

I Love You,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I sent Loren a photograph of myself. Of course it happens to be a convicted felon from Tennassee, but I think I'm pretty.

Click here to see the photo

OK people, brace yourselves! Here's where Mr. Paige becomes a HUGE pervert. I almost cut him off right there, but decided to see if the request for money was going to surface. Plus, I wanted to have some fun with him.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 3:40 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Do you like sex?

Love,

You are truly beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to have you in my arms, on my bed, in my kitchen, on me!!!!!!!!
Do you like sex?
I do but have not had it in about 18years now.
love to talk to you on yahoo messenger

I love you TESS

Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Friday, July 03, 2009 10:05 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dear Lorin,

I do consider myself beautiful, but if you simply want to foster an online relationship simply to talk about sex, well you can count me out!

I sympathize with you, but I cannot imagine a strong, handsome man who looks like David Caruso has been celibate for 18 years!

If you are trying to get me to use Yahoo Messenger to have freaky sex chat, then I consider our pending marriage over!

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 8:31 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

I'm so sorry, You mis understude the whole thing.

I still feel for you.
Loren
___________________________

Author note: I think I understood him perfectly.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 9:05 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dear Login,

Thank you so much for your apology. That fact that you took the time to apologize shows me how sensitive and wonderful you are.

I understand how my beauty must have driven you wild and you lost your mind. That happens. You’re not the first man to go wild with passion when he’s had a taste of my gorgeousness. To be honest, I’m flattered. I just want to save the sweet “naughtiness” for our honeymoon.

I have very durable feelings for you too. I still love you more than all of the green M&M’s produced by M&M/Mars in 1973!

Have a wonderful day in Colorado with your daughter.

With Love,

Tess

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 9:19 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

God bless you my dear can I have your #___________________________

Author note: I wanted to give him the chance to contact me, but I had to come up with an excuse as to why I won't be able to reciprocate. I figured a tragic accident would work.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 12:48 PM
To: lpaige1278@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dearest Login,

I've been keeping a secret from you. I'm not proud of myself for doing so, but I didn't want to scare you away.

About 3 weeks ago I was in a pretty serious car accident. In the impact, my jaw was broken. Right now, my jaw has 3 screws and enough metal to make an antenna for a short-wave radio. Basically, I cannot speak.

I was afraid to tell you because if you saw my face right now, you might consider me deformed and run away.

I know I should have told you, but you must understand that I truly want us to be together. I want us to be together like peanut butter and jelly. Like chocolate and milk. Like skin rashes and landscapers. Your love means everything to me, and I hope that you will not leave me now that you know my situation.

The doctors have told me that I will have the wiring removed in 9 weeks and then I'll have another 4 weeks of physical therapy. During that time, I will have to learn to speak again. They've also assured me that I will not be permantently deformed or anything.

I would still LOVE to hear your voice. Please call me at 206-338-0283.

I can't wait to hear you sexy David Caruso voice.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
___________________________

Author note: Once I gave him my phone number, he couldn't resist calling me to tell me how much he loves me. I think my beauty and my phone number were just too much for him to handle.

Click here to listen to the voicemail from Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 7:01 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Thank you for the message...

Dearest Lorgin,

I cannot tell you how touched I am hearing your sweet sweet voice. When you told me that you “love” me made my jaw clench. Of course since it’s broken, I was in a considerable amount of pain and had to take a pain reliever. But, it was still wonderful to hear from you.

I cannot wait until the doctor removes the wire that is holding my jaw together and I can go through my physical therapy so that I can talk to you and you can hear my beautiful voice. When you hear my angelic voice, you may be lost in the blissful desire of love and beauty (it’s happened before) and find yourself floating on the wings of heavenly desire. When we finally meet face-to-face (and I can eat solid foods again), we’ll have to go out to dinner and just talk and talk and talk.

I’m afraid for your mental state when that happens because when you see my natural beauty and hear my beautiful voice when I’m wearing one of my beautiful dresses you may just lose your mind. You see, when I look in the mirror and see myself with my hair in a ponytail and my make-up is just right, I believe I am more stunning than Pamela Anderson when she played Barb Wire in 1996.

I want you to understand that I “love” you. I “know” that we will be together forever. You have repeatedly expressed your love and desire for me too. But, I want to be sure. The only way that I can truly be sure that you “love” me is by proposing to me.

I would LOVE for you to formally propose to me in an e-mail message. Would you do that for me? Would you formally propose to me? Please make it one of your lovely messages full of love and longing.

I wait for your melodic, sweet-tempered message my love.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 2:01 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: I was testing the waters

Dear Tess,

I really miss you and can't wait to be around you, sharing the warmth on your shoulder. please my dear get well soon for me.

How soon do you want to be married to me?

I planing to travel to London for an exhibition, will you come with me?

l love you.

Loren
___________________________

Author note: I think Loren has a new author. His messages don't convey the love they once did. And, he is clearly getting me mixed up with another woman. I think I'm getting a little jealous.

Oh, Celine Dion is my love letter helper on this one too.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 5:42 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Dear Latrine,

What do you mean “get well soon”? I’m not sick. Did you think I caught the “Swing Flu”? If so, I haven’t. I do have a slight pain in my lower back, but other than that, I’m fine. Now that you mention it, I’ve had a little scratch in my throat which makes me cough a little, but other than that I’m feeling great.

I would LOVE to be married on November 23rd. I’ve always dreamed of getting married on that day. It just has a wonderful ring to it – don’t you agree? But, I don’t want to “jump the gun”. I need a formal proposal from you. I need to read those beautiful words typed by your fingers.

I would love to go to London with you, but I’m busy that weekend. Wait as second, when are you going to London? What airline are you going to use? Where will you stay? How long will you be gone? What brand of luggage do you use?

I’ll be waiting for you here inside my heart. I’m the one who wants to love you more. You will see I can give you everything you need. Let me be the one to love you more.

Love always,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I didn't think he noticed how I was changing his name. I guess this one caught his eye.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 8:44 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Tess,

good to here from again.
By the way who is Latrine,

loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 10:29 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Dearest Lorin,

I’m so sorry. It must have been a slip of my finger on the keyboard.

I still love you more than ever.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: At this point I wanted to give Loren a little taste of neurosis. I decided to accuse him of cheating on me.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 5:48 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Are you seeing someone else?!?

Dearest Loren,

I can’t help but notice that you haven’t written me any of your beautiful, love-filled messages since I told you about my accident. I don’t want to sound like a jealous woman, but are you seeing someone else?

If you are, I think my heart might just break into a thousand pieces and I will die from blood loss! In the short time that we have been communicating I have grown very close to you. I trust you with my heart and my body and my mind. If you were to tell me that you have found another woman I’m not sure what would happen. All I do know is that it would be bad.

Please let me know about our trip to London. Tell me how you want to be with me. Tell me how happy I make you.

Please send a photo of yourself so that I can love your photo as much as I love you.

With love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 8:30 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Re: Are you seeing someone else?!?

My Love

Is you all the way
I love you Tess
Thanks, Im happy that you are following me to london.
it will be a real good time out there.

I love you my dear.
Loren___________________________

Author note: So, he’s professed his love to me again, but he said that I was following him. Well, we can’t have him thinking I’m a little puppy he can kick around…
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 09, 2009 2:58 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: What do you mean follow you?

Dear Lorin,

Follow you!?! What do you mean follow you? I am an independent woman and I don’t follow anyone!

I was under the impression that we were going to fly to London together…as a couple…in love…happily…joyfully! Now that I think about it, you haven’t even told me when we were supposed to go. I don’t know the date. I don’t know the airline. I don’t know where we are staying. I don’t know the type of luggage you use.

All of these things are important!

Now, I love you. You know that. But, now I’m beginning to think you are seeing another woman. If that’s true, I’m afraid that I might just pass-out and hit my head on something hard. This would give me a concussion and I could die. That would make me very upset.

Please get me the details for our trip. Please reassure me that you are not having an e-affair. Please give my heart some much-needed rest so that it can beat again only for you and your David Caruso good looks.

With love and helium balloons,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 4:29 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: My Love

Baby I am not seen anybody. I have been busy trying to arrange my self and daughter for the trip. I am not seen any other woman neither am I inlove with any woman.

I ended my search since I found you, so please baby don't say things that will break m heart.

I will email you much later, but want to drop this few lines. I have things to tell you anyway.

take care love.

Loren.___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 8:11 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: My Love

Oh Loring,

You have no idea how happy your message has made me!! I feel like I am floating with the clouds (not the Cumulonimbus clouds because they are very dangerous). My heart is flying like a bird who is in love with another bird who is also flying with her in the sky above the ground.

I was contacted by my doctor today and he wants me to come to his “special” jaw office in Boston to really look at my jaw with a special new set of special devices called the Jaw Optical Khamsin Equipment. I guess it’s pretty special stuff and should tell him everything about my jaw.

I will be gone for the entire week and won’t be able to get any messages until the 20th of July.

I will miss you more than chocolate mousse in fine china, but I must think of my health.

Please don’t forget me while I’m gone.

Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I had to make up the story that I was travelling because my REAL family and I were going away on vacation and I wasn’t about to log onto some computer just to check on my scammers. My hope was that this yo-yo would wait for me.

He did.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 10:21 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: I am healing quite well...

Dearest Loren,

I’ve returned early from my serious examination and I’m happy to report that my jaw is healing quite nicely. Dr. Mandible said that I only have 9 more weeks of healing before I will begin going to physical therapy! I’m very excited.

Please tell me what has been happening with you and our daughter.

I can’t wait to hear from you my LOVE!!!
Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 11:23 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: GET WELL MY LOVE


Pretty,

Am happy to hear that your jaw is healing very fast and that shows you are responding quite well to the treatment.I believe that you will begin your physical therapy before the nine months.Am praying for you all night for you to get well soon.I pray for god every night to send you a guardian angel.

My daughter is fine,i told her about you and she wish you quick recuperation.Though i might not be there physically but am right there behind you.You are all that i think of and promise to be there for you.I love you and will always love you.

God bless you and remain intensely chilled till i hear from you.
I love you.
Loren.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 12:45 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: I LOVE YOU

Dearest Tessy,

What a wonderful beginning to a new day! It began like a dream -- me finding you, sending you email, confessing my love, and then it happens all over again. The feelings that I’ve felt for you all along begin to resurface. Only this time, I am free to act on them without fear of upsetting anyone.

Thank you, Tessy. What more can a man say to the woman who opened her heart to him, allowing him to feel the warmth of her love across the great distance that separates them? You truly have no idea what I feel for you..

I try to put this feeling into words, but fail miserably. This feeling of being both scared and at peace, of having both butterflies and a sense of calm, is a feeling that I have only dreamed about. As the days continue to pass, my love for you continues to grow. I never thought I had the capacity to love anybody as much as I love you right now. Yet, my love for you continues to mature, growing beyond the realm of my heart. It seems that you have become the fiber of my soul, the very reason for my existence.

I have no other words to describe the way you make me feel. No words, no actions could even come close. I believe that Ronald Regan said it best to Nancy in a letter, telling her only that, "I more than love you". Their love was a strong love, surviving everything, even death. I believe that even after his passing, Nancy felt Ronald's love for her raining down upon her. That is why she has always seemed at peace after the death of such a truly loving husband. That is the love that I feel for you.

I love you forever and wish you quick recuperation,

Forever yours,

Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 9:15 PM
To: lpaige1278@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: I LOVE YOU

Deary Loren,

Your message has filled my heart with helium. It's floating in the sky like a little, purple balloon of love (of course it beats with a high-pitched thump, but that's from the helium)!!

I too, feel that my expression of love using mere words fails to show you the true depth of my lovingfulness. If my love were a country, it would be China because they have so many people. If my love were a bank account, it would belong to Bill Gates!!

You are the incandescent bulb to my lamp. You are the hot water hose to my washing machine. Without you, I am nothing but worthless furniture and appliances.

Please, please, please, never leave me!!

I Love You,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 3:58 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: MY HEART MY LOVE

Dearest Tessy,

how is your health and the examination going.i got the email you sent, it was very romantic. it keep me thinking of you all night and day without concentrating on what i was doing.

My love,i will be travelling to the uk by tomorrow.i have secure my documents including that of my daughter because there's no one to leave her behind with.Am sorry i have to be travelling this period that you need me to stand by you as you go thro' your therapy.my clients are on my neck and i dont want to loose them to other collectors.I will be away for just some weeks and i will be back for you to be with you forever.

i love you

Loren___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 7:57 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: London...without me!

Loren,

Is this the trip to London that I was supposed to go too?!? If so, how could you leave without me?

It’s that other woman isn’t it!??! Uh Oh!!! Did you hear that?!? That was my heart breaking!! Ouch…ugh…oy... Yup, that’s my heart breaking all right!

How could you do this to me?!? How could you go to London without me? How could you go with that other woman!?! Now, I’m going to be left here with a broken jaw and a broken heart!

I’m deeply vexed,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 8:25 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: YOU AND ONLY

My love,

You dont have to think i don't want to go with you neither am i travelling with another woman.I love you and i can never find happiness from any strange woman.you are the reasons i live and i have promised never to make you cry.

Hunnie,you know am going for a business trip and not for pleasure,am not going to london to live there but just for a short business trip and will be back before you know it.I regret leaving you on your condition .My clients are on my neck and i have to go get them what they want before i loose them to other collectors.

Sweetie,you dont have to doubt my sincerety and faithfullness,the whole world knows i love you and that i will never betray your love for me.you have to go thro' your therapy so i can travel to purchase some ANTIQUES for my clients.I will make sure you aren't far from me because i will be sending you emails and calling you every minute.

My heart please understand that i have to go for my business,i promise when am back i will take you round the world if you so pleased.i have been hurt once and i understand how it feels to be hurt.I will never think of hurting you not when am still alive.I have to hurry my trip in other to meet the demands of my clients.My love am sorry....sincerely from my heart.

I love you and will always love you..
Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:14 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: YOU AND ONLY

Dear Lorin,

Thank you for your heartfilled message. But, you said that WE were going to go to London together and now you are telling me that you have people on your neck. Are you in trouble? Are you dealing with bad people? I cannot be involved with someone who has BAD people trying to sit on his neck and other body parts. I am afraid for your safety now.

Should I call the police?!?

I'm so upset right now. I'm afraid for your safety, but I'm also afraid that I've fallen in love with someone who has ties with the mafia or something else equally bad. Now, the stress is causing my jaw to hurt and my eyes are tearing up.

I have to take some liquid aspirin...wait a second...ok...stupid cap...oh...there it goes...yuck...uhm...ouch...ugh...

Now, my jaw hurts, my eyes are tearing up, and the liquid aspirin DOES NOT taste like bubblegum!!! Yuck!

I'm sorry Loren, but I'm not sure this love affair is going to work out. First, you start seeing other women after you tell me you love me. Then, you tell me we're going to go on a trip together, but you leave without me. Now, your getting mixed up with the mafia.

My heart can only take so much stress.

I still love you Lorin. I suppose I always will. But, what else can I do? Please help me.

Love

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:10 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: MY LOVE MY WIFE

my love,

It's obvious you misunderstood my statement regarding my clients being on my neck.I dont patronise BAD people neither am into business invoving the mafians coming after me.It simply means that my clients are anxious,they needed the goods very quickly for their own business.The clients are my very good clients that pay me without delays whenever am back from my trip.They couldn't wait any longer for me promising to travel very soon just because i wanted you to get well fast so we can travel together.My heart,you know the kind of business i do is highly competitive and for you to succeed,you need a competitive accumen.I dont want to loose my clients to other collectors.i have to satisfy their belief and trust for my products.

Hunnie,i love you so much and i can never leave you for another woman.You should know that MUTUAL TRUST,CARE AND LOVE are all that are needed for a successful relationship.There's no magic wand involve.Sweetie,believe me,my heart can never accomodate any other woman because i love you.You are the reason for my existence, i promise never to betray your trust and love for me no matter where i found myself.Darling,i need you to be strong for me and stop hurting yourself by crying.

Finally,am in the UK and i promise to return in less than three weeks.I would have love to have you here with me but am not here for pleasure strictly for business my love.I will be home even before your therapy is over.You are the woman of my dream and you will remain so close to my heart even though am far away.Just be there for me and i will never disappoint your LOVE for me even in the face of death.

I love you and will always love you.

Forever yours,

Kelvin___________________________

Author note: I was really thinking about stopping my charade with this guy. After so long communicating with him, I began to wonder if he really did love Tess. But, if you notice his last message, he signed it Kelvin. Well, that’s when I realized he’s playing with women and I decided he needed some “hammer time”!

Time to break out the "CRAZY"!!!
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 4:48 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: MY LOVE MY WIFE

Loren,

I just received your message and it has lifted me higher than a dirigible! I'm soaring with the eagles right now. It is such a relief knowing that you are not “patronizing” bad people. When I stop to think about what they would do to me if you were to upset them...it just makes me shiver all over.

I was so scared yesterday. I had all of the locks changed on my apartment because I didn't want some sweaty, muscled, tattooed man breaking in and trying to hurt me because you were dealing in black market antiquities. I couldn't sleep all night long! Every bump or creak made me scream. I called 911 four times. I was hysterical!!!

What I still don't understand is why you think that I couldn't go to London with you. I can travel with my broken jaw. I told you how I traveled to Boston to see my jaw doctor, Dr. Mandible. Is it because you think I'm ugly with the metal jaw support harness? If that is the reason, then I'm afraid that our engagement is off! You have to love ALL of me. You have to love me from the top of my head to the crusty bottoms of my feet. That includes my guts too you know!?!

I just feel like there's 4,799 miles (7,723 km) separating us right now. I feel there's so much to say, but no words to convey. The loneliness building with each passing day. But, I'm getting used to it. I have to get used to it. But, I get carried away with every day and every fantasy. The deeper the wound, the harder I swoon and with that that was me.

Is there any way you could come back sooner? I have to know that you're back on American soil. That your back on American soil for me. For me and our daughter. Please tell me that you'll quit selling black market antiquities and return to America and together we can sell honest antiques together.

I love you so much Kelvin!

Tess

___________________________

Author note: Husband?!? I don’t remember any ceremony or ring or vows. He sure is pushy.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 3:45 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: THE ONLY WOMAN IN MY LIFE

My love,

As i told you in my last letter i dont deal on legal or black market antiquities,i have enough that can buy me real antiques and i will never be involved in any shady deal called black market.You dont have to be scared of anything,your husband is into a genuine business with government backing..This trip isn't the first and i have never be involved in any thing called black market.

Sweetie,i love you more than you could ever imagined.I dont love you because you are beautiful,those looks will wear out some day.I look into the heart and follow what the hearts says.My intuition never failed me when i found you.I love everything about you regardless of your broken jaw or any other.Genuine love doesn't count for all those things because they are all secondary compared to the love i have for you.Darling.i love you sincerely from my heart and nothing will ever make me change my stands on that.Your love has eaten all part of me and i will forever love you.

My heart,spirit,soul and body.You dont have to think i didn't want to travel with you to london neither am i scared of your broken jaws but just wanted you to have enough time to continue your therapy.I love you and will be proud to go with one of the most beautiful woman on planet earth to london .You are my jewel of inestimable value,there's only one you in my life and will be very happy to tour round the world with you.My love i promise to hurry up my purchases and rush back to the states to be with the only woman that have shown me love.

Hunnie here is my london line you can call me so we keep in touch always.+447035931879.

Remain intensely chilled,i love you and will always love you.

Forever yours,

Loren.___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2009 4:00 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: HATE MISSING YOU

Dearest Tessy,

I wish I didn't have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any sad. But then again, I know that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every walking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping!

I love you, babe. You are my first and my only love, and I thank you for being so kind with my heart. Hopefully, soon I won't have to hate missing you.


Still expecting your call.....i love you
Love Always,

Loren
___________________________

Author note: I thought I would push things a little. I want to see where this “relationship” is going. Is he going to start begging for money? Is he going to ask for my address so he can show up at my doorstep? He keeps changing his title from boyfriend to pervert to husband, so I think it’s high time for him to tell me more.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 8:53 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: I'm sorry...but I have to tell you...the following...

Loren,

Where is this going? Where are we going? You call yourself my husband, yet I feel more distant from you than when we first met.

Your daughter needs a mother, yet I have never seen her. I wouldn’t know her if I hit her with my car. I wouldn’t know you if I hit you with my car. I wouldn’t know your dead wife if I hit her with my car (of course that would be pretty creepy because she would have to be a zombie or something). But, I think you see what I mean.

You invite me to go on trips, but never take me. Instead, you go on the trips by yourself meeting “customers” dealing with old things. I don’t even know where you’re staying in London. I don’t know if you have a rental car. I don’t know what airline you used. I don’t know if you had a “carry-on” bag, or if you checked everything. I don’t know if you wear the right colored socks with your trousers and stuff. You might be a habitual criminal for the fashion police, but I would never know.

Do you brush your teeth with your left or right hand? Do you wear glasses or contact lenses? What’s your prescription? Do you have any prosthetic limbs? Were you ever mauled by a wildebeest? Do you have any scars? If so, what caused them? Do you like dogs, cats, iguanas, leopard geckos, or Chinese Water Dragons?

I just feel that we are drifting apart. I find myself looking in the mirror saying “Tess, you deserve more!”, and I’m right! I need someone to hold me tight and say “Tess, you are the reason I convert oxygen to carbon dioxide.” “You make it possible to convert basic food into energy to sustain my body to love you another day.” “If Love were people, my heart would be China.”.

I have a special place in my heart for you Kelvin. It’s on the left side, lower quadrant, between the atrium and ventricle, right below the coronary artery. I suppose you will always be in my heart, but I guess I’ll never know for sure because doctors are afraid to look there too hard.

I hope your sale was worth my heart.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:30 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: THE WOMAN I LOVE

My love,

you sound as if am not going to be home,all i need from you now aren't all those things.i need you to be my guardian angel,a loving wife,a pillar of which i lean on.Lets stop all these arguements,i dont think we need them now and concentrate on how to make our relationship perfect.We have dwelt too much on this same issue.I think is high time we went forward and make this our 'made in heaven' marriage worthwhile.

Yes my daughter needs you as a loving mother and i want to be your husband.I love you will all my heart and there's nothing anybody can say about it.All those questions you asked would be answered the moment you set your eyes on me and my daughter.My dear,you worth more than everything on this earth to me.You are my jewel of inestimable value,the treasure that i seek,a precious and a priceless Diamond.What else can i say of
a
woman i have dreamth of being my wife and now am face with the reality of having her by my side always.

Though we might be far away from each other but never far from your heart.As i said earlier,even if we are miles away hence the communication is there that wont be a problem.The world today is a global village where distance is never a barrier to those that know what they seek.Darling,we are meant to be and we shall be forever.All i need from you now is to keep in touch with me always and stand by me while my purchases here last.

Hunnie,i expected your call but you never did.I want to be very close to your heart even if am not there with you.I think of you all day and night just want to be with you.I want to wake up and see you by my side.Please my love come over to the yahoo messenger so we can talk always because that we provide us the platform of chatting every minutes and it would bridge the gap of distance too.

I love you and will always love you as long as i still breath.

Forever yours,

Loren.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 29, 2009 6:29 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: THE WOMAN I LOVE

Lorin,

On one hand, I love the words of love and lovingness from you. On the other hand, I wear a glove. I've come to the conclusion that all you will be able to give me are words. I need the other glove! You see, many people wear gloves. Some gloves help them drive. Others keep their hands warm in cold weather. Some wear gloves so their fingerprints don't get on things. Some people wear gloves to see how clean (or dirty) things are. Micheal Jackson wore gloves. Now, he's dead!

I've told you about my broken jaw and how I cannot speak loud enough to talk on the phone. I've told you about the doctor visits. I've told you how I have 7 weeks left in the Jaw Immobilization Mandible Harness. But, you keep asking me to call you. You know I cannot call you! I've told you about my inability to use a phone. But, you've been talking on the phone Lorin!!! I can tell you've been using the phone!! I can tell by the way you use the letter 'j' that you've been using the phone!

You've been talking to your girlfriend again!!! You're talking to your HEALTHY JAW GIRLFRIEND and it breaks my heart! My heart is broken into 561 fragments and I'm bleeding internally right now. My eyesight is hazy and I feel weak!

You continuously break my heart and speak to that other woman. I bet you bought her a glove!! I bet you bought her a whole pair!!! What color were they Loren? Were they made of nylon or leather? Were they lined?!? Were the Isotoner gloves? I bet they were! I need my gloves! Where are my gloves!?!

I'm convinced that you don't read my messages anymore. I've poured my heart out to you. I've shown things to you that I've never shown anyone else. I've let you see the "inner" me. The me that is warm and beautiful and full of blood and guts and stuff. I've told you about my collection of black velvet Elvis art.

Wait a second...that's it...it's so clear now...I see everything...that's it...THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!

You're trying to get to my collection of black velvet Elvis paintings!!! You want my ART!!! You're trying to steal my art and sell it on the black market!! I was going to wake up one day and find every wall in my trailer completely bare, while you and your daughter drive away in a 1992 baby blue, Dodge Caravan (with wood paneling) laughing with all of my paintings!

Well, mister, I can tell you right now, you'll NEVER get my collection!!! I'm going to change all of the locks on my trailer TODAY!!! You'll never get your gloved hands on my 54 paintings!!!

You're dead to me Kelvin! You were doing this to steal my heart and my paintings. I bet you were going to steal my collection of Elvis snow globes too! Well, I'm wise to you now! You're lovely, gloved words don't work with me anymore!

Enjoy your other girlfriend,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:51 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: WAITING FOR YOU

MY LOVE COULD YOU GET ON YOUR YAHOO MESSENGER SO WE CAN CHAT SO OFTEN.I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU EVERY MINUTES.I LOVE YOU AND WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 6:00 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: WAITING FOR YOU

Lorin,

You see!?! You just don't get it. You keep using your words! It's always words! I need more! I'm special! I'm a complex woman with complex needs and complex ideas and complex stuff. Yahoo Messenger can't do anything to salvage this relationship. Yahoo Messenger will only allow you to keep using your words. Your duplicitous, crafty, clandestine, misleading, sneaky words of deception.

You're simply trying to use your words to get close to me so you can sell my black velvet Elvis art on the black velvet market. You didn't deny it. This is absolute proof that I was right! Well, you can forget it. I've changed the locks on my trailer and installed a home security system from Radio Shack. My paintings are well protected now.

How is your OTHER girlfriend? I can tell you were talking to her again! The one you gave the gloves to. I can tell you've been talking by the way you used the word "YAHOO" in your message. It sickens me! I'm sickened right now! I'm sickened to my bowels! You sicken me! You're sickening!

I feel sorry for you Kelvin. You have a disease. A disease of the heart. A disease of the brain. Your disease makes you think that you can hold a woman's heart in one hands while you steal her black velvet Elvis paintings with your other. I only hope you can find a cure for your heart and brain...I really do.

Our relationship is over. Your treacherous words have no effect on me anymore. You will never get my black velvet Elvis paintings. My trailer has new locks and an alarm system from Radio Shack.

Good bye,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I haven’t heard from Loren/Kelvin for a day. I’m not sure if he is giving up on me or what. I think I might let things rest a while and then start him back up again. I’m just not sure yet.
___________________________