Licia and Captain Awesome are in LOVE!!!

This story was the 2nd with Captain Awesome, a professional video game player. I introduced "Captain Awesome" in another story with a scammer named Grace. Unfortunately, she left me prematurely and I never felt that my character got to really develop. My goal was to have a guy who still lives with his parents and has very few interpersonal skills. He really wants a girlfriend, but tends to smother her with his announcements of love and affection. If you read the post with Captain Awesome and Grace, you will immediately find that the first couple of messages to Licia are almost identical, but stick with it because it becomes its own story very shortly.

As far as the scam goes, this particular one starts out differently because the scammer is a young female who is trapped in a refugee camp and needs a strong, honest man to save her. She wants to ensure the man believes her plight and her love for him before she announces the millions of dollars stuck in the bank.

This story was a lot of fun because midway through, the "lawyer" insulted me and I decided to insult him in retaliation, but doing so while pretending to be the victim. What was even better was that I found a website that automatically generates insulting names which I used liberally within my correspondence with Licia and the "lawyer". I also enjoyed including the footnote that "Captain Awesome" is a soon-to-be trademarked name for Dick Stillhard in all of my messages.

Characters
Scammer: Licia Awaza
Lawyer: Oveh Ifekh
Banker: Mr. Slater
Me: Dick Stillhard (aka: Captain Awesome)

Here's our story...
____________________

From: licia awaza
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:09:58 AM
Subject: Hello Dear,

Happy is the day and bright is the voice of yours Miss Licia,How is life arround you together with your curiculum affairs,Hope there is no cause for alarm in any corner arround you.If so may GOD name be praise for his infinite mercy unto us Amen.
With felicitation to write and communicate with you in this few lines of mine.My name is miss Licia Awaza i just browing right now in the internet and i found your profile at and iwas much feeling over it,Please my dear i will like us to hold a good long time relationship with real love.I'm happy to look at your profile today,you sound so gentle to me that was the reason why i fall very much interested in you.
For more introduction and my pictures will be send to you by next mail,so we can know more about each other, my dear,age or colour even distance can't deny any genuine love,so please lets give our self a trial,thanks till i hear from you soon.
please contact me with this my email:...
Yours in love,Licia Awaza.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: licia awaza
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 1:03:14 PM
Subject: Re: Hello Dear,

Dear Lickia,

Thank you so much for the sweet message. You were correct. I checked around the corner and there was nothing there.

I am surprised at how easily you found me. It is truly fate because I just broke up with my girlfriend three days ago and was looking to find someone to fill my heart with happiness and joy.

Now, I have you!

Please send me your picture. I would love to put a face to the name.

Sincerely,

Dick
____________________

Author note: In the following message, Licia did send me a picture of herself. Isn't she beautiful?
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 10:37:27 AM
Subject: HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU,

Hello my Dear,
I am more than happy in your reply to my email.. How was your day? Mine is quiet over here in Dakar Senegal.
My name is Licia Awaza, I 'm 24, from Liberia in Africa. i am 5.10ft tall, Fair in complexion,(never married before )and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country.
My late father Dr Richard Awaza was the managing director of Awazaz and Associates (Ltd) and he was a special adviser to our former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.
It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am living now in a refugee camp,and this computer is belonging to a reverend that has a church here in the camp.
I will like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.
Attached here is my picture. Like to see yours.
Hoping to hear from you soon
Miss Licia
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 4:44:34 PM
Subject: Re: HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU,

Licia,

Wow, you are VERY pretty!! You have no idea how happy I am that you have found me. I still cannot figure out how you did, but I will just chalk that up to fate.

I'm sorry to hear about your family and the fact that you are living in a refugee camp. That must be tough. Tell the Reverend Father that you are going to be using his computer A LOT!!! I want to write to you ALL OF THE TIME!!!

You wanted to know about me, so here goes...

My name is Dick, but my friends call me Captain Awesome!! I'm 31 years old and I live with my Mom and Dad (I'm saving up to rent my own place). I'm a PROFESSIONAL VIDEO GAME GAMER!!! Yeah Baby!!!

I got my name about 19 years ago because I was KILLING everyone's high score on Galaga at the local bowling alley. People from all around used to come to the 'Bowl-topia' bowling alley every Friday night to watch me ELIMINATE the competition!!! I would pull up in my Lime Green Pinto (I call it 'Captain Awesome's Conveyance of DEATH') and people would say "Here comes Captain Awesome!".

Nice.

Now, I go to local malls and play video games for money. Just last week, I went to the 'Center Street Mall' to "battle" the competition at Madden '09. I won 2nd place and got $2,500. Not bad huh?!?

My current game is 'Street Fighter IV', but I have some competition! Her name is Aretha! She's the only person who has EVER beat me! She always plays Zangief! Her 'Double Lariat, Focus Attack Dash Cancel' is UNBELIEVABLE! Oh, he's a slow character, but she can handle him like a professional. I try to use Gouken's character because he has the best 'Crouching and Standing Hard Punches' in the game!! But, she still beats me like a 4 year old in a K-Mart!! So, I practice about 14 hours a day.

Anyway, my likes are the following:

1. Hot Pockets
2. Red Bull (it gives me WINGS)
3. Video Games
4. Big Gulp's
5. Ice Cream
6. Pizza
7. Bean bag chairs

My dislikes are:

1. Exercise
2. Sweating
3. Jobs

I have only known you for a short time, but I can tell that God has brought you to me and I LOVE YOU!!!

Please write back soon,

Dick (aka Captain Awesome!(c))
Professional Video Game Gamer
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

____________________

Author note: She sent me another picture. I can tell she loves me. It's quite obvious. She also loves me enough to tell me her "secret".
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 3:42:42 PM
Subject: MORE ABOUT ME WITH LOVE AND TRUST,

Hello my dear,
How is your day? I believe is fine. Mine here is fine and like you know i am living in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal. In this camp we are only allowed to go out only on Mondays and Fridays of the weeks, It's just like one staying in the prison and i hope by God's grace i will come out from here soon. I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to as all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war.
The only person i have now is Rev. Bernard Timothe who is the pastor of the ( Living Water christian church) here in the camp, he has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i live in the females hostel because the camp has two hostels one for men the other for women.
The Pastor's Tel number is ( +221 77 1036102 ) if you call, please tell him that you want to speak with me so that he will send for me in the hostel. Call 12 noon GMT, i will be in the Reverend's office by that time tomorrow please,
As a refugee here i don't have any right or privileged to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country. I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to the death of my parents took place.

Please listen to this, i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you later because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is $6.5M (six Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars). So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you.
I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me.
So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember i am giving you all this information due-to the trust i deposed on you, I like honest and understanding people, a man of vision, truthful and hardworking. My favorite language is English. Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said i have a lot to tell you. Call me 12 noon my time tomorrow, i will be in the Reverend's office that time.
Have a nice day and think about me.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest
Yours Forever in mind,
Licia.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:25:08 PM
Subject: Re: MORE ABOUT ME WITH LOVE AND TRUST,

Hello Honey-Baby,

Now that you are my "Official girlfriend", I want you to know that I will do ANYTHING for you!! I'll be your Master Chief of the United Nations Space Command (UNSC) from Halo. I'll be your Space Marine fighting the onslaught of demons from Doom, Doom II, The Ultimate Doom, and Final Doom (I rocked at these games).

I Love You Licia-Jane!!!

I just can't believe you have $6.5 Million Dollars! My Mom and Dad are still living and they still have to take out a loan for a used Kia Rio. My Mom and Dad manage my money. It's a real pain, but I was spending my money on new games and game systems. They just don't understand that the life of a GAMER requires the best systems out there...and Hot Pockets!! They said they got tired of having to pay for my gas and stuff. Oh well.

I have NEVER Loved anyone like you Licia-face!!!!

I really want to talk to you. I'm sure you have one of those "hot" voices like Maria Bamford or Yeardly Smith. Their voices are HOT HOT HOT! But, there's a problem. I'm going to the Twin Pines Mall for a HUGE, Kung Fu Panda/XBOX 360 competition! First prize gets $2,500 and a 1-year gift card for 'Wrestle the Pretzel' pretzels!!! I frickin' LOVE those pretzels!! I heard there are about 250 people entered, but I know all of the competition in the area and they don't stand a chance against "CAPTAIN AWESOME"!!!

I'll be back late Sunday night, but I'll try to get on a machine at Best Buy and write you a quick note telling you how much I LOVE YOU!!!

Just remember that your CAPTAIN AWESOME Loves You Licia-Bluejeans!!! Keep sending me your photos!!!

Love,

Your Captain Awesome*
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* Captain Awesome is a soon-to-be registered trademark for Dick S. Stillhard.
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 4, 2009 3:38:46 PM
Subject: Please contact the bank for the transfer

Hello My dearest,
How are you today?. I believe that you are doing well. As for me am fine here with all hopes to meet with you immediately after the transfer of my money to your position for a better life. God will bless and reward you and your family for every effort you are about to make to see me out from this horrible prison called refugee camp where i am living today as a result of the untimely death of my parents(may their gentle souls rest in peace).

I appreciate your interest to assist me in transferring my money deposited by my late father at CLYDESDALE BANK PLC of which my name appears as the next of kin.
Like i told you in my first mail my father was the personal adviser of the former head of state of my country before he was killed by rebels when they took over the government which put me in this situation i am today.

After the death of my parents i managed to make my way to Senegal where the United Nations have their refugee camp in West Africa. This place is like a prison and i thank God for the life of the pastor of this church located in this camp where i send and receive emails. And I have 100% trust and confidence in you and I am rest assured that you will surely help me out from this terrible place called refugee camp.
Here is the contact information of the bank in Scotland where the money was deposited by my late father,
CLYDESDALE BANK PLC
30 St Vincent Place
Glasgow, G1 2HL
SCOTLAND
Email addresses:(info@clydesdalb.com)
NAME OF THE TRANSFER OFFICER IS MR GAVIN SLATER.
TELEPHONE NO: +44 70-3190-3203
FAX NUMBER : +44 870-120-6611

Already I have informed this bank about my intention to claim my late father's deposit of which my name appears as the next of kin.
The only thing the bank told me is to look for a foreign partner who will assist me in the transfer due to my refugee status here in Senegal, as a refugee i am not allowed direct claim of the money but through an appointed representative as the united refugee law governing refugee all over the world states.
Based on this information I will like you to send an email to the transfer department of the bank with this email address (info@clydesdalb.com) Attention to Mr. Gavin Slater the foreign transfer officer of the bank telling him that you are my representative and that you want to assist me transfer my 6.5 million dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin and I have equally forwarded your contact details to them so that they will recognize you when you contact them.
THE ACCOUNT INFORMATION ARE AS FOLLOWS.
ACCOUNT NAME : DR RICHARD AWAZA
AMOUNT : 6.5 MILLION DOLLARS.
NEXT OF KIN : MISS LICIA AWAZA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 431111
God bless you as I wait for your call.
From me Licia

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Sunday, July 5, 2009 7:31:16 PM
Subject: I am VICTORIOUS!!!

Dearest Licia-Lou,

I had to pay the BestBuy guy $5 to do this, but I couldn't wait to tell you how much I LOVE you.

Your "Captain Awesome" was frickin' AWESOME and utterly VICTORIOUS!!! I completely SMASHED the competition!!! The last kid was practically in tears. I used my "Panda Stumble" and "Panda Quake" maneuvers with precision! He didn't stand a chance!

I LOVE YOU!!!

He was sitting next to me when I said "Hey, did you see the bus outside?" He said "What bus?" So, I said "The bus that takes you home after you get SCHOOLED by ME!!!" Man, I laughed and laughed.

So, your man has just won $2,500 AND my 1-year gift card for 'Wrestle the Pretzel' pretzels!!

I can't wait to hear from you. I have missed you so much and cannot wait to read another beautiful message from you.

I Love You more than my copy of Original Halo with the holographic image on the box!

Write me,

Dick (Captain Awesome)
____________________

Author note: I'm not sure what's going on at that refugee camp, but the conditions are deteriorating FAST. It's so bad, she forgot her name was Licia. She signed her message Amy!
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 9:51:44 AM
Subject: I NEED YOUR HELP OK,

Sweetheart,
Am glad to read from you today again,how are you,hope all is well with you over there,well as for me over here as i told you in my last mail that my condition is very bad please you have to help me to come out of this place called refugee camp to be with you in your country and to futher more my education.
Sweetheart i will like to know if you are willing to help me transfer my late fathers money to your account,if yes please do write back immidiately so that i can tell you what next to do for the transfer to be done ok,am waiting forward to read from you soonest.
Yours love Amy.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 4:09:29 PM
Subject: Re: I NEED YOUR HELP OK,

Dearest Lickie,

I'm so happy to hear from you. I'm sorry that you are not having a good day. I've got to be painfully honest...I've missed you SO much!!! I haven't missed anyone this much since I got the 'Red Ring of Death' on my Xbox 360 and I couldn't see Marcus Fenix in 'Gears of War' for 3 weeks while it was being repaired! Not being able to write to you hurt just as bad!

My heart beats only for you Licki-Songbird!!!

Please relax my love - of course I WILL help you!! You can count on me. I am "officially" working for you my sweetheart-lovergirl-dreamboat! As far as I'm concerned we have officially forged an alliance. It's just like the alliance I created in 'World of Warcraft'. I had to go to Dun Niffelem and ask King Jokkum to allow Thorim's armor to be reforged. After completing Jokkum's task, I had to speak with Njormeld in Dun Niffelem. I'm sure you see that our relationship is practically the same thing!

I'm sorry if I seemed distant over the weekend. Like I said before, I was at the Twin Pines Mall for the Kung Fu Panda/XBOX 360 competition - which I won!!! I have $2,450 in MY pocket (I spent $50 at Applebee's after the competition). Competing against a bunch of posers really makes me hungry!

I LOVE YOU Lickia-Niffler!!!

I've told my Mom and Dad that I have a new girlfriend (you) who means everything to me. They're really happy to hear about you. Of course they don't understand your current situation and how I MUST help you to come to the United States, but don't worry though. I'm going to contact the bank today and get everything rolling.

Please send me another picture of yourself. I've used a copy of Photoshop to make a poster of your last picture. I look at it all of the time.

You are EVERYTHING to me!!!

Please write again and tell me how much I mean to you.

Love,

Your Captain Awesome*
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com


* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Now, I have to contact the bank. I try to start these fairly straight-laced just so I don't raise any red flags.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: info@clydesdalb.com
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 4:10:50 PM
Subject: I am helping Licia Awaza...

Dear Mr. Slater,

My name is Dick Stillhard, but you can call me 'Captain Awesome'. I am a close, personal friend of Ms. Licia Awaza. She has informed me that she has informed you that I would be contacting you.

I would like to assist Licia in transferring her $6,500,000.00 dollars from her late father to my personal bank account. Please be aware that I am not keeping this money. I am simply going to hold it for her. Below is the account information I have received from Ms. Awaza (my girlfriend).

Account Name: Dr. Richard Awaza
Amount: $6,500,000
Next of Kin: Miss Licia Awaza
Account number: 431111

Please feel free to contact me with any information I need so that this money transfer can be completed as quickly as possible. I'm afraid that Ms. Awaza's living conditions are very bad and she needs to move soon. It's all very complicated.

Sincerely,

Dick (aka Captain Awesome)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

Author note: I couldn't figure this one out. Licia tells me that the person I need to contact is Mr. Slater, but someone named Paulina Walters responds. It must be a very large bank.
____________________

From: Clydesdale Plc
To: "dicksstillhard@yahoo.com"
Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 9:54:25 AM
Subject: ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT

CBCLYDESDALE BANK PLC
30 St. Vincent place,
Glasgow,G1 2HL, Scotland
Email: info@clydesdalb.com

For Your Attention Sir,

I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire Transfer to write you in respect to your mail inquiry.

Actually we have earlier been informed about you by the young lady (Miss. Licia Awaza)that she wishes you to be her trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with this bank.

Late Dr. Richard Awaza is our late customer with substantial amount (US$6,500,000.00) of deposit with us. Hence you have been really appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.

However before our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the fund with you, we want you to send the following for the verification of your claims:

1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the funds to your bank account on Miss Licia Awaza's behalf. This document must be endorsed and prepared by a Senegalese resident lawyer on which the next of kin will sign and thumb print.

2.The death certificate of late Dr. Richard Awaza (Her deceased father)confirming his death.

3.A copy of the last statement of account issued to Dr Richard Awaza by our bank.

Note that the above are compulsory, and are needed to protect our interest, yours, the next of kin during and after the claims.
These shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is made within 48 hours from when we receive the above mentioned documents.

We promise to give our customers the best of our services. Should you have any question(s), please contact our foreign operations director-Mr.Gavin Slater on his office telephone number 00 44 70 3190 3203 or email (gavinslater@clydesdalb.com) for more directives/clarifications .

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs.Paulina Walters
(For Accounts Dept)


Clydesdale Plc email Disclaimer and confidentiality note.
This e-mail, its attachments and any rights attaching hereto are, unless the content clearly indicates otherwise, the property of Clydesdale PLC and its subsidiaries. It is confidential, private and intended for only the addressee.
Should you not be the addressee and receive this e-mail by mistake, kindly notify the sender, and delete this e-mail immediately.
Do not disclose or use it in any way. Views and opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the sender unless clearly stated as those of Clydesdale Plc
Clydesdale Plc does not warrant the integrity of this e-mail nor is that it free of viruses, interception or interference.
Licensed divisions of the Clydesdale Plc are authorized financial services providers in terms of the Financial Advisory and Intermediary Services Act, No 37 of 2002 (FAIS).

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 6:03:03 PM
Subject: I need YOUR help now!!!

Hey Honey-Baby-Sweetheart,

It's "Captain Awesome" checking in with you. I've missed you so much today. I've been training for my next competition. I have to spend 6 to 8 hours a day "training". Saturday morning I have to drive ALL THE WAY to the Riverside Mall for another Kung Fu Panda/Xbox 360 competition. There's going to be over 500 people entered in this one and the grand prize is...wait for it...$5,000 and a $250 gift card for Applebee's!!! Is that flippin' sweet or what?!?

I Love You!!!

Oh, before I forget, I was contacted by Paulina Walters at the Clydesdale Bank. Please don't get too jealous because I'm talking to another woman - she's strictly a business relationship and means nothing to me. Although, I can tell she kind-of "digs" me. Anyway, she needs me to get a bunch of legals stuff for her so that the money can be transferred to my bank account.

Can you give "Captain Awesome" the following stuff?
A power of attorney permitting me to claim and transfer the funds to my bank account on your behalf. She said that the document must be endorsed and prepared by a Senegalese resident lawyer, and that you'll have to sign it and put a thumb print on it.
The death certificate for your dad.
A copy of the last statement of the bank account.
I don't know how you are going to get this legal stuff since your refugee camp is like a prison, but hopefully you will get it.

Please write me another letter so that I know that you are OK. Please tell me what you like most about "Captain Awesome"!

I love you even more than when I started typing this message to you!

With all of my heart and veins,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 1:42:16 PM
Subject: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Hello My Dearest love,
It's lovely writing to you again today. How are you?.I so much believe that you are doing well. I thank you so much for all your concern and care. I appreciate the way you are handling this transfer of my money to your position pending my arrival to meet with you to start a new life. God will bless and reward you for taking good care of an orphan and i will equally pay you back your kind gesture.
I can see what the bank is demanding before they will transfer my money to your position.The only problem we have now is the power of attorney which the bank said that it will be issued by a lawyer here in Senegal for me to sign my signature on it.
After going through the bank mail i discussed it with the Reverend and he gave me the contact of this lawyer Barrister Oveh Ifekh.
He is one of the lawyers working with the United Nations here in Dakar Senegal.Presently i have my late father death certificate and statement of account with me here which i have given to the lawyer to send to you when you contact him.
I want you to contact him on both phone and e-mail telling him that you are my foreign partner that you need his services to prepare a power of attorney that will enable you transfer my 6.5 million dollars from Clydesdale Bank Plc, Scotland to your account on my behalf due to my refugee status. His contact information are as follows,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh
E maill address: Oveh@lawyer..com
Office telephone number +221776087031 I want you to email and call him immediately and discuss with him.
God bless you so much for your love and care
Love from me
Yours Licia

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 4:50:53 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dearest Licka,

Thank you for the message. I appreciate you helping me help you

But, Captain Awesome is a little concerned about calling your lawyer. My Mom and Dad will totally FREAK OUT if I make an International call! I mean, their heads will come off of their shoulders and flames will come out of their necks. You should have seen them when Microsoft called them to tell them about all of the calls I made. They threatened to take away my Xbox, PS3, PS2, Wii, and DS!

I Love You Licka-Jean-Fancy Pants!!!

By the way, I don't want to sound needy, but you haven't professed your love for me in quite a while! Are you seeing someone else? I hope not.

Oh, I wanted to let you know that I'm going away for a HUGE Xbox 360 competition. I'll be gone all week. I'll try to contact you during the competition, but it's going to be pretty crazy.

I will always love you!

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Right about here, my entire family went on vacation. This was a very touchy time because I was having a lot of fun, and didn't want this scammer to abandon me because I couldn't communicate for a week. We left on the 11th and came back the 16th. This was also the time for me to contact the "Barrister". I always love how this highly intelligent person's grammer and spelling literally tank after the first message or two. Let's watch shall we?
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh@lawyer.com
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 8:19:36 PM
Subject: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

Dear Barrister Ifekh,

My name is Dick. I am a foreign partner to Ms. Licia Awanza. I am writing to you because I need you help to prepare a power of attorney that will enable me to transfer $6.5 million dollars from Clydesdale Bank Plc, Scotland to my bank account.

It appears that her refugee status seriously constrains her hands and she is unable to gather this money herself.

Ms. Awanza has been kind enough to give me your information.

I must make you aware that I am leaving tomorrow to go to a HUGE Xbox 360 competition that is out of state. It is a weeklong competition and I will not return until the 19th of July.

Please send me any and all information and I'll address the details when I return victorious in my quest of SUPREME XBOX GAMESMAN CHAMPION-DUDE!!!

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 11, 2009 4:13:02 AM
Subject: Re: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

SIR,

SEQUEL TO YOUR REQUEST TO MY NOBLE LAW CHAMBERS ON HOW TO PREPARE A POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

MY NOBLE LAW FIRM WISH TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT BEFORE WE CAN PROCEED WITH THIS SERVICES WE WILL WANT YOU TO FORWARD AND CONFIRM TO THIS LAW FIRM IMMEDIATELY YOUR FULL CONTACT DETAILS(YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS AS WELL AS TELEPHONE NUMBERS AS YOU WANT IT TO APPEAR ON THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.)

SO THAT FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING, I WILL GO TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT HERE TO ASCERTAIN THE COST OF THE AUTHENTICATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY BEFORE IT BECOMES VALID.
AFTER WHICH MY LAW FIRM WILL CONTACT YOU BACK WITH THE REQUIREMENTS BEFORE ACCEPTING TO RENDER THE REQUIRED LEGAL SERVICES.

YOURS IN SERVICE,

BARRISTER. OVEH IFEKH (ESQ)
PRINCIPAL PARTNER
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 5:08:27 AM
Subject: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Sweetheart,
Am glad to read from you today again,how are you,hope all is well with you over there,well as for me over here,am not ok my love,my condition here is very bad and please you have to be fast to get me out of this place to be with you in your country and to further more my education.
Sweetheart please really want to meet you,so please why not write the layer with the email i gave you ok,my situations here are bad ok,so please do contact him ok,and please as soon as he respons to you please forward to me his respons to me ok,here is his contact ...
Barrister Oveh Ifekh
E maill address: Oveh@lawyer.com
Office telephone number +221776087031 I want you to email and call him immediately and discuss with him,am waiting forward to read from you soonest.
Yours Licia.

____________________

Author note: My poor girlfriend is practically dying in that refugee camp. Unfortunately, I had no idea because I was having a GREAT time vacationing with my family.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Friday, July 17, 2009 12:59:27 PM
Subject: Re: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

Dear Mr. Ifkey,

Thank you for the message. I'm sorry for the delay, but I was competing in a HUGE Xbox360/Kung Fu Panda competition.

Here's the information you requested:

Name: Mr. Dick S. Stillhard
Address: P.O. Box 2934787, Seattle, WA 98101
Phone Number: 206-339-7676

Please keep me informed of any further information you need from me. My wish is that this transaction can be completed as quickly as possible for my new girlfriend.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 17, 2009 1:06:05 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dearest Lickia-Smackypants,

I'm so sorry to hear about your current condition. I promise that I will never leave you again (unless, the new Halo competition at the Burlingsmack Mall takes place next month - first prize is $10,000 - yeah baby!!).

I came home early from the Xbox360/Kung Fu Panda competition. I think you remember that first prize was $5,000 and a 1-year gift card for Applebee's. To make a long story short...I TOTALLY WON BABY!!! One of the competitors had a really cool way of holding the controller (I may try it at home), but his reflexes were too slow and he didn't watch his Chi meter closely enough. The other guy (who got a distant 2nd place) wasn't able to get a Hit Chain over 7!!!

Can you believe that!?! Heck, I can do a Hit Chain of 27 with my eyes closed!!!

I Love You more today than yesterday!!

Oh, I contacted the lawyer and sent him the information he needed from me. He should have all of the paperwork ready by early next week. I think you can start packing your bags "honey-baby" because when the money gets transferred, you will be flying to my waiting arms!!

I LOVE YOU Lickia-Pinto!!! I love you more than buffalo chicken tenders!

Write me again using your beautiful fingers and hands. I live for your messages of love and warmth.

Signing out,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

Author note: Accompanying the message from the "lawyer" were some documents he prepared for me...including his passport. Very nice.

Click to see the Death Certificate
Click to see the Passport
Click to see the Statement of Account
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 4:08:52 AM
Subject: INFORMATION

Dear Sir,

Sequel to your email, i am replying you with the requirements for the said power of attorney..
Your partner Miss Awaza was in my office with the Reverend Father to discuss about the issuing to you an authorization letter that will enable you stand on her behalf to claim her late father's fund.
Prior to my inquiries from the bank and high court, I understood from the bank that there are three documents required by them before the transfer of the money to you.
1.A copy of Death certificate of Dr Richard Awaza
2.A copy of His Statement of account.(which are available)
It is now remaining one document.Which is power of attorney which will enable the Bank to deal with you on behalf of your partner.
From my inquiries, it will cost the sum of 780 dollars for authentication of the power of attorney at the high court before it becomes valid and 100 dollars for notary stamping at the notary public. My legal processing fee of 100 dollars total (US$980)

To speedy the process you are to send these money to me through western union money transfer system.(which is the fastest way of sending money to enable my noble office prepare and validate the power of attorney here in the high court and notary public respectively. You are to send the 980 dollars with my name.

Barrister Oveh Ifekh
26 Rue 22 Medina, Dakar, Senegal.

Send or call me for the information as soon as you send the money to enable me to collect the money from western union local office here.
Attached here is a copy of my international passport so that you can know more about the person you are dealing with.

Yours sincerely in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh..(ESQ)
(Principal Partner).
No 26 Rue 22 Medina Dakar,Senegal.
TEL +221 77 6087031
(oveh@lawyer.com)

____________________

Author note: I decided to give the "lawyer" a hard time about his legal fees. I included some questions that I hope he will address.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 12:38:47 PM
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

Dear Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

Thanks for the update. I'm sure your help will help me and help my new girlfriend. But, I don't understand what this "Power of Attorney" does. Why do we need it and why does it cost $780.00? My other question is about the notary stamping. My Aunt Gertrude is a "notary public" and she only charges $10.00 to stamp a piece of paper. Why does it cost $100.00 there?

My other problem is that I don't have any Western Union close enough for me to ride my bike to. I asked a person at my bank about transferring money and they do it, but they use Moneygram. Will that work?

Please let me know as soon as possible because I have a new Xbox360 competition that I have to train for. It's a Madden '09 competition and my defensive skills are not up to snuff so I need to put in some SERIOUS time in the next couple of days. My Mom is keeping me fueled with an endless supply of Hot Pockets and Purple Fierce Gatoraid (I find that these foods fuel me the best and help allow my fingers to glide on the controller).

Thanks for your help and understanding. The next time you see Lickia, please tell her that I "LOVE" her with all of my guts and stuff.

Thanks,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 12:59:09 PM
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

Dear Sir,

I received your email. Go ahead and send the 980 dollars through Moneygram and give me the money transfer information by email
.
Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh

____________________

Author note: When I received his last message, I got a little upset because he clearly didn't read any of my questions. If he had, he completely ignored them, which also upsets me. I decided to ask him to please take more time reading my messages. I also chose to tattle on him to my girlfriend.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 5:02:40 PM
Subject: Please read all of my messages

Dear Mr. Barrister Ifekch,

I'm happy that you read part of my message, but apparently you didn't read all of it.

I still have questions about some of your charges. I will state them again so there can be no confusion (that's what my Mom and Dad say).

1. I don't understand what this "Power of Attorney" does. Why do we need it and why does it cost $780.00?
2. Why does it cost $100.00 there? My Aunt Gertrude is a "notary public" and she only charges $10.00 to stamp a piece of paper.
Please pay attention to all of my messages from now on. I hate repeating myself. I shouldn't have to do that with a "Barrister". You know?

Thanks,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 5:14:13 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dear Licka,

I'm working with your lawyer now, but he doesn't read all of my messages like you do. Are you sure he's qualified to help us?

I mean, I'm a little hyperactive myself, but I read everything you write because you are my new girlfriend and I want to hug you and squeeze you and run my fingers through your hair and teach you how to play Halo on Xbox360. I know that we are meant to be together because I can sense the love you have for me in your messages.

I love you Lickia-Twizzler-breath!!!

You are my Maria Latore and I'm your Claude in Grand Theft Auto 3!!! I love you because you save Claude from a death trap set up by Salvatore. You are as beautiful as Regina in Fable 2 (she's a character a friend made who looks just like you).

So, you see, we are made for each other. I've already started cleaning out one side of my closet for your stuff. I've even thrown out a lot of my t-shirts from my old Xbox games. I mean, who wants an old Elder Scrolls: Morrowind t-shirt (this was the Game of the Year though).

Please write me again. Please tell me how much you want to be my girlfriend.

I love you more and more and more and more each day.

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 2:08:48 PM
Subject: love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. It is not long we finished the Sunday church service and i decided to come and check my email. i am so happy that you wrote me an email. i am always very happy reading from you and know that you did very fine and won the competition. i am so happy for you.
Thank you so much for being there for me. God will bless you so much for your good heart and love towards me. i prayed very well today for God to help us to meet very soon for a good and nice relationship. i love and cherish you so much with all my heart.
Please try and cooperate with the lawyer to get the power of attorney from him being the only thing that is stopping the bank of my late father from transferring the 6.5 million dollars of my late father to you and you helping me to leave here and join you for a good life.
The lawyer is a very reputable and qualified lawyer in this country. Please try and send him the money he asked of so that he will make the power of attorney for us. please try all to help me and i promise to give you 30% of the 6.5 million dollars to you for your help as soon as the money gets to your account and you will still be the one to invest and management the rest of the money for me as i will like to go back to school as soon as i join you.
I hope to hear from you soon and please do take good care of yourself.
Love from me
Your Licia
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 4:03:19 AM
Subject: Re: Please read all of my messages

I think you are one arrogant young man. If you do not know your manners or how to handle official matter, please go and learn. I have told you the document validation requirements, if you need my services then you have to comply.
____________________

Author note: Oh NO he didn't!! Did he just call me arrogant!?! He did!! Well, the gloves are off people!! It's time for some verbal smackdown!

I LOVE this part!!
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 8:56:20 PM
Subject: Re: Please read all of my messages

Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

How dare you call me arrogant!!! It is YOU who did not read my entire message!!

As a matter of fact, you STILL have NOT answered my questions. I believe these questions to be valid and important. The fact that you HAVE NOT answered them only tells me that YOU have something to hide, or you have no valid answer for them.

If you believe that I am arrogant, then I believe you are UNPROFESSIONAL!!! How do you like that!?! If you expect me to pay YOU $980.00, then I expect you to answer my questions so that I feel comfortable paying it. I can tell you that right now, I find YOU to be an arrogant old fart!! As a matter of fact, you remind me of my Uncle Bob. He's an overweight, smelly, "old fart" who constantly tries to make people feel bad so he can have his way.

Well, I am used to his tactics and temper tantrums, so you cannot bother me with yours.

I am willing to pay the $980.00 because I LOVE my girlfriend Licka. But, I will NOT pay it until you answer my questions!!! And, I'm going to tell her that!!! I'm going to tell her that you are like my fat, smelly Uncle Bob!!!

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: I think I should include Licia. I feel the need to tell her how much I don't like her lawyer.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 9:09:11 PM
Subject: Re: love from me

Dearest Licia,

I am not happy with your choice of Barrister! He called me "arrogant" because I want him to answer some questions for me. I'm afraid that I got angry and called him an "old fart". I can't believe how he reminds me of Jimmy Walkins from the game Bully: Scholarship Edition. I can't believe he called ME names!! Can you!?!

I really want to help you Licka, but I think he's trying to sabotage the entire thing. He won't answer my questions and then he acts like a big, fat stinker!! What am I going to do? I don't like to call people names. I know it's hurtful, but he started it!!

I want so badly to call him a big farty-pants!! Or a slack-heeled spunkmuncher!! Or a potty-nosed cheesepoacher!! Or a foul-witted vomithandler!! Or a rubber-limbed hoseflosser!! But, I won't, because I'm too nice of a guy.

I LOVE YOU Licka-Hot Tamales!!!

I have the $980.00 for the legal fees, but my feelings are hurted and I just want to sit in my "Monsta Gamer Extreme Chair" and eat Hot Pockets and Twizzlers until I puke!!

Please tell me you still love me.

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2009 3:49:10 PM
Subject: love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. Thank you so much for your email. How do you want me to tell you that i still love you when you are hurting my heart. You said you have the 980 dollars but you wont send it to the lawyer to make the power of attorney because he provoked you.
That is the most painful thing i am hearing from you. You said you love me and you are doing everything to help me then why are you just reacting to a lawyer whom we need his services to make the document after which we wont need him for anything again.
Please my love, i am getting worried about you choice of words to me because you sometimes dont sound serious because the money of my late father is very big and enough to be serious about.
I hope to hear from you soon and please do take good care of yourself.
love from me
Licia

____________________

Author note: Now, I'm going to take the "high" road. Well, not really, but it sounds good.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 1:23:43 PM
Subject: You're right

Dearest Licka,

You're right. I should be better than him. I shouldn't let his childishness and his arrogance and his pompousness and his self-importance and his superciliousness and his pretentiousness keep me from helping the woman I love! I should rise above his conceitedness and haughtiness and just do what's right!

Do not fear. I will have you out of that refugee camp and upgrade your status to "free" and "rich"!

Please don't think that I am not taking this transaction serious. I know that your living conditions are serious. I know that your father's money is serious. I know that my upcoming competition is REALLY serious! Remember who your in love with...I'm "Captain Awesome"!!! I'm the man who has defeated over 4,344 competitors in my lifetime. I've destroyed over 35 Xbox 360's simply by using my prodigious skills!!

I love you Licka-Ballpark Frank!!!

Please try to keep your spirits high. Try to look into the sky and feel the warm feeling of freedom. Look at your hands and know that one day (very soon), I'll be holding them as we walk through the mall to purchase the new "Xbox 360 Elite Limited Edition Resident Evil 5 Bundle". This thing is FRICKIN' AWESOME!!!!

I'll send the money to the lawyer today. But, just know that I'm doing this for you and not for him. I still think he's a clown-encrusted nipplepuke!

I love you even more than when I started this message!

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 1:24:37 PM
Subject: I still need your help...

Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

I contacted Licka and she has begged me to send you the money. So, I've decided to rise above your evilness and send it. But, I'm not sending you the full $980.00 you requested! Since my Aunt only charges $10.00 for her notary services, I've reduced the amount to $890.00. I think that's fair considering you didn't answer any of my questions AND called me names!

I can assure you, if we were playing Street Fighter IV on the Xbox 360, I would be "Zangief" and I would put the HURT on you with my Super-Awesome Ultra Combo's!!! You'd really be "schooled" then!!

Anyway, I went to my bank today and they said you need the following stuff to get the money:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $890.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Gerbilpoacher!!
Control Number: 71162465

I really hope that you're a better "barrister" than you are a person, because my girlfriend really needs this money to get out of the refugee camp.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 7:17:19 AM
Subject: Re: I still need your help...

Scan and send the Moneygram transaction paper to me to verified the transfer

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:15:31 PM
Subject: Nothing to worry about...

Dearest Licka,

I wanted to let you know that I sent the Moneygram information to "Barrister" Ifekh yesterday. I hoped that he would have all of the legal stuff done by now, but he wants me to send him a "scanned" copy of the Moneygram receipt before he believes I sent him the money.

I love you Licka-Hand Lotion!!

I know you said that I shouldn't let him provoke me, but I just don't like him! He's a total "twinkie-breasted hampsterwatcher"! Ever since he started calling me names, everything he does now just makes me mad! I would NEVER call him names!

I've got to go out and buy a scanner today so I can scan the receipt for him. I'll have it sent out later today.

Please stay strong. Just know that I love you and am doing everything in my power to get you out of that retched refugee camp. I cannot wait until we are laughing together as we forget the refugee camp and that total "floppy-chinned meatspanker" Barrister Ifekh! We will be happy and rich and free and wealthy and mirthful and jubilant and prosperous.

With all of my heart,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: I wanted to bust him a little more.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 6:50:30 PM
Subject: Here's the receipt...

Dear Oven,

Oh, so you don't trust me huh? Well, I suppose it only makes sense because we both know you're a "foul-witted dinglespanker"!

I've attached the scanned receipt as you requested. I can only hope that you'll stop your delaying tactics and start working for my girlfriend Licka! She's trapped in a refugee camp while you continue to NOT read my messages and call me names!

I'm including the Moneygram details again because you probably "forgot" to read it the first time:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $890.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Gerbilpoacher!!
Control Number: 71162465

Please let me know when you have the "Power of Attorney" completed.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Uh oh, there's a problem with the Moneygram information.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 7:40:42 AM
Subject: Re: Here's the receipt...

Dear Sir,

I have gone to the bank and they confirmed that there was a mistake in the destination of your transaction. Go back and tell them to send the money to the country of SENEGAL in WEST AFRICA. According to the bank officers, the money is still in the United States and not yet here in Senegal. Make the corrections and get back to me before the end of work today.

Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 11:36:49 AM
Subject: I love you always

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. thank you so much for your emails and all the efforts you are making for me. i really love and cherish you so much for all your nice heart towards me.
Thank you for sending the money to the lawyer but i called him on his phone this afternoon and he said that you sent the scanned copy of the money paper to him and he went to the bank but he could not get the money. he said that his bank told him that there was mistake in the sending of the money by your money gram agent. He said that you should go and meet the agent and tell him that you want the money sent to Senegal in Africa so that he will be able to collect it here.
Please my love, thank you for ignoring the altitude of the lawyer towards you. Just try and go to the money gram agent and tell him to correct the transfer so that the lawyer will get it here. The reverend promised to give him the 90 dollars because he wanted to make trouble about it that you did not send the complete money.
I hope to hear from you soon my darling and please try and go and crosscheck the money transfer.
Love from me and a big kiss to you.
Yours Licia

____________________

Author note: Since he never gave me the proper country, I get to blame HIM for the problem. This is a first!
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 4:59:32 PM
Subject: Here's the updated info...

Mr. Oven,

Why didn't you tell me this before I went to the trouble of going to my bank, filling out the form, paying the money, buying a scanner, and send you the form? I think you're just trying to "yank my chain", and I don't like my chain being yanked!

Here's the new information. I had to cancel the original transaction (at a cost of $10.00, which I've deducted from the amount I am transferring to you). You're just lucky that there's a Taco Bell close to my bank. That's the only bright spot I've had so far dealing with you! I just LOVE the new 'Bacon Cheesy Potato Burrito' and the 'Gordita Baja' has that 'wonderfulness something' that brings a smile to my face.

Nothing says love like when your breath smells like taco's and burrito's...and I stunk of LOVE today!!!

Here's the new information:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $880.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Weenernugget!!
Control Number: 71162465

Please complete your part of this transaction as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 5:14:33 PM
Subject: Re: I love you always

Dearest Licka,

Your messages of love and cherishness always brings a smile to my face. I love you more than by 'Limited Edition of Sonic the Hedgehog 3'. I love you more than the custom Bayonetta Xbox 360 that I'm trying to win from PlatinumGames!!

I love you Licka-Cherry Coke!!

I'll try to be better working with your lawyer, but it is extremely difficult. He never told me to send the money to Senegal, so I used information from one of his earlier messages. Just between you and me, I think he's trying to make me do a lot of work while he does nothing.

Remember to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!! I'll be waiting for you.

I'll love you forever and forever amen.

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 7:19:31 AM
Subject: Re: Here's the updated info...

I have gone to the bank this morning and they said that the money is still hold up in United States. Go back and withdraw the money and make a fresh transaction and inform them that you want the money received in Senegal in Africa. Instruction them to send the money to senegal. Make a fresh transaction please if you want me to receive the money here.
One more attempt, i will wash my hands off this services because i have already received enough insults from you. I have not been insulted in my life the way you have done.

____________________

Author note: Strike 2! I love how he's getting tired of me insulting him.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 8:21:15 PM
Subject: I'll check with my bank...

Mr. Oven,

Are you sure you are asking the right questions at your bank? I can assure you that the money has been sent and everyone at MY bank says that the transfer is extremely simple and quite secure.

I'm afraid that I didn't receive your message until late in the day and my bank is now closed until Monday. I will ask them if there are any problems, but I really can't see that there are.

As for your ultimatum...I don't like threats sir. You may not like me, but this transaction is bigger than the two of us. I'm trying to help a wonderful woman who is trapped in a refugee camp. She is malnourished. She is not clean. She can only brush her teeth 3 times a week. She probably has multiple diseases from parasites and unclean water. She is in a veritable Hell!

I cannot believe that you are upset with me because you refuse to read my messages in their entirety. I'm pretty sure you haven't read this line because you only scan my messages. When I asked you to "please" read all of my messages you had the nerve to call me arrogant.

I can assure you that any insults you "think" you've received from me were caused by your lack of reading skills and Attention Deficit Disorder.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2009 4:20:21 PM
Subject: Love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you this Sunday evening? I hope you are fine. I have been trying to use the computer of the reverend since we finished the Sunday church service in the afternoon but i only got the opportunity now.
Thank you so much for your emails. i so much appreciate all your love and care towards me. I appreciate so much that you love the custom Bayonetta Xbox 360 that you are trying to win from PlatinumGames. Because of that i pray that god will help you to win it and also have my love. i love and cherish you so much.
God will bless you for all your efforts to see that i leave this terrible place called refugee camp and join you for a good life.
the lawyer said that he did not still get the money again yesterday and he said that you should go and find out why the problem persist or if possible send through western union money transfer to avoid the complications of the moneygram.
I want to tell you my darling, that i appreciate and cherish you so much and i wish that i could be able to leave here very soon to join you.
I look forward to hearing from you soon and please my darling do take good care of yourself.
Love from me
Licia

____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 1:31:57 PM
Subject: Re: I'll check with my bank...

Dear Sir,

I have received your email and your unpleasant remarks about me. I did not make any threat to you. I only told you that i am fed up of receiving insult from a client who does not appreciate my services.
Anyway, go to your bank as you said and tell them to regulate the transfer so that i can be able to receive it here in Senegal. Tell them to unblock the tranfer as it is the case there.

Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 8:37:00 PM
Subject: 3rd times a charm...I hope...

Mr. Oven,

I have reviewed my previous message and fail to see what was unpleasant about it. I was merely stating why I believe you are so irksome towards me. If you are upset because I have once again, pointed out how you do not read my messages thoroughly, then I'm afraid the problem stems with you and your inability to read or your hyperactivity.

Allow me to get to the point of this message. As we both know, I am a highly qualified video game player. You might say that I am THE video game player. I say this because my name is "CAPTAIN AWESOME!!!*". I have competed against the best players in the world! I've played almost every game. I have played every Madden Football ever made. I've played Halo: Combat Evolved, Halo 2, Halo 2: Multiplayer Map Pack, Halo 3, Halo Wars. I have the Halo 3: Legendary Edition with the Highly Collectible Spartan Helmet case. I've even preordered Halo 3: ODST. You are also aware that I recently won the Kung Fu Panda:Xbox 360 competition.

I'm now trying to prepare for the ULTIMATE Resident Evil 5 competition at the Stoney Creek Mall on August 6th. My problem is that I keep finding myself at my bank instead of in front of my console. My Zombie Kill Accuracy Percentage is down 11.5% because of this constant distraction! How do you expect me to win the $850.00 Grand Prize?!?

I've gone to my bank today and they told me that they are experiencing problems with the computer system that connects with the Moneygram main office. I canceled the 2nd transaction and filed a 3rd at a cost of $25.00 (which I am deducting from the new transfer amount). They are "certain" the transfer will reach your destination tomorrow (July 28th).

I have posted this detail at the bottom of my message to (hopefully) get you to read the entire message:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $880.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Donkeybot!!
Control Number: 67884215

Please, please, please retrieve this money and begin the legal proceedings so my girlfriend doesn't have to spend another day in that awful refugee camp.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
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Author note: I thought they had given up on me. So much so, I was posting this story here when what do my wondering eyes appear? This just in...
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From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 4:58:00 AM
Subject: Love from me

Hello my love,

How are you today? i hope you are fine. I thought i would have gotten an email from you before now. I hope you are fine. How are you preparing for your competition? I wish you all the best of luck. I will win it and we both will celebrate it.
Please my darling, i want you to take a look at the transfer you made to the lawyer. He could not still get it.I am sorry that this is causing you a lot of distraction but remember that you are doing it for me your love. I promise that i will forever love and cherish you and compensate you very greatly.
Please go and withdraw that money and send it to the lawyer through western union money transfer. he is saying maybe the money gram is blocking the transfer and they dont want to tell you why. Please do it for me as soon as possible.
I hope to hear from you soon and please my darling do take good care of yourself
Love from me
Licia
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Author note: I can't wait to see what happens next...