Thursday, July 30, 2009

Licia and Captain Awesome are in LOVE!!!

This story was the 2nd with Captain Awesome, a professional video game player. I introduced "Captain Awesome" in another story with a scammer named Grace. Unfortunately, she left me prematurely and I never felt that my character got to really develop. My goal was to have a guy who still lives with his parents and has very few interpersonal skills. He really wants a girlfriend, but tends to smother her with his announcements of love and affection. If you read the post with Captain Awesome and Grace, you will immediately find that the first couple of messages to Licia are almost identical, but stick with it because it becomes its own story very shortly.

As far as the scam goes, this particular one starts out differently because the scammer is a young female who is trapped in a refugee camp and needs a strong, honest man to save her. She wants to ensure the man believes her plight and her love for him before she announces the millions of dollars stuck in the bank.

This story was a lot of fun because midway through, the "lawyer" insulted me and I decided to insult him in retaliation, but doing so while pretending to be the victim. What was even better was that I found a website that automatically generates insulting names which I used liberally within my correspondence with Licia and the "lawyer". I also enjoyed including the footnote that "Captain Awesome" is a soon-to-be trademarked name for Dick Stillhard in all of my messages.

Characters
Scammer: Licia Awaza
Lawyer: Oveh Ifekh
Banker: Mr. Slater
Me: Dick Stillhard (aka: Captain Awesome)

Here's our story...
____________________

From: licia awaza
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:09:58 AM
Subject: Hello Dear,

Happy is the day and bright is the voice of yours Miss Licia,How is life arround you together with your curiculum affairs,Hope there is no cause for alarm in any corner arround you.If so may GOD name be praise for his infinite mercy unto us Amen.
With felicitation to write and communicate with you in this few lines of mine.My name is miss Licia Awaza i just browing right now in the internet and i found your profile at and iwas much feeling over it,Please my dear i will like us to hold a good long time relationship with real love.I'm happy to look at your profile today,you sound so gentle to me that was the reason why i fall very much interested in you.
For more introduction and my pictures will be send to you by next mail,so we can know more about each other, my dear,age or colour even distance can't deny any genuine love,so please lets give our self a trial,thanks till i hear from you soon.
please contact me with this my email:...
Yours in love,Licia Awaza.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: licia awaza
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 1:03:14 PM
Subject: Re: Hello Dear,

Dear Lickia,

Thank you so much for the sweet message. You were correct. I checked around the corner and there was nothing there.

I am surprised at how easily you found me. It is truly fate because I just broke up with my girlfriend three days ago and was looking to find someone to fill my heart with happiness and joy.

Now, I have you!

Please send me your picture. I would love to put a face to the name.

Sincerely,

Dick
____________________

Author note: In the following message, Licia did send me a picture of herself. Isn't she beautiful?
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 10:37:27 AM
Subject: HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU,

Hello my Dear,
I am more than happy in your reply to my email.. How was your day? Mine is quiet over here in Dakar Senegal.
My name is Licia Awaza, I 'm 24, from Liberia in Africa. i am 5.10ft tall, Fair in complexion,(never married before )and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country.
My late father Dr Richard Awaza was the managing director of Awazaz and Associates (Ltd) and he was a special adviser to our former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood.
It was only me that is alive now and I managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal where i am living now in a refugee camp,and this computer is belonging to a reverend that has a church here in the camp.
I will like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail.
Attached here is my picture. Like to see yours.
Hoping to hear from you soon
Miss Licia
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Wednesday, July 1, 2009 4:44:34 PM
Subject: Re: HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU,

Licia,

Wow, you are VERY pretty!! You have no idea how happy I am that you have found me. I still cannot figure out how you did, but I will just chalk that up to fate.

I'm sorry to hear about your family and the fact that you are living in a refugee camp. That must be tough. Tell the Reverend Father that you are going to be using his computer A LOT!!! I want to write to you ALL OF THE TIME!!!

You wanted to know about me, so here goes...

My name is Dick, but my friends call me Captain Awesome!! I'm 31 years old and I live with my Mom and Dad (I'm saving up to rent my own place). I'm a PROFESSIONAL VIDEO GAME GAMER!!! Yeah Baby!!!

I got my name about 19 years ago because I was KILLING everyone's high score on Galaga at the local bowling alley. People from all around used to come to the 'Bowl-topia' bowling alley every Friday night to watch me ELIMINATE the competition!!! I would pull up in my Lime Green Pinto (I call it 'Captain Awesome's Conveyance of DEATH') and people would say "Here comes Captain Awesome!".

Nice.

Now, I go to local malls and play video games for money. Just last week, I went to the 'Center Street Mall' to "battle" the competition at Madden '09. I won 2nd place and got $2,500. Not bad huh?!?

My current game is 'Street Fighter IV', but I have some competition! Her name is Aretha! She's the only person who has EVER beat me! She always plays Zangief! Her 'Double Lariat, Focus Attack Dash Cancel' is UNBELIEVABLE! Oh, he's a slow character, but she can handle him like a professional. I try to use Gouken's character because he has the best 'Crouching and Standing Hard Punches' in the game!! But, she still beats me like a 4 year old in a K-Mart!! So, I practice about 14 hours a day.

Anyway, my likes are the following:

1. Hot Pockets
2. Red Bull (it gives me WINGS)
3. Video Games
4. Big Gulp's
5. Ice Cream
6. Pizza
7. Bean bag chairs

My dislikes are:

1. Exercise
2. Sweating
3. Jobs

I have only known you for a short time, but I can tell that God has brought you to me and I LOVE YOU!!!

Please write back soon,

Dick (aka Captain Awesome!(c))
Professional Video Game Gamer
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

____________________

Author note: She sent me another picture. I can tell she loves me. It's quite obvious. She also loves me enough to tell me her "secret".
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 3:42:42 PM
Subject: MORE ABOUT ME WITH LOVE AND TRUST,

Hello my dear,
How is your day? I believe is fine. Mine here is fine and like you know i am living in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal. In this camp we are only allowed to go out only on Mondays and Fridays of the weeks, It's just like one staying in the prison and i hope by God's grace i will come out from here soon. I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to as all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war.
The only person i have now is Rev. Bernard Timothe who is the pastor of the ( Living Water christian church) here in the camp, he has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i live in the females hostel because the camp has two hostels one for men the other for women.
The Pastor's Tel number is ( +221 77 1036102 ) if you call, please tell him that you want to speak with me so that he will send for me in the hostel. Call 12 noon GMT, i will be in the Reverend's office by that time tomorrow please,
As a refugee here i don't have any right or privileged to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country. I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to the death of my parents took place.

Please listen to this, i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you later because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in Europe which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is $6.5M (six Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars). So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you.
I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me.
So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember i am giving you all this information due-to the trust i deposed on you, I like honest and understanding people, a man of vision, truthful and hardworking. My favorite language is English. Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said i have a lot to tell you. Call me 12 noon my time tomorrow, i will be in the Reverend's office that time.
Have a nice day and think about me.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest
Yours Forever in mind,
Licia.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Thursday, July 2, 2009 8:25:08 PM
Subject: Re: MORE ABOUT ME WITH LOVE AND TRUST,

Hello Honey-Baby,

Now that you are my "Official girlfriend", I want you to know that I will do ANYTHING for you!! I'll be your Master Chief of the United Nations Space Command (UNSC) from Halo. I'll be your Space Marine fighting the onslaught of demons from Doom, Doom II, The Ultimate Doom, and Final Doom (I rocked at these games).

I Love You Licia-Jane!!!

I just can't believe you have $6.5 Million Dollars! My Mom and Dad are still living and they still have to take out a loan for a used Kia Rio. My Mom and Dad manage my money. It's a real pain, but I was spending my money on new games and game systems. They just don't understand that the life of a GAMER requires the best systems out there...and Hot Pockets!! They said they got tired of having to pay for my gas and stuff. Oh well.

I have NEVER Loved anyone like you Licia-face!!!!

I really want to talk to you. I'm sure you have one of those "hot" voices like Maria Bamford or Yeardly Smith. Their voices are HOT HOT HOT! But, there's a problem. I'm going to the Twin Pines Mall for a HUGE, Kung Fu Panda/XBOX 360 competition! First prize gets $2,500 and a 1-year gift card for 'Wrestle the Pretzel' pretzels!!! I frickin' LOVE those pretzels!! I heard there are about 250 people entered, but I know all of the competition in the area and they don't stand a chance against "CAPTAIN AWESOME"!!!

I'll be back late Sunday night, but I'll try to get on a machine at Best Buy and write you a quick note telling you how much I LOVE YOU!!!

Just remember that your CAPTAIN AWESOME Loves You Licia-Bluejeans!!! Keep sending me your photos!!!

Love,

Your Captain Awesome*
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* Captain Awesome is a soon-to-be registered trademark for Dick S. Stillhard.
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 4, 2009 3:38:46 PM
Subject: Please contact the bank for the transfer

Hello My dearest,
How are you today?. I believe that you are doing well. As for me am fine here with all hopes to meet with you immediately after the transfer of my money to your position for a better life. God will bless and reward you and your family for every effort you are about to make to see me out from this horrible prison called refugee camp where i am living today as a result of the untimely death of my parents(may their gentle souls rest in peace).

I appreciate your interest to assist me in transferring my money deposited by my late father at CLYDESDALE BANK PLC of which my name appears as the next of kin.
Like i told you in my first mail my father was the personal adviser of the former head of state of my country before he was killed by rebels when they took over the government which put me in this situation i am today.

After the death of my parents i managed to make my way to Senegal where the United Nations have their refugee camp in West Africa. This place is like a prison and i thank God for the life of the pastor of this church located in this camp where i send and receive emails. And I have 100% trust and confidence in you and I am rest assured that you will surely help me out from this terrible place called refugee camp.
Here is the contact information of the bank in Scotland where the money was deposited by my late father,
CLYDESDALE BANK PLC
30 St Vincent Place
Glasgow, G1 2HL
SCOTLAND
Email addresses:(info@clydesdalb.com)
NAME OF THE TRANSFER OFFICER IS MR GAVIN SLATER.
TELEPHONE NO: +44 70-3190-3203
FAX NUMBER : +44 870-120-6611

Already I have informed this bank about my intention to claim my late father's deposit of which my name appears as the next of kin.
The only thing the bank told me is to look for a foreign partner who will assist me in the transfer due to my refugee status here in Senegal, as a refugee i am not allowed direct claim of the money but through an appointed representative as the united refugee law governing refugee all over the world states.
Based on this information I will like you to send an email to the transfer department of the bank with this email address (info@clydesdalb.com) Attention to Mr. Gavin Slater the foreign transfer officer of the bank telling him that you are my representative and that you want to assist me transfer my 6.5 million dollars deposited by my late father of which i am the next of kin and I have equally forwarded your contact details to them so that they will recognize you when you contact them.
THE ACCOUNT INFORMATION ARE AS FOLLOWS.
ACCOUNT NAME : DR RICHARD AWAZA
AMOUNT : 6.5 MILLION DOLLARS.
NEXT OF KIN : MISS LICIA AWAZA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 431111
God bless you as I wait for your call.
From me Licia


____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Sunday, July 5, 2009 7:31:16 PM
Subject: I am VICTORIOUS!!!

Dearest Licia-Lou,

I had to pay the BestBuy guy $5 to do this, but I couldn't wait to tell you how much I LOVE you.

Your "Captain Awesome" was frickin' AWESOME and utterly VICTORIOUS!!! I completely SMASHED the competition!!! The last kid was practically in tears. I used my "Panda Stumble" and "Panda Quake" maneuvers with precision! He didn't stand a chance!

I LOVE YOU!!!

He was sitting next to me when I said "Hey, did you see the bus outside?" He said "What bus?" So, I said "The bus that takes you home after you get SCHOOLED by ME!!!" Man, I laughed and laughed.

So, your man has just won $2,500 AND my 1-year gift card for 'Wrestle the Pretzel' pretzels!!

I can't wait to hear from you. I have missed you so much and cannot wait to read another beautiful message from you.

I Love You more than my copy of Original Halo with the holographic image on the box!

Write me,

Dick (Captain Awesome)
____________________

Author note: I'm not sure what's going on at that refugee camp, but the conditions are deteriorating FAST. It's so bad, she forgot her name was Licia. She signed her message Amy!
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 9:51:44 AM
Subject: I NEED YOUR HELP OK,

Sweetheart,
Am glad to read from you today again,how are you,hope all is well with you over there,well as for me over here as i told you in my last mail that my condition is very bad please you have to help me to come out of this place called refugee camp to be with you in your country and to futher more my education.
Sweetheart i will like to know if you are willing to help me transfer my late fathers money to your account,if yes please do write back immidiately so that i can tell you what next to do for the transfer to be done ok,am waiting forward to read from you soonest.
Yours love Amy.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 4:09:29 PM
Subject: Re: I NEED YOUR HELP OK,

Dearest Lickie,

I'm so happy to hear from you. I'm sorry that you are not having a good day. I've got to be painfully honest...I've missed you SO much!!! I haven't missed anyone this much since I got the 'Red Ring of Death' on my Xbox 360 and I couldn't see Marcus Fenix in 'Gears of War' for 3 weeks while it was being repaired! Not being able to write to you hurt just as bad!

My heart beats only for you Licki-Songbird!!!

Please relax my love - of course I WILL help you!! You can count on me. I am "officially" working for you my sweetheart-lovergirl-dreamboat! As far as I'm concerned we have officially forged an alliance. It's just like the alliance I created in 'World of Warcraft'. I had to go to Dun Niffelem and ask King Jokkum to allow Thorim's armor to be reforged. After completing Jokkum's task, I had to speak with Njormeld in Dun Niffelem. I'm sure you see that our relationship is practically the same thing!

I'm sorry if I seemed distant over the weekend. Like I said before, I was at the Twin Pines Mall for the Kung Fu Panda/XBOX 360 competition - which I won!!! I have $2,450 in MY pocket (I spent $50 at Applebee's after the competition). Competing against a bunch of posers really makes me hungry!

I LOVE YOU Lickia-Niffler!!!

I've told my Mom and Dad that I have a new girlfriend (you) who means everything to me. They're really happy to hear about you. Of course they don't understand your current situation and how I MUST help you to come to the United States, but don't worry though. I'm going to contact the bank today and get everything rolling.

Please send me another picture of yourself. I've used a copy of Photoshop to make a poster of your last picture. I look at it all of the time.

You are EVERYTHING to me!!!

Please write again and tell me how much I mean to you.

Love,

Your Captain Awesome*
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com


* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Now, I have to contact the bank. I try to start these fairly straight-laced just so I don't raise any red flags.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: info@clydesdalb.com
Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 4:10:50 PM
Subject: I am helping Licia Awaza...

Dear Mr. Slater,

My name is Dick Stillhard, but you can call me 'Captain Awesome'. I am a close, personal friend of Ms. Licia Awaza. She has informed me that she has informed you that I would be contacting you.

I would like to assist Licia in transferring her $6,500,000.00 dollars from her late father to my personal bank account. Please be aware that I am not keeping this money. I am simply going to hold it for her. Below is the account information I have received from Ms. Awaza (my girlfriend).

Account Name: Dr. Richard Awaza
Amount: $6,500,000
Next of Kin: Miss Licia Awaza
Account number: 431111

Please feel free to contact me with any information I need so that this money transfer can be completed as quickly as possible. I'm afraid that Ms. Awaza's living conditions are very bad and she needs to move soon. It's all very complicated.

Sincerely,

Dick (aka Captain Awesome)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

Author note: I couldn't figure this one out. Licia tells me that the person I need to contact is Mr. Slater, but someone named Paulina Walters responds. It must be a very large bank.
____________________

From: Clydesdale Plc
To: "dicksstillhard@yahoo.com"
Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 9:54:25 AM
Subject: ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT

CBCLYDESDALE BANK PLC
30 St. Vincent place,
Glasgow,G1 2HL, Scotland
Email: info@clydesdalb.com

For Your Attention Sir,

I have been directed by the director of Foreign Operation/Wire Transfer to write you in respect to your mail inquiry.

Actually we have earlier been informed about you by the young lady (Miss. Licia Awaza)that she wishes you to be her trustee/representative for the claim of her late father's deposit with this bank.

Late Dr. Richard Awaza is our late customer with substantial amount (US$6,500,000.00) of deposit with us. Hence you have been really appointed as a trustee to represent the next of Kin.

However before our bank will transact any business concerning the transfer of the fund with you, we want you to send the following for the verification of your claims:

1.A power of attorney permitting you to claim and transfer the funds to your bank account on Miss Licia Awaza's behalf. This document must be endorsed and prepared by a Senegalese resident lawyer on which the next of kin will sign and thumb print.

2.The death certificate of late Dr. Richard Awaza (Her deceased father)confirming his death.

3.A copy of the last statement of account issued to Dr Richard Awaza by our bank.

Note that the above are compulsory, and are needed to protect our interest, yours, the next of kin during and after the claims.
These shall also ensure that a smooth, quick and successful transfer of the fund is made within 48 hours from when we receive the above mentioned documents.

We promise to give our customers the best of our services. Should you have any question(s), please contact our foreign operations director-Mr.Gavin Slater on his office telephone number 00 44 70 3190 3203 or email (gavinslater@clydesdalb.com) for more directives/clarifications .

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs.Paulina Walters
(For Accounts Dept)


Clydesdale Plc email Disclaimer and confidentiality note.
This e-mail, its attachments and any rights attaching hereto are, unless the content clearly indicates otherwise, the property of Clydesdale PLC and its subsidiaries. It is confidential, private and intended for only the addressee.
Should you not be the addressee and receive this e-mail by mistake, kindly notify the sender, and delete this e-mail immediately.
Do not disclose or use it in any way. Views and opinions expressed in this e-mail are those of the sender unless clearly stated as those of Clydesdale Plc
Clydesdale Plc does not warrant the integrity of this e-mail nor is that it free of viruses, interception or interference.
Licensed divisions of the Clydesdale Plc are authorized financial services providers in terms of the Financial Advisory and Intermediary Services Act, No 37 of 2002 (FAIS).

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Tuesday, July 7, 2009 6:03:03 PM
Subject: I need YOUR help now!!!

Hey Honey-Baby-Sweetheart,

It's "Captain Awesome" checking in with you. I've missed you so much today. I've been training for my next competition. I have to spend 6 to 8 hours a day "training". Saturday morning I have to drive ALL THE WAY to the Riverside Mall for another Kung Fu Panda/Xbox 360 competition. There's going to be over 500 people entered in this one and the grand prize is...wait for it...$5,000 and a $250 gift card for Applebee's!!! Is that flippin' sweet or what?!?

I Love You!!!

Oh, before I forget, I was contacted by Paulina Walters at the Clydesdale Bank. Please don't get too jealous because I'm talking to another woman - she's strictly a business relationship and means nothing to me. Although, I can tell she kind-of "digs" me. Anyway, she needs me to get a bunch of legals stuff for her so that the money can be transferred to my bank account.

Can you give "Captain Awesome" the following stuff?
A power of attorney permitting me to claim and transfer the funds to my bank account on your behalf. She said that the document must be endorsed and prepared by a Senegalese resident lawyer, and that you'll have to sign it and put a thumb print on it.
The death certificate for your dad.
A copy of the last statement of the bank account.
I don't know how you are going to get this legal stuff since your refugee camp is like a prison, but hopefully you will get it.

Please write me another letter so that I know that you are OK. Please tell me what you like most about "Captain Awesome"!

I love you even more than when I started typing this message to you!

With all of my heart and veins,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 1:42:16 PM
Subject: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Hello My Dearest love,
It's lovely writing to you again today. How are you?.I so much believe that you are doing well. I thank you so much for all your concern and care. I appreciate the way you are handling this transfer of my money to your position pending my arrival to meet with you to start a new life. God will bless and reward you for taking good care of an orphan and i will equally pay you back your kind gesture.
I can see what the bank is demanding before they will transfer my money to your position.The only problem we have now is the power of attorney which the bank said that it will be issued by a lawyer here in Senegal for me to sign my signature on it.
After going through the bank mail i discussed it with the Reverend and he gave me the contact of this lawyer Barrister Oveh Ifekh.
He is one of the lawyers working with the United Nations here in Dakar Senegal.Presently i have my late father death certificate and statement of account with me here which i have given to the lawyer to send to you when you contact him.
I want you to contact him on both phone and e-mail telling him that you are my foreign partner that you need his services to prepare a power of attorney that will enable you transfer my 6.5 million dollars from Clydesdale Bank Plc, Scotland to your account on my behalf due to my refugee status. His contact information are as follows,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh
E maill address: Oveh@lawyer..com
Office telephone number +221776087031 I want you to email and call him immediately and discuss with him.
God bless you so much for your love and care
Love from me
Yours Licia

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 4:50:53 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dearest Licka,

Thank you for the message. I appreciate you helping me help you

But, Captain Awesome is a little concerned about calling your lawyer. My Mom and Dad will totally FREAK OUT if I make an International call! I mean, their heads will come off of their shoulders and flames will come out of their necks. You should have seen them when Microsoft called them to tell them about all of the calls I made. They threatened to take away my Xbox, PS3, PS2, Wii, and DS!

I Love You Licka-Jean-Fancy Pants!!!

By the way, I don't want to sound needy, but you haven't professed your love for me in quite a while! Are you seeing someone else? I hope not.

Oh, I wanted to let you know that I'm going away for a HUGE Xbox 360 competition. I'll be gone all week. I'll try to contact you during the competition, but it's going to be pretty crazy.

I will always love you!

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Right about here, my entire family went on vacation. This was a very touchy time because I was having a lot of fun, and didn't want this scammer to abandon me because I couldn't communicate for a week. We left on the 11th and came back the 16th. This was also the time for me to contact the "Barrister". I always love how this highly intelligent person's grammer and spelling literally tank after the first message or two. Let's watch shall we?
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh@lawyer.com
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 8:19:36 PM
Subject: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

Dear Barrister Ifekh,

My name is Dick. I am a foreign partner to Ms. Licia Awanza. I am writing to you because I need you help to prepare a power of attorney that will enable me to transfer $6.5 million dollars from Clydesdale Bank Plc, Scotland to my bank account.

It appears that her refugee status seriously constrains her hands and she is unable to gather this money herself.

Ms. Awanza has been kind enough to give me your information.

I must make you aware that I am leaving tomorrow to go to a HUGE Xbox 360 competition that is out of state. It is a weeklong competition and I will not return until the 19th of July.

Please send me any and all information and I'll address the details when I return victorious in my quest of SUPREME XBOX GAMESMAN CHAMPION-DUDE!!!

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 11, 2009 4:13:02 AM
Subject: Re: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

SIR,

SEQUEL TO YOUR REQUEST TO MY NOBLE LAW CHAMBERS ON HOW TO PREPARE A POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER.

MY NOBLE LAW FIRM WISH TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT BEFORE WE CAN PROCEED WITH THIS SERVICES WE WILL WANT YOU TO FORWARD AND CONFIRM TO THIS LAW FIRM IMMEDIATELY YOUR FULL CONTACT DETAILS(YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS AS WELL AS TELEPHONE NUMBERS AS YOU WANT IT TO APPEAR ON THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.)

SO THAT FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING, I WILL GO TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT HERE TO ASCERTAIN THE COST OF THE AUTHENTICATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY BEFORE IT BECOMES VALID.
AFTER WHICH MY LAW FIRM WILL CONTACT YOU BACK WITH THE REQUIREMENTS BEFORE ACCEPTING TO RENDER THE REQUIRED LEGAL SERVICES.

YOURS IN SERVICE,

BARRISTER. OVEH IFEKH (ESQ)
PRINCIPAL PARTNER

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 5:08:27 AM
Subject: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Sweetheart,
Am glad to read from you today again,how are you,hope all is well with you over there,well as for me over here,am not ok my love,my condition here is very bad and please you have to be fast to get me out of this place to be with you in your country and to further more my education.
Sweetheart please really want to meet you,so please why not write the layer with the email i gave you ok,my situations here are bad ok,so please do contact him ok,and please as soon as he respons to you please forward to me his respons to me ok,here is his contact ...
Barrister Oveh Ifekh
E maill address: Oveh@lawyer.com
Office telephone number +221776087031 I want you to email and call him immediately and discuss with him,am waiting forward to read from you soonest.
Yours Licia.


____________________

Author note: My poor girlfriend is practically dying in that refugee camp. Unfortunately, I had no idea because I was having a GREAT time vacationing with my family.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Friday, July 17, 2009 12:59:27 PM
Subject: Re: Licia Awanza Bank Transfer...

Dear Mr. Ifkey,

Thank you for the message. I'm sorry for the delay, but I was competing in a HUGE Xbox360/Kung Fu Panda competition.

Here's the information you requested:

Name: Mr. Dick S. Stillhard
Address: P.O. Box 2934787, Seattle, WA 98101
Phone Number: 206-339-7676

Please keep me informed of any further information you need from me. My wish is that this transaction can be completed as quickly as possible for my new girlfriend.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 17, 2009 1:06:05 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dearest Lickia-Smackypants,

I'm so sorry to hear about your current condition. I promise that I will never leave you again (unless, the new Halo competition at the Burlingsmack Mall takes place next month - first prize is $10,000 - yeah baby!!).

I came home early from the Xbox360/Kung Fu Panda competition. I think you remember that first prize was $5,000 and a 1-year gift card for Applebee's. To make a long story short...I TOTALLY WON BABY!!! One of the competitors had a really cool way of holding the controller (I may try it at home), but his reflexes were too slow and he didn't watch his Chi meter closely enough. The other guy (who got a distant 2nd place) wasn't able to get a Hit Chain over 7!!!

Can you believe that!?! Heck, I can do a Hit Chain of 27 with my eyes closed!!!

I Love You more today than yesterday!!

Oh, I contacted the lawyer and sent him the information he needed from me. He should have all of the paperwork ready by early next week. I think you can start packing your bags "honey-baby" because when the money gets transferred, you will be flying to my waiting arms!!

I LOVE YOU Lickia-Pinto!!! I love you more than buffalo chicken tenders!

Write me again using your beautiful fingers and hands. I live for your messages of love and warmth.

Signing out,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

Author note: Accompanying the message from the "lawyer" were some documents he prepared for me...including his passport. Very nice.

Click to see the Death Certificate
Click to see the Passport
Click to see the Statement of Account
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 4:08:52 AM
Subject: INFORMATION

Dear Sir,

Sequel to your email, i am replying you with the requirements for the said power of attorney..
Your partner Miss Awaza was in my office with the Reverend Father to discuss about the issuing to you an authorization letter that will enable you stand on her behalf to claim her late father's fund.
Prior to my inquiries from the bank and high court, I understood from the bank that there are three documents required by them before the transfer of the money to you.
1.A copy of Death certificate of Dr Richard Awaza
2.A copy of His Statement of account.(which are available)
It is now remaining one document.Which is power of attorney which will enable the Bank to deal with you on behalf of your partner.
From my inquiries, it will cost the sum of 780 dollars for authentication of the power of attorney at the high court before it becomes valid and 100 dollars for notary stamping at the notary public. My legal processing fee of 100 dollars total (US$980)

To speedy the process you are to send these money to me through western union money transfer system.(which is the fastest way of sending money to enable my noble office prepare and validate the power of attorney here in the high court and notary public respectively. You are to send the 980 dollars with my name.

Barrister Oveh Ifekh
26 Rue 22 Medina, Dakar, Senegal.

Send or call me for the information as soon as you send the money to enable me to collect the money from western union local office here.
Attached here is a copy of my international passport so that you can know more about the person you are dealing with.

Yours sincerely in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh..(ESQ)
(Principal Partner).
No 26 Rue 22 Medina Dakar,Senegal.
TEL +221 77 6087031
(oveh@lawyer.com)

____________________

Author note: I decided to give the "lawyer" a hard time about his legal fees. I included some questions that I hope he will address.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 12:38:47 PM
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

Dear Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

Thanks for the update. I'm sure your help will help me and help my new girlfriend. But, I don't understand what this "Power of Attorney" does. Why do we need it and why does it cost $780.00? My other question is about the notary stamping. My Aunt Gertrude is a "notary public" and she only charges $10.00 to stamp a piece of paper. Why does it cost $100.00 there?

My other problem is that I don't have any Western Union close enough for me to ride my bike to. I asked a person at my bank about transferring money and they do it, but they use Moneygram. Will that work?

Please let me know as soon as possible because I have a new Xbox360 competition that I have to train for. It's a Madden '09 competition and my defensive skills are not up to snuff so I need to put in some SERIOUS time in the next couple of days. My Mom is keeping me fueled with an endless supply of Hot Pockets and Purple Fierce Gatoraid (I find that these foods fuel me the best and help allow my fingers to glide on the controller).

Thanks for your help and understanding. The next time you see Lickia, please tell her that I "LOVE" her with all of my guts and stuff.

Thanks,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 12:59:09 PM
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

Dear Sir,

I received your email. Go ahead and send the 980 dollars through Moneygram and give me the money transfer information by email
.
Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh


____________________

Author note: When I received his last message, I got a little upset because he clearly didn't read any of my questions. If he had, he completely ignored them, which also upsets me. I decided to ask him to please take more time reading my messages. I also chose to tattle on him to my girlfriend.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 5:02:40 PM
Subject: Please read all of my messages

Dear Mr. Barrister Ifekch,

I'm happy that you read part of my message, but apparently you didn't read all of it.

I still have questions about some of your charges. I will state them again so there can be no confusion (that's what my Mom and Dad say).

1. I don't understand what this "Power of Attorney" does. Why do we need it and why does it cost $780.00?
2. Why does it cost $100.00 there? My Aunt Gertrude is a "notary public" and she only charges $10.00 to stamp a piece of paper.
Please pay attention to all of my messages from now on. I hate repeating myself. I shouldn't have to do that with a "Barrister". You know?

Thanks,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Saturday, July 18, 2009 5:14:13 PM
Subject: Re: SWEETHEART DO PLEASE CONTACT THIS LAWYER IMMIDIATELY FOR THE PREPARATION OF THE POWER OF ATTORNEY,

Dear Licka,

I'm working with your lawyer now, but he doesn't read all of my messages like you do. Are you sure he's qualified to help us?

I mean, I'm a little hyperactive myself, but I read everything you write because you are my new girlfriend and I want to hug you and squeeze you and run my fingers through your hair and teach you how to play Halo on Xbox360. I know that we are meant to be together because I can sense the love you have for me in your messages.

I love you Lickia-Twizzler-breath!!!

You are my Maria Latore and I'm your Claude in Grand Theft Auto 3!!! I love you because you save Claude from a death trap set up by Salvatore. You are as beautiful as Regina in Fable 2 (she's a character a friend made who looks just like you).

So, you see, we are made for each other. I've already started cleaning out one side of my closet for your stuff. I've even thrown out a lot of my t-shirts from my old Xbox games. I mean, who wants an old Elder Scrolls: Morrowind t-shirt (this was the Game of the Year though).

Please write me again. Please tell me how much you want to be my girlfriend.

I love you more and more and more and more each day.

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 2:08:48 PM
Subject: love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. It is not long we finished the Sunday church service and i decided to come and check my email. i am so happy that you wrote me an email. i am always very happy reading from you and know that you did very fine and won the competition. i am so happy for you.
Thank you so much for being there for me. God will bless you so much for your good heart and love towards me. i prayed very well today for God to help us to meet very soon for a good and nice relationship. i love and cherish you so much with all my heart.
Please try and cooperate with the lawyer to get the power of attorney from him being the only thing that is stopping the bank of my late father from transferring the 6.5 million dollars of my late father to you and you helping me to leave here and join you for a good life.
The lawyer is a very reputable and qualified lawyer in this country. Please try and send him the money he asked of so that he will make the power of attorney for us. please try all to help me and i promise to give you 30% of the 6.5 million dollars to you for your help as soon as the money gets to your account and you will still be the one to invest and management the rest of the money for me as i will like to go back to school as soon as i join you.
I hope to hear from you soon and please do take good care of yourself.
Love from me
Your Licia

____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 4:03:19 AM
Subject: Re: Please read all of my messages

I think you are one arrogant young man. If you do not know your manners or how to handle official matter, please go and learn. I have told you the document validation requirements, if you need my services then you have to comply.
____________________

Author note: Oh NO he didn't!! Did he just call me arrogant!?! He did!! Well, the gloves are off people!! It's time for some verbal smackdown!

I LOVE this part!!
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 8:56:20 PM
Subject: Re: Please read all of my messages

Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

How dare you call me arrogant!!! It is YOU who did not read my entire message!!

As a matter of fact, you STILL have NOT answered my questions. I believe these questions to be valid and important. The fact that you HAVE NOT answered them only tells me that YOU have something to hide, or you have no valid answer for them.

If you believe that I am arrogant, then I believe you are UNPROFESSIONAL!!! How do you like that!?! If you expect me to pay YOU $980.00, then I expect you to answer my questions so that I feel comfortable paying it. I can tell you that right now, I find YOU to be an arrogant old fart!! As a matter of fact, you remind me of my Uncle Bob. He's an overweight, smelly, "old fart" who constantly tries to make people feel bad so he can have his way.

Well, I am used to his tactics and temper tantrums, so you cannot bother me with yours.

I am willing to pay the $980.00 because I LOVE my girlfriend Licka. But, I will NOT pay it until you answer my questions!!! And, I'm going to tell her that!!! I'm going to tell her that you are like my fat, smelly Uncle Bob!!!

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: I think I should include Licia. I feel the need to tell her how much I don't like her lawyer.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 9:09:11 PM
Subject: Re: love from me

Dearest Licia,

I am not happy with your choice of Barrister! He called me "arrogant" because I want him to answer some questions for me. I'm afraid that I got angry and called him an "old fart". I can't believe how he reminds me of Jimmy Walkins from the game Bully: Scholarship Edition. I can't believe he called ME names!! Can you!?!

I really want to help you Licka, but I think he's trying to sabotage the entire thing. He won't answer my questions and then he acts like a big, fat stinker!! What am I going to do? I don't like to call people names. I know it's hurtful, but he started it!!

I want so badly to call him a big farty-pants!! Or a slack-heeled spunkmuncher!! Or a potty-nosed cheesepoacher!! Or a foul-witted vomithandler!! Or a rubber-limbed hoseflosser!! But, I won't, because I'm too nice of a guy.

I LOVE YOU Licka-Hot Tamales!!!

I have the $980.00 for the legal fees, but my feelings are hurted and I just want to sit in my "Monsta Gamer Extreme Chair" and eat Hot Pockets and Twizzlers until I puke!!

Please tell me you still love me.

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2009 3:49:10 PM
Subject: love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. Thank you so much for your email. How do you want me to tell you that i still love you when you are hurting my heart. You said you have the 980 dollars but you wont send it to the lawyer to make the power of attorney because he provoked you.
That is the most painful thing i am hearing from you. You said you love me and you are doing everything to help me then why are you just reacting to a lawyer whom we need his services to make the document after which we wont need him for anything again.
Please my love, i am getting worried about you choice of words to me because you sometimes dont sound serious because the money of my late father is very big and enough to be serious about.
I hope to hear from you soon and please do take good care of yourself.
love from me
Licia


____________________

Author note: Now, I'm going to take the "high" road. Well, not really, but it sounds good.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 1:23:43 PM
Subject: You're right

Dearest Licka,

You're right. I should be better than him. I shouldn't let his childishness and his arrogance and his pompousness and his self-importance and his superciliousness and his pretentiousness keep me from helping the woman I love! I should rise above his conceitedness and haughtiness and just do what's right!

Do not fear. I will have you out of that refugee camp and upgrade your status to "free" and "rich"!

Please don't think that I am not taking this transaction serious. I know that your living conditions are serious. I know that your father's money is serious. I know that my upcoming competition is REALLY serious! Remember who your in love with...I'm "Captain Awesome"!!! I'm the man who has defeated over 4,344 competitors in my lifetime. I've destroyed over 35 Xbox 360's simply by using my prodigious skills!!

I love you Licka-Ballpark Frank!!!

Please try to keep your spirits high. Try to look into the sky and feel the warm feeling of freedom. Look at your hands and know that one day (very soon), I'll be holding them as we walk through the mall to purchase the new "Xbox 360 Elite Limited Edition Resident Evil 5 Bundle". This thing is FRICKIN' AWESOME!!!!

I'll send the money to the lawyer today. But, just know that I'm doing this for you and not for him. I still think he's a clown-encrusted nipplepuke!

I love you even more than when I started this message!

Love,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 1:24:37 PM
Subject: I still need your help...

Mr. Barrister Ifekh,

I contacted Licka and she has begged me to send you the money. So, I've decided to rise above your evilness and send it. But, I'm not sending you the full $980.00 you requested! Since my Aunt only charges $10.00 for her notary services, I've reduced the amount to $890.00. I think that's fair considering you didn't answer any of my questions AND called me names!

I can assure you, if we were playing Street Fighter IV on the Xbox 360, I would be "Zangief" and I would put the HURT on you with my Super-Awesome Ultra Combo's!!! You'd really be "schooled" then!!

Anyway, I went to my bank today and they said you need the following stuff to get the money:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $890.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Gerbilpoacher!!
Control Number: 71162465

I really hope that you're a better "barrister" than you are a person, because my girlfriend really needs this money to get out of the refugee camp.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 7:17:19 AM
Subject: Re: I still need your help...

Scan and send the Moneygram transaction paper to me to verified the transfer


____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:15:31 PM
Subject: Nothing to worry about...

Dearest Licka,

I wanted to let you know that I sent the Moneygram information to "Barrister" Ifekh yesterday. I hoped that he would have all of the legal stuff done by now, but he wants me to send him a "scanned" copy of the Moneygram receipt before he believes I sent him the money.

I love you Licka-Hand Lotion!!

I know you said that I shouldn't let him provoke me, but I just don't like him! He's a total "twinkie-breasted hampsterwatcher"! Ever since he started calling me names, everything he does now just makes me mad! I would NEVER call him names!

I've got to go out and buy a scanner today so I can scan the receipt for him. I'll have it sent out later today.

Please stay strong. Just know that I love you and am doing everything in my power to get you out of that retched refugee camp. I cannot wait until we are laughing together as we forget the refugee camp and that total "floppy-chinned meatspanker" Barrister Ifekh! We will be happy and rich and free and wealthy and mirthful and jubilant and prosperous.

With all of my heart,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: I wanted to bust him a little more.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 6:50:30 PM
Subject: Here's the receipt...

Dear Oven,

Oh, so you don't trust me huh? Well, I suppose it only makes sense because we both know you're a "foul-witted dinglespanker"!

I've attached the scanned receipt as you requested. I can only hope that you'll stop your delaying tactics and start working for my girlfriend Licka! She's trapped in a refugee camp while you continue to NOT read my messages and call me names!

I'm including the Moneygram details again because you probably "forgot" to read it the first time:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $890.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Gerbilpoacher!!
Control Number: 71162465

Please let me know when you have the "Power of Attorney" completed.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: Uh oh, there's a problem with the Moneygram information.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 7:40:42 AM
Subject: Re: Here's the receipt...

Dear Sir,

I have gone to the bank and they confirmed that there was a mistake in the destination of your transaction. Go back and tell them to send the money to the country of SENEGAL in WEST AFRICA. According to the bank officers, the money is still in the United States and not yet here in Senegal. Make the corrections and get back to me before the end of work today.

Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh

____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 11:36:49 AM
Subject: I love you always

Hello my dearest love,
How are you today? i hope you are fine. thank you so much for your emails and all the efforts you are making for me. i really love and cherish you so much for all your nice heart towards me.
Thank you for sending the money to the lawyer but i called him on his phone this afternoon and he said that you sent the scanned copy of the money paper to him and he went to the bank but he could not get the money. he said that his bank told him that there was mistake in the sending of the money by your money gram agent. He said that you should go and meet the agent and tell him that you want the money sent to Senegal in Africa so that he will be able to collect it here.
Please my love, thank you for ignoring the altitude of the lawyer towards you. Just try and go to the money gram agent and tell him to correct the transfer so that the lawyer will get it here. The reverend promised to give him the 90 dollars because he wanted to make trouble about it that you did not send the complete money.
I hope to hear from you soon my darling and please try and go and crosscheck the money transfer.
Love from me and a big kiss to you.
Yours Licia

____________________

Author note: Since he never gave me the proper country, I get to blame HIM for the problem. This is a first!
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 4:59:32 PM
Subject: Here's the updated info...

Mr. Oven,

Why didn't you tell me this before I went to the trouble of going to my bank, filling out the form, paying the money, buying a scanner, and send you the form? I think you're just trying to "yank my chain", and I don't like my chain being yanked!

Here's the new information. I had to cancel the original transaction (at a cost of $10.00, which I've deducted from the amount I am transferring to you). You're just lucky that there's a Taco Bell close to my bank. That's the only bright spot I've had so far dealing with you! I just LOVE the new 'Bacon Cheesy Potato Burrito' and the 'Gordita Baja' has that 'wonderfulness something' that brings a smile to my face.

Nothing says love like when your breath smells like taco's and burrito's...and I stunk of LOVE today!!!

Here's the new information:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $880.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Weenernugget!!
Control Number: 71162465

Please complete your part of this transaction as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.

____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Licia Awaza
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 5:14:33 PM
Subject: Re: I love you always

Dearest Licka,

Your messages of love and cherishness always brings a smile to my face. I love you more than by 'Limited Edition of Sonic the Hedgehog 3'. I love you more than the custom Bayonetta Xbox 360 that I'm trying to win from PlatinumGames!!

I love you Licka-Cherry Coke!!

I'll try to be better working with your lawyer, but it is extremely difficult. He never told me to send the money to Senegal, so I used information from one of his earlier messages. Just between you and me, I think he's trying to make me do a lot of work while he does nothing.

Remember to keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!! I'll be waiting for you.

I'll love you forever and forever amen.

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 7:19:31 AM
Subject: Re: Here's the updated info...

I have gone to the bank this morning and they said that the money is still hold up in United States. Go back and withdraw the money and make a fresh transaction and inform them that you want the money received in Senegal in Africa. Instruction them to send the money to senegal. Make a fresh transaction please if you want me to receive the money here.
One more attempt, i will wash my hands off this services because i have already received enough insults from you. I have not been insulted in my life the way you have done.


____________________

Author note: Strike 2! I love how he's getting tired of me insulting him.
____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 8:21:15 PM
Subject: I'll check with my bank...

Mr. Oven,

Are you sure you are asking the right questions at your bank? I can assure you that the money has been sent and everyone at MY bank says that the transfer is extremely simple and quite secure.

I'm afraid that I didn't receive your message until late in the day and my bank is now closed until Monday. I will ask them if there are any problems, but I really can't see that there are.

As for your ultimatum...I don't like threats sir. You may not like me, but this transaction is bigger than the two of us. I'm trying to help a wonderful woman who is trapped in a refugee camp. She is malnourished. She is not clean. She can only brush her teeth 3 times a week. She probably has multiple diseases from parasites and unclean water. She is in a veritable Hell!

I cannot believe that you are upset with me because you refuse to read my messages in their entirety. I'm pretty sure you haven't read this line because you only scan my messages. When I asked you to "please" read all of my messages you had the nerve to call me arrogant.

I can assure you that any insults you "think" you've received from me were caused by your lack of reading skills and Attention Deficit Disorder.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2009 4:20:21 PM
Subject: Love from me

Hello my dearest love,
How are you this Sunday evening? I hope you are fine. I have been trying to use the computer of the reverend since we finished the Sunday church service in the afternoon but i only got the opportunity now.
Thank you so much for your emails. i so much appreciate all your love and care towards me. I appreciate so much that you love the custom Bayonetta Xbox 360 that you are trying to win from PlatinumGames. Because of that i pray that god will help you to win it and also have my love. i love and cherish you so much.
God will bless you for all your efforts to see that i leave this terrible place called refugee camp and join you for a good life.
the lawyer said that he did not still get the money again yesterday and he said that you should go and find out why the problem persist or if possible send through western union money transfer to avoid the complications of the moneygram.
I want to tell you my darling, that i appreciate and cherish you so much and i wish that i could be able to leave here very soon to join you.
I look forward to hearing from you soon and please my darling do take good care of yourself.
Love from me
Licia

____________________

From: Oveh Ifekh
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 1:31:57 PM
Subject: Re: I'll check with my bank...

Dear Sir,

I have received your email and your unpleasant remarks about me. I did not make any threat to you. I only told you that i am fed up of receiving insult from a client who does not appreciate my services.
Anyway, go to your bank as you said and tell them to regulate the transfer so that i can be able to receive it here in Senegal. Tell them to unblock the tranfer as it is the case there.

Yours in service,
Barrister Oveh Ifekh


____________________

From: Dick Stillhard
To: Oveh Ifekh
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 8:37:00 PM
Subject: 3rd times a charm...I hope...

Mr. Oven,

I have reviewed my previous message and fail to see what was unpleasant about it. I was merely stating why I believe you are so irksome towards me. If you are upset because I have once again, pointed out how you do not read my messages thoroughly, then I'm afraid the problem stems with you and your inability to read or your hyperactivity.

Allow me to get to the point of this message. As we both know, I am a highly qualified video game player. You might say that I am THE video game player. I say this because my name is "CAPTAIN AWESOME!!!*". I have competed against the best players in the world! I've played almost every game. I have played every Madden Football ever made. I've played Halo: Combat Evolved, Halo 2, Halo 2: Multiplayer Map Pack, Halo 3, Halo Wars. I have the Halo 3: Legendary Edition with the Highly Collectible Spartan Helmet case. I've even preordered Halo 3: ODST. You are also aware that I recently won the Kung Fu Panda:Xbox 360 competition.

I'm now trying to prepare for the ULTIMATE Resident Evil 5 competition at the Stoney Creek Mall on August 6th. My problem is that I keep finding myself at my bank instead of in front of my console. My Zombie Kill Accuracy Percentage is down 11.5% because of this constant distraction! How do you expect me to win the $850.00 Grand Prize?!?

I've gone to my bank today and they told me that they are experiencing problems with the computer system that connects with the Moneygram main office. I canceled the 2nd transaction and filed a 3rd at a cost of $25.00 (which I am deducting from the new transfer amount). They are "certain" the transfer will reach your destination tomorrow (July 28th).

I have posted this detail at the bottom of my message to (hopefully) get you to read the entire message:

Senders Name: Dick Stillhard
Receivers Name: Oveh Ifekh
Amount Sent: $880.00
Question: What is Mr. Ifekh?
Answer: A Donkeybot!!
Control Number: 67884215

Please, please, please retrieve this money and begin the legal proceedings so my girlfriend doesn't have to spend another day in that awful refugee camp.

Sincerely,

Dick (Captain Awesome*)
dicksstillhard@yahoo.com

* 'Captain Awesome' is a soon-to-be trademark name for Dick Stillhard - all rights reserved.
____________________

Author note: I thought they had given up on me. So much so, I was posting this story here when what do my wondering eyes appear? This just in...
____________________

From: Licia Awaza
To: Dick Stillhard
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 4:58:00 AM
Subject: Love from me

Hello my love,

How are you today? i hope you are fine. I thought i would have gotten an email from you before now. I hope you are fine. How are you preparing for your competition? I wish you all the best of luck. I will win it and we both will celebrate it.
Please my darling, i want you to take a look at the transfer you made to the lawyer. He could not still get it.I am sorry that this is causing you a lot of distraction but remember that you are doing it for me your love. I promise that i will forever love and cherish you and compensate you very greatly.
Please go and withdraw that money and send it to the lawyer through western union money transfer. he is saying maybe the money gram is blocking the transfer and they dont want to tell you why. Please do it for me as soon as possible.
I hope to hear from you soon and please my darling do take good care of yourself
Love from me
Licia

____________________

Author note: I can't wait to see what happens next...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Lorin and Tess Sitting in a Tree...

This is a story of love and the pursuit of eternal happiness. It begins with a lonely, celibate man who has decided that the best way to find a mate is to blanket the internet with countless e-mail messages. I thought this was going to be one of the find-someone-to-love and then beg for help scams, but this joker never brought up money. I guess he's just a pervert.

I wanted Tess to be somewhat neurotic just to test this man’s level of commitment. I have to give him some “snaps” because he put up with a LOT!!

When I listened to his voicemail, I could tell he's not a native American. I think he might have figured that I was his perfect mate. Who knows.

Anyway, it was fun.

Characters:
Scammer (pervert): Loren M. Paige
Me: Ms. Tess Steckle

Here's our story...
___________________________

From: Loren Paige
Sent: Sunday, June 28, 2009 11:35:51 PM
Subject: I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?
Hi Dear,

I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?

My Name is Loren Paige; Im a US Citizen and a Single Dad.
I lost my wife during child delivery 18 years ago, since then Ive been single.

More so Im an Art cum Artifact collector without jurisdiction to my collection.

Love has just been a dream to me, but I still believe that love could be sweet at old age do you think so too?

Your expression and profile was some worth attractive in a website I jumped into last night and I cant wait to have a feel of your world, the original you because Im a realist to the core.

Can we get talking and to a very large extent get closer till we see a beautiful tomorrow?

Truly I cant wait to enjoy my age with true love if it ever comes my way and if you will let nature do her job?

We can do a lot together and that is the essence of life.

Respectfully

Loren Paige
CEO Paige Galleries.

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Monday, June 29, 2009 8:57 PM
To: 'Loren Paige'
Subject: Re: I saw your write up on a guestbook, can we be friends?

Dearest Loren,

I cannot tell you how happy your message has made me! It has brightened my day more than a thousand Sun's.

You poor man. I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your wife. It must have been tragic for you. Oh, how you must have suffered all of these years! I cannot imagine the strength you must have to continue to go on living for so long...alone. The very thought makes me cry for you.

In the short time it has taken me to read your beautiful message, I can already sense that we have a LOT in common. You're a US citizen, and I'm a US citizen. You're single, and I'm single. You're an art collector, and I like art. I especially love black velvet paintings of Elvis Presley. I’m sure you’re a fan too.

I've been looking for my "soulmate" for so long, I had just about given up. It must be fate that has brought us together.

Please write back to me and tell me more about how happy you and I can be.

I will count every minute until your next message!

Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, June 29, 2009 11:45 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: For Tess Steckle from Loren

Tess Steckle,

Hearing from you alone has quenched my taste, you sound like the post of hope that I desire. should I go ahead to call the mystery that brought us together a Devin arrangement?

I am 45 and with a daughter I inherited from my marriage who will be 18 next month. I lost my wife to death some years back; thereafter I assumed celibacy for the sake of my surviving daughter who should be given the best for her growth.

Like I said earlier in my letter, that I’m an Art & Artifact Collector without restrictions; I deal on all kinds of Arts and Artifacts from all over the world. love black velvet paintings of Elvis Presley also

My Childhood was beautiful because I was the only child of a Rich father who makes sure that I and my late mother had all that life has. He was killed by his best and envious friend because of his possessions.

I love Arts; I use my collections to express my feelings, troubles and anticipation. Though my aim is to open a construction company of my own, that was my father’s dream for me before he died and I don’t want to let it die.

My Daughter is a very interesting child and like her father she does a lot of paintings and keeps a Cat and a Dog.

I live in Washington; I think we would get to know each other better if feelings permit.

Let me hear from you and your likes and dislikes.

Hope to here from you soon.

Loren Paige

___________________________

Author note: This guy moves pretty fast! Could it be fate?
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 4:34 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: For Tess,

Tess Steckle,

Mere reading your email brings me to a conclusive chemistry that we are meant for each other.

I can’t hold thinking about you since your reply, every part of me has been anxious of your presence. Soul mates I think, soul mate is the best description of what my heart feels now.

I wish to know you more and a conviction that you are my wife and the Mother of my daughter because she wants to feel the test of motherhood which her birth deprived her.

I’ve searched for love but it’s really rear to come bye.

I’m the best man for you if we get selfless with each other; I’m very free at heart.

Caring and Sharing is my first doctrine of true love.

I’ve made up my mind that is you if you are ready for me.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Loren

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 12:58 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: For Tess,

Dearest Lauren,

Oh how my heart has swelled reading your lovely message! I am engorged thinking of how you also believe we are soul mates!!! I have dreamed many dreams that a man such as yourself would find me and sweep me off of my feet and carry me through the threshold of love and marriage. That I would, one day, be able to look someone in the eye and say "Yes, you are my man. I am your woman. We are married and together and one and in love and happy and rapturous."

I'm also overjoyed that you love black velvet paintings of Elvis too! I have 23 paintings in my personal collection. My favorite one is where Elvis is sitting on a horse drinking a beer out of a Viking helmet. If you like I can send it to you to add to your collection!

Please tell me more about your daughter...our daughter. I hope that she'll allow me to hold her close to my bosom so that she can hear my heart beat for her. That she'll allow me to teach her things that her mother was unable to teach her. I want so desperately to teach her how to cook. How to sew. How to create paper mache masks of European leaders. All of the things my mother taught me.

As I write this, I am crying. I’m crying for our future. I’m crying for our happiness. The very thought of finally finding someone to share the rest of my life makes me float enthusiastically on the sea of enchanted, joyous love. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and affectionately nibble on your eyebrows.

Lauren. I LOVE YOU!!!

With all of my heart and arteries,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 3:14 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Hi Love

Hi Love,

This is an experience I must share heart and soul. It keeps me speechless knowing that you are actually existing somewhere for me. Your words are the exact word of angels.

Mere imagination of your kind of natural beauty kept me awake all last night, I smiled at every feature gaze of your amazing nature; it caught me acting like yester year’s youth.

Are you for real?

Can I boldly tell my Daughter who has been kin to have a mother, that I have found myself a Wife and for her a mother?

I want you to ride a while in my world of thought and imaging my mood now that I drop you this Draft; I see tomorrow in my dream world where I call you my Queen, you call me your King and my daughter calls you Mum!

Please Come and crown me up!!!!!

Can we chat on yahoo messenger IM? Here is my ID you can add me; lpaige1278

Loren

___________________________

Author note: I decided that the best way to profess my love is to get some help. I figured that the 'Oak Ridge Boys' would be helpful.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 30, 2009 8:50 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Hi Love

Oh Lorin!!!

Your love keeps lifting me higher!!! You know, once I was downhearted and disappointment was my closest friend. But then you came into my life. I’m so glad I finally found you! I WISH my loving arms around you.

Honey, I can stand up and face the world!!!

I’m blushing about how you have been picturing my natural beauty at night. I was thinking about you too. I can picture your rugged 45 year old muscles and short-cropped hair. I picture you as a handsome David Caruso! My heart is beating faster as I think about you as I type on my keyboard right now. Oooooh! I’m also blushing when you called me your queen! You can count on me crowning you up!!! Ha ha

Please tell your daughter that you have found your “soul mate”, your wife, and your best friend! Please tell her that I will be there for her when she has her first kiss, her first car, her first husband, and her first house.

Bless you baby, I LOVE you so! Love from whom all blessings flow. Me to you and you to me – this is how it’s going to be. Every time I think about it, I just want to lift my heart and sing!!!! I honestly believe that every man should have a good woman (that’s me), and every woman should have a good man (that’s you). Won’t you stand along beside me and let me do the best I can?

I want us to take each other’s heart in hand and sing to God!!!

I LOVE YOU Lorin!!!

Your Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 01, 2009 2:17 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: You give Me Hope

My Love Tess,

Do you know that my daughter has been following you letters, I most confess that she read your last email and busted into tears. She said that you are so open hearted with all word futures she anticipate in a Mum and that you really torch something in her. I feel greater than she does imagining the mystery that brought us this close.

We went to church this early to pray and seek Gods face in this Union, you that is for better for worst?

I must confess that we barely met but I'm in love already your enchantment has overwhelmed me like the snow engulfs the hills in the winter.

Tell me more about you; your age, occupation, faith, interest, location and your plans for us?

Send me your picture now?

Wake up and reply me my dear because I’m awake with my Daughter praying that you are as real as you sound on the email.

I pledge all my love

Loren

___________________________

Author note: Celine Dion helped me a little with this message.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 01, 2009 4:23 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: You give Me Hope

My Dearest Login,

I'm so deeply touched that your daughter has already accepted me as her new mother. I see a light in the sky. Oh, it's almost blinding me...I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love. Please tell her that she means as much to me as I mean to her and as much as I mean to you.

I LOVED how you said that my enchantment overwhelms you like the snow engulfs the hills in winter. I feel the same way about you. My feelings for you flood me like a basement in Kentucky after a really big rainstorm. My heart is racing right now like Jeff Gordon's car in the UAW-Ford 500 at Talladega just thinking about you.

I Love You!!!

You asked me to tell you more about myself. That is the first time any man has asked me that! That is how I know you are the one for me! My love for you is hot and squishy like a Krispy Kreme donut right out of the machine (when they give you a free one while you stand in line).

I consider myself a very handsome woman of 42 years. I drive an ice cream truck for Mr. Softee's Mega Ice Cream Delivery Fleet. I am a God-fearing woman who goes to church 4 times a week (I also sing in the choir - I have the voice of an angel). I Love You!!! I grew up in Kentucky, but moved to the Seattle Washington area about 10 years ago. You already know that my hobby is collecting black velvet paintings of Elvis. I believe every house should have at least one painting just to brighten the decor and give it some class.

I Love You!!!

As for our future plans...I cannot believe you have to ask. I have told you how much I love you. I've told you that I will be the mother for your daughter that she has never had. I want us to be together...forever! I want to be the person who gives you a sponge-bath when you are old and feeble and can no longer stand up without a walker with cut tennis balls on the bottom of the legs. When we are old and gray, I want us to swap our false teeth and see if we can eat corn on the cob with them.

You are MY LOVE!!!

I'm awake now. Your prayers have been answered! Your love for me is like Folger's coffee at 5:32am on a rainy day! It wakes me and makes me feel refreshed and alive!!

Please write to me soon!

Your Lovely Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: He didn't write me the next day, so I was scared that something terrible has happened to him.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 8:10 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Where are you?!?

Dearest Lauren,

Why haven’t you written me!?! Where are you!?! Are you OK!?!

I LOVE YOU!!!

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 11:16 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Going to CO!

Dear Love,

I'm heading to Colorado to meat my Daughter.
were are you now too?
I missed you.
Can you send me your picture?
I want to keep you close to my heart forever.

I love you!!!

loren

___________________________

Author note: OK people. Have you been paying attention here? If you look at the earlier message Loren (my love) said that he and his daughter went to church together. If they were together, why is he travelling to Colorado to "meat" (sic) with her?

I'm going to let that slide for now. I'm in love!
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 1:54 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Going to CO!

Oh Lorin,

I LOVE Colorado!!! I’ve always wanted to live there. The air is so clean and the mountains are as beautiful as me. While you are there, please look at the mountains. My love for you is higher than the tallest one!!

Please give your daughter a hug and kiss from me…her new mother.

I’ve included a recent picture for you. Please send one of yourself too. I want to keep it close to my bosom until we finally meet face-to-face.

I love you more than chocolate ice cream with syrup, whipped cream, colored sprinkles, and 3 cherries – inside a waffle bowl that was dipped in chocolate.

Please be safe during your journey.

I Love You,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I sent Loren a photograph of myself. Of course it happens to be a convicted felon from Tennassee, but I think I'm pretty.

Click here to see the photo

OK people, brace yourselves! Here's where Mr. Paige becomes a HUGE pervert. I almost cut him off right there, but decided to see if the request for money was going to surface. Plus, I wanted to have some fun with him.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 02, 2009 3:40 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Do you like sex?

Love,

You are truly beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't wait to have you in my arms, on my bed, in my kitchen, on me!!!!!!!!
Do you like sex?
I do but have not had it in about 18years now.
love to talk to you on yahoo messenger

I love you TESS

Loren

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Friday, July 03, 2009 10:05 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dear Lorin,

I do consider myself beautiful, but if you simply want to foster an online relationship simply to talk about sex, well you can count me out!

I sympathize with you, but I cannot imagine a strong, handsome man who looks like David Caruso has been celibate for 18 years!

If you are trying to get me to use Yahoo Messenger to have freaky sex chat, then I consider our pending marriage over!

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 8:31 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

I'm so sorry, You mis understude the whole thing.

I still feel for you.
Loren

___________________________

Author note: I think I understood him perfectly.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 9:05 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dear Login,

Thank you so much for your apology. That fact that you took the time to apologize shows me how sensitive and wonderful you are.

I understand how my beauty must have driven you wild and you lost your mind. That happens. You’re not the first man to go wild with passion when he’s had a taste of my gorgeousness. To be honest, I’m flattered. I just want to save the sweet “naughtiness” for our honeymoon.

I have very durable feelings for you too. I still love you more than all of the green M&M’s produced by M&M/Mars in 1973!

Have a wonderful day in Colorado with your daughter.

With Love,

Tess

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 9:19 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

God bless you my dear can I have your #
___________________________

Author note: I wanted to give him the chance to contact me, but I had to come up with an excuse as to why I won't be able to reciprocate. I figured a tragic accident would work.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 04, 2009 12:48 PM
To: lpaige1278@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: Do you like sex?

Dearest Login,

I've been keeping a secret from you. I'm not proud of myself for doing so, but I didn't want to scare you away.

About 3 weeks ago I was in a pretty serious car accident. In the impact, my jaw was broken. Right now, my jaw has 3 screws and enough metal to make an antenna for a short-wave radio. Basically, I cannot speak.

I was afraid to tell you because if you saw my face right now, you might consider me deformed and run away.

I know I should have told you, but you must understand that I truly want us to be together. I want us to be together like peanut butter and jelly. Like chocolate and milk. Like skin rashes and landscapers. Your love means everything to me, and I hope that you will not leave me now that you know my situation.

The doctors have told me that I will have the wiring removed in 9 weeks and then I'll have another 4 weeks of physical therapy. During that time, I will have to learn to speak again. They've also assured me that I will not be permantently deformed or anything.

I would still LOVE to hear your voice. Please call me at 206-338-0283.

I can't wait to hear you sexy David Caruso voice.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
___________________________

Author note: Once I gave him my phone number, he couldn't resist calling me to tell me how much he loves me. I think my beauty and my phone number were just too much for him to handle.

Click here to listen to the voicemail from Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 05, 2009 7:01 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Thank you for the message...

Dearest Lorgin,

I cannot tell you how touched I am hearing your sweet sweet voice. When you told me that you “love” me made my jaw clench. Of course since it’s broken, I was in a considerable amount of pain and had to take a pain reliever. But, it was still wonderful to hear from you.

I cannot wait until the doctor removes the wire that is holding my jaw together and I can go through my physical therapy so that I can talk to you and you can hear my beautiful voice. When you hear my angelic voice, you may be lost in the blissful desire of love and beauty (it’s happened before) and find yourself floating on the wings of heavenly desire. When we finally meet face-to-face (and I can eat solid foods again), we’ll have to go out to dinner and just talk and talk and talk.

I’m afraid for your mental state when that happens because when you see my natural beauty and hear my beautiful voice when I’m wearing one of my beautiful dresses you may just lose your mind. You see, when I look in the mirror and see myself with my hair in a ponytail and my make-up is just right, I believe I am more stunning than Pamela Anderson when she played Barb Wire in 1996.

I want you to understand that I “love” you. I “know” that we will be together forever. You have repeatedly expressed your love and desire for me too. But, I want to be sure. The only way that I can truly be sure that you “love” me is by proposing to me.

I would LOVE for you to formally propose to me in an e-mail message. Would you do that for me? Would you formally propose to me? Please make it one of your lovely messages full of love and longing.

I wait for your melodic, sweet-tempered message my love.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 2:01 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: I was testing the waters

Dear Tess,

I really miss you and can't wait to be around you, sharing the warmth on your shoulder. please my dear get well soon for me.

How soon do you want to be married to me?

I planing to travel to London for an exhibition, will you come with me?

l love you.

Loren

___________________________

Author note: I think Loren has a new author. His messages don't convey the love they once did. And, he is clearly getting me mixed up with another woman. I think I'm getting a little jealous.

Oh, Celine Dion is my love letter helper on this one too.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 5:42 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Dear Latrine,

What do you mean “get well soon”? I’m not sick. Did you think I caught the “Swing Flu”? If so, I haven’t. I do have a slight pain in my lower back, but other than that, I’m fine. Now that you mention it, I’ve had a little scratch in my throat which makes me cough a little, but other than that I’m feeling great.

I would LOVE to be married on November 23rd. I’ve always dreamed of getting married on that day. It just has a wonderful ring to it – don’t you agree? But, I don’t want to “jump the gun”. I need a formal proposal from you. I need to read those beautiful words typed by your fingers.

I would love to go to London with you, but I’m busy that weekend. Wait as second, when are you going to London? What airline are you going to use? Where will you stay? How long will you be gone? What brand of luggage do you use?

I’ll be waiting for you here inside my heart. I’m the one who wants to love you more. You will see I can give you everything you need. Let me be the one to love you more.

Love always,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I didn't think he noticed how I was changing his name. I guess this one caught his eye.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 8:44 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Tess,

good to here from again.
By the way who is Latrine,

loren

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2009 10:29 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: I was testing the waters

Dearest Lorin,

I’m so sorry. It must have been a slip of my finger on the keyboard.

I still love you more than ever.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: At this point I wanted to give Loren a little taste of neurosis. I decided to accuse him of cheating on me.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 5:48 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: Are you seeing someone else?!?

Dearest Loren,

I can’t help but notice that you haven’t written me any of your beautiful, love-filled messages since I told you about my accident. I don’t want to sound like a jealous woman, but are you seeing someone else?

If you are, I think my heart might just break into a thousand pieces and I will die from blood loss! In the short time that we have been communicating I have grown very close to you. I trust you with my heart and my body and my mind. If you were to tell me that you have found another woman I’m not sure what would happen. All I do know is that it would be bad.

Please let me know about our trip to London. Tell me how you want to be with me. Tell me how happy I make you.

Please send a photo of yourself so that I can love your photo as much as I love you.

With love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 8:30 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: Re: Are you seeing someone else?!?

My Love

Is you all the way
I love you Tess
Thanks, Im happy that you are following me to london.
it will be a real good time out there.

I love you my dear.
Loren
___________________________

Author note: So, he’s professed his love to me again, but he said that I was following him. Well, we can’t have him thinking I’m a little puppy he can kick around…
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 09, 2009 2:58 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: What do you mean follow you?

Dear Lorin,

Follow you!?! What do you mean follow you? I am an independent woman and I don’t follow anyone!

I was under the impression that we were going to fly to London together…as a couple…in love…happily…joyfully! Now that I think about it, you haven’t even told me when we were supposed to go. I don’t know the date. I don’t know the airline. I don’t know where we are staying. I don’t know the type of luggage you use.

All of these things are important!

Now, I love you. You know that. But, now I’m beginning to think you are seeing another woman. If that’s true, I’m afraid that I might just pass-out and hit my head on something hard. This would give me a concussion and I could die. That would make me very upset.

Please get me the details for our trip. Please reassure me that you are not having an e-affair. Please give my heart some much-needed rest so that it can beat again only for you and your David Caruso good looks.

With love and helium balloons,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 4:29 PM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: My Love

Baby I am not seen anybody. I have been busy trying to arrange my self and daughter for the trip. I am not seen any other woman neither am I inlove with any woman.

I ended my search since I found you, so please baby don't say things that will break m heart.

I will email you much later, but want to drop this few lines. I have things to tell you anyway.

take care love.

Loren.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 8:11 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: My Love

Oh Loring,

You have no idea how happy your message has made me!! I feel like I am floating with the clouds (not the Cumulonimbus clouds because they are very dangerous). My heart is flying like a bird who is in love with another bird who is also flying with her in the sky above the ground.

I was contacted by my doctor today and he wants me to come to his “special” jaw office in Boston to really look at my jaw with a special new set of special devices called the Jaw Optical Khamsin Equipment. I guess it’s pretty special stuff and should tell him everything about my jaw.

I will be gone for the entire week and won’t be able to get any messages until the 20th of July.

I will miss you more than chocolate mousse in fine china, but I must think of my health.

Please don’t forget me while I’m gone.

Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I had to make up the story that I was travelling because my REAL family and I were going away on vacation and I wasn’t about to log onto some computer just to check on my scammers. My hope was that this yo-yo would wait for me.

He did.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 16, 2009 10:21 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: I am healing quite well...

Dearest Loren,

I’ve returned early from my serious examination and I’m happy to report that my jaw is healing quite nicely. Dr. Mandible said that I only have 9 more weeks of healing before I will begin going to physical therapy! I’m very excited.

Please tell me what has been happening with you and our daughter.

I can’t wait to hear from you my LOVE!!!
Love,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 11:23 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: GET WELL MY LOVE


Pretty,

Am happy to hear that your jaw is healing very fast and that shows you are responding quite well to the treatment.I believe that you will begin your physical therapy before the nine months.Am praying for you all night for you to get well soon.I pray for god every night to send you a guardian angel.

My daughter is fine,i told her about you and she wish you quick recuperation.Though i might not be there physically but am right there behind you.You are all that i think of and promise to be there for you.I love you and will always love you.

God bless you and remain intensely chilled till i hear from you.
I love you.
Loren.

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 12:45 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: I LOVE YOU

Dearest Tessy,

What a wonderful beginning to a new day! It began like a dream -- me finding you, sending you email, confessing my love, and then it happens all over again. The feelings that I’ve felt for you all along begin to resurface. Only this time, I am free to act on them without fear of upsetting anyone.

Thank you, Tessy. What more can a man say to the woman who opened her heart to him, allowing him to feel the warmth of her love across the great distance that separates them? You truly have no idea what I feel for you..

I try to put this feeling into words, but fail miserably. This feeling of being both scared and at peace, of having both butterflies and a sense of calm, is a feeling that I have only dreamed about. As the days continue to pass, my love for you continues to grow. I never thought I had the capacity to love anybody as much as I love you right now. Yet, my love for you continues to mature, growing beyond the realm of my heart. It seems that you have become the fiber of my soul, the very reason for my existence.

I have no other words to describe the way you make me feel. No words, no actions could even come close. I believe that Ronald Regan said it best to Nancy in a letter, telling her only that, "I more than love you". Their love was a strong love, surviving everything, even death. I believe that even after his passing, Nancy felt Ronald's love for her raining down upon her. That is why she has always seemed at peace after the death of such a truly loving husband. That is the love that I feel for you.

I love you forever and wish you quick recuperation,

Forever yours,

Loren

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle [mailto:tess.steckle@live.com]
Sent: Monday, July 20, 2009 9:15 PM
To: lpaige1278@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: I LOVE YOU

Deary Loren,

Your message has filled my heart with helium. It's floating in the sky like a little, purple balloon of love (of course it beats with a high-pitched thump, but that's from the helium)!!

I too, feel that my expression of love using mere words fails to show you the true depth of my lovingfulness. If my love were a country, it would be China because they have so many people. If my love were a bank account, it would belong to Bill Gates!!

You are the incandescent bulb to my lamp. You are the hot water hose to my washing machine. Without you, I am nothing but worthless furniture and appliances.

Please, please, please, never leave me!!

I Love You,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 3:58 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: MY HEART MY LOVE

Dearest Tessy,

how is your health and the examination going.i got the email you sent, it was very romantic. it keep me thinking of you all night and day without concentrating on what i was doing.

My love,i will be travelling to the uk by tomorrow.i have secure my documents including that of my daughter because there's no one to leave her behind with.Am sorry i have to be travelling this period that you need me to stand by you as you go thro' your therapy.my clients are on my neck and i dont want to loose them to other collectors.I will be away for just some weeks and i will be back for you to be with you forever.

i love you

Loren
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 7:57 AM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: London...without me!

Loren,

Is this the trip to London that I was supposed to go too?!? If so, how could you leave without me?

It’s that other woman isn’t it!??! Uh Oh!!! Did you hear that?!? That was my heart breaking!! Ouch…ugh…oy... Yup, that’s my heart breaking all right!

How could you do this to me?!? How could you go to London without me? How could you go with that other woman!?! Now, I’m going to be left here with a broken jaw and a broken heart!

I’m deeply vexed,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 8:25 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: YOU AND ONLY

My love,

You dont have to think i don't want to go with you neither am i travelling with another woman.I love you and i can never find happiness from any strange woman.you are the reasons i live and i have promised never to make you cry.

Hunnie,you know am going for a business trip and not for pleasure,am not going to london to live there but just for a short business trip and will be back before you know it.I regret leaving you on your condition .My clients are on my neck and i have to go get them what they want before i loose them to other collectors.

Sweetie,you dont have to doubt my sincerety and faithfullness,the whole world knows i love you and that i will never betray your love for me.you have to go thro' your therapy so i can travel to purchase some ANTIQUES for my clients.I will make sure you aren't far from me because i will be sending you emails and calling you every minute.

My heart please understand that i have to go for my business,i promise when am back i will take you round the world if you so pleased.i have been hurt once and i understand how it feels to be hurt.I will never think of hurting you not when am still alive.I have to hurry my trip in other to meet the demands of my clients.My love am sorry....sincerely from my heart.

I love you and will always love you..
Loren

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 5:14 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: YOU AND ONLY

Dear Lorin,

Thank you for your heartfilled message. But, you said that WE were going to go to London together and now you are telling me that you have people on your neck. Are you in trouble? Are you dealing with bad people? I cannot be involved with someone who has BAD people trying to sit on his neck and other body parts. I am afraid for your safety now.

Should I call the police?!?

I'm so upset right now. I'm afraid for your safety, but I'm also afraid that I've fallen in love with someone who has ties with the mafia or something else equally bad. Now, the stress is causing my jaw to hurt and my eyes are tearing up.

I have to take some liquid aspirin...wait a second...ok...stupid cap...oh...there it goes...yuck...uhm...ouch...ugh...

Now, my jaw hurts, my eyes are tearing up, and the liquid aspirin DOES NOT taste like bubblegum!!! Yuck!

I'm sorry Loren, but I'm not sure this love affair is going to work out. First, you start seeing other women after you tell me you love me. Then, you tell me we're going to go on a trip together, but you leave without me. Now, your getting mixed up with the mafia.

My heart can only take so much stress.

I still love you Lorin. I suppose I always will. But, what else can I do? Please help me.

Love

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 10:10 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: MY LOVE MY WIFE

my love,

It's obvious you misunderstood my statement regarding my clients being on my neck.I dont patronise BAD people neither am into business invoving the mafians coming after me.It simply means that my clients are anxious,they needed the goods very quickly for their own business.The clients are my very good clients that pay me without delays whenever am back from my trip.They couldn't wait any longer for me promising to travel very soon just because i wanted you to get well fast so we can travel together.My heart,you know the kind of business i do is highly competitive and for you to succeed,you need a competitive accumen.I dont want to loose my clients to other collectors.i have to satisfy their belief and trust for my products.

Hunnie,i love you so much and i can never leave you for another woman.You should know that MUTUAL TRUST,CARE AND LOVE are all that are needed for a successful relationship.There's no magic wand involve.Sweetie,believe me,my heart can never accomodate any other woman because i love you.You are the reason for my existence, i promise never to betray your trust and love for me no matter where i found myself.Darling,i need you to be strong for me and stop hurting yourself by crying.

Finally,am in the UK and i promise to return in less than three weeks.I would have love to have you here with me but am not here for pleasure strictly for business my love.I will be home even before your therapy is over.You are the woman of my dream and you will remain so close to my heart even though am far away.Just be there for me and i will never disappoint your LOVE for me even in the face of death.

I love you and will always love you.

Forever yours,

Kelvin
___________________________

Author note: I was really thinking about stopping my charade with this guy. After so long communicating with him, I began to wonder if he really did love Tess. But, if you notice his last message, he signed it Kelvin. Well, that’s when I realized he’s playing with women and I decided he needed some “hammer time”!

Time to break out the "CRAZY"!!!
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Friday, July 24, 2009 4:48 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: MY LOVE MY WIFE

Loren,

I just received your message and it has lifted me higher than a dirigible! I'm soaring with the eagles right now. It is such a relief knowing that you are not “patronizing” bad people. When I stop to think about what they would do to me if you were to upset them...it just makes me shiver all over.

I was so scared yesterday. I had all of the locks changed on my apartment because I didn't want some sweaty, muscled, tattooed man breaking in and trying to hurt me because you were dealing in black market antiquities. I couldn't sleep all night long! Every bump or creak made me scream. I called 911 four times. I was hysterical!!!

What I still don't understand is why you think that I couldn't go to London with you. I can travel with my broken jaw. I told you how I traveled to Boston to see my jaw doctor, Dr. Mandible. Is it because you think I'm ugly with the metal jaw support harness? If that is the reason, then I'm afraid that our engagement is off! You have to love ALL of me. You have to love me from the top of my head to the crusty bottoms of my feet. That includes my guts too you know!?!

I just feel like there's 4,799 miles (7,723 km) separating us right now. I feel there's so much to say, but no words to convey. The loneliness building with each passing day. But, I'm getting used to it. I have to get used to it. But, I get carried away with every day and every fantasy. The deeper the wound, the harder I swoon and with that that was me.

Is there any way you could come back sooner? I have to know that you're back on American soil. That your back on American soil for me. For me and our daughter. Please tell me that you'll quit selling black market antiquities and return to America and together we can sell honest antiques together.

I love you so much Kelvin!

Tess

___________________________

Author note: Husband?!? I don’t remember any ceremony or ring or vows. He sure is pushy.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 3:45 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: THE ONLY WOMAN IN MY LIFE

My love,

As i told you in my last letter i dont deal on legal or black market antiquities,i have enough that can buy me real antiques and i will never be involved in any shady deal called black market.You dont have to be scared of anything,your husband is into a genuine business with government backing..This trip isn't the first and i have never be involved in any thing called black market.

Sweetie,i love you more than you could ever imagined.I dont love you because you are beautiful,those looks will wear out some day.I look into the heart and follow what the hearts says.My intuition never failed me when i found you.I love everything about you regardless of your broken jaw or any other.Genuine love doesn't count for all those things because they are all secondary compared to the love i have for you.Darling.i love you sincerely from my heart and nothing will ever make me change my stands on that.Your love has eaten all part of me and i will forever love you.

My heart,spirit,soul and body.You dont have to think i didn't want to travel with you to london neither am i scared of your broken jaws but just wanted you to have enough time to continue your therapy.I love you and will be proud to go with one of the most beautiful woman on planet earth to london .You are my jewel of inestimable value,there's only one you in my life and will be very happy to tour round the world with you.My love i promise to hurry up my purchases and rush back to the states to be with the only woman that have shown me love.

Hunnie here is my london line you can call me so we keep in touch always.+447035931879.

Remain intensely chilled,i love you and will always love you.

Forever yours,

Loren.
___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2009 4:00 AM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: HATE MISSING YOU

Dearest Tessy,

I wish I didn't have to miss you. If only you could be with me always. I know I could never be any sad. But then again, I know that the day will come when I will be able to spend my every walking moment with you. I even miss you when I am sleeping!

I love you, babe. You are my first and my only love, and I thank you for being so kind with my heart. Hopefully, soon I won't have to hate missing you.


Still expecting your call.....i love you
Love Always,

Loren

___________________________

Author note: I thought I would push things a little. I want to see where this “relationship” is going. Is he going to start begging for money? Is he going to ask for my address so he can show up at my doorstep? He keeps changing his title from boyfriend to pervert to husband, so I think it’s high time for him to tell me more.
___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Monday, July 27, 2009 8:53 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: I'm sorry...but I have to tell you...the following...

Loren,

Where is this going? Where are we going? You call yourself my husband, yet I feel more distant from you than when we first met.

Your daughter needs a mother, yet I have never seen her. I wouldn’t know her if I hit her with my car. I wouldn’t know you if I hit you with my car. I wouldn’t know your dead wife if I hit her with my car (of course that would be pretty creepy because she would have to be a zombie or something). But, I think you see what I mean.

You invite me to go on trips, but never take me. Instead, you go on the trips by yourself meeting “customers” dealing with old things. I don’t even know where you’re staying in London. I don’t know if you have a rental car. I don’t know what airline you used. I don’t know if you had a “carry-on” bag, or if you checked everything. I don’t know if you wear the right colored socks with your trousers and stuff. You might be a habitual criminal for the fashion police, but I would never know.

Do you brush your teeth with your left or right hand? Do you wear glasses or contact lenses? What’s your prescription? Do you have any prosthetic limbs? Were you ever mauled by a wildebeest? Do you have any scars? If so, what caused them? Do you like dogs, cats, iguanas, leopard geckos, or Chinese Water Dragons?

I just feel that we are drifting apart. I find myself looking in the mirror saying “Tess, you deserve more!”, and I’m right! I need someone to hold me tight and say “Tess, you are the reason I convert oxygen to carbon dioxide.” “You make it possible to convert basic food into energy to sustain my body to love you another day.” “If Love were people, my heart would be China.”.

I have a special place in my heart for you Kelvin. It’s on the left side, lower quadrant, between the atrium and ventricle, right below the coronary artery. I suppose you will always be in my heart, but I guess I’ll never know for sure because doctors are afraid to look there too hard.

I hope your sale was worth my heart.

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 28, 2009 9:30 PM
To: tess.steckle@live.com
Subject: THE WOMAN I LOVE

My love,

you sound as if am not going to be home,all i need from you now aren't all those things.i need you to be my guardian angel,a loving wife,a pillar of which i lean on.Lets stop all these arguements,i dont think we need them now and concentrate on how to make our relationship perfect.We have dwelt too much on this same issue.I think is high time we went forward and make this our 'made in heaven' marriage worthwhile.

Yes my daughter needs you as a loving mother and i want to be your husband.I love you will all my heart and there's nothing anybody can say about it.All those questions you asked would be answered the moment you set your eyes on me and my daughter.My dear,you worth more than everything on this earth to me.You are my jewel of inestimable value,the treasure that i seek,a precious and a priceless Diamond.What else can i say of
a
woman i have dreamth of being my wife and now am face with the reality of having her by my side always.

Though we might be far away from each other but never far from your heart.As i said earlier,even if we are miles away hence the communication is there that wont be a problem.The world today is a global village where distance is never a barrier to those that know what they seek.Darling,we are meant to be and we shall be forever.All i need from you now is to keep in touch with me always and stand by me while my purchases here last.

Hunnie,i expected your call but you never did.I want to be very close to your heart even if am not there with you.I think of you all day and night just want to be with you.I want to wake up and see you by my side.Please my love come over to the yahoo messenger so we can talk always because that we provide us the platform of chatting every minutes and it would bridge the gap of distance too.

I love you and will always love you as long as i still breath.

Forever yours,

Loren.

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Wednesday, July 29, 2009 6:29 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: THE WOMAN I LOVE

Lorin,

On one hand, I love the words of love and lovingness from you. On the other hand, I wear a glove. I've come to the conclusion that all you will be able to give me are words. I need the other glove! You see, many people wear gloves. Some gloves help them drive. Others keep their hands warm in cold weather. Some wear gloves so their fingerprints don't get on things. Some people wear gloves to see how clean (or dirty) things are. Micheal Jackson wore gloves. Now, he's dead!

I've told you about my broken jaw and how I cannot speak loud enough to talk on the phone. I've told you about the doctor visits. I've told you how I have 7 weeks left in the Jaw Immobilization Mandible Harness. But, you keep asking me to call you. You know I cannot call you! I've told you about my inability to use a phone. But, you've been talking on the phone Lorin!!! I can tell you've been using the phone!! I can tell by the way you use the letter 'j' that you've been using the phone!

You've been talking to your girlfriend again!!! You're talking to your HEALTHY JAW GIRLFRIEND and it breaks my heart! My heart is broken into 561 fragments and I'm bleeding internally right now. My eyesight is hazy and I feel weak!

You continuously break my heart and speak to that other woman. I bet you bought her a glove!! I bet you bought her a whole pair!!! What color were they Loren? Were they made of nylon or leather? Were they lined?!? Were the Isotoner gloves? I bet they were! I need my gloves! Where are my gloves!?!

I'm convinced that you don't read my messages anymore. I've poured my heart out to you. I've shown things to you that I've never shown anyone else. I've let you see the "inner" me. The me that is warm and beautiful and full of blood and guts and stuff. I've told you about my collection of black velvet Elvis art.

Wait a second...that's it...it's so clear now...I see everything...that's it...THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!

You're trying to get to my collection of black velvet Elvis paintings!!! You want my ART!!! You're trying to steal my art and sell it on the black market!! I was going to wake up one day and find every wall in my trailer completely bare, while you and your daughter drive away in a 1992 baby blue, Dodge Caravan (with wood paneling) laughing with all of my paintings!

Well, mister, I can tell you right now, you'll NEVER get my collection!!! I'm going to change all of the locks on my trailer TODAY!!! You'll never get your gloved hands on my 54 paintings!!!

You're dead to me Kelvin! You were doing this to steal my heart and my paintings. I bet you were going to steal my collection of Elvis snow globes too! Well, I'm wise to you now! You're lovely, gloved words don't work with me anymore!

Enjoy your other girlfriend,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

From: Loren M. Paige [mailto:lpaige1278@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 1:51 AM
To: Tess Steckle
Subject: WAITING FOR YOU

MY LOVE COULD YOU GET ON YOUR YAHOO MESSENGER SO WE CAN CHAT SO OFTEN.I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU EVERY MINUTES.I LOVE YOU AND WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU.

___________________________

From: Tess Steckle
Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2009 6:00 PM
To: 'Loren M. Paige'
Subject: RE: WAITING FOR YOU

Lorin,

You see!?! You just don't get it. You keep using your words! It's always words! I need more! I'm special! I'm a complex woman with complex needs and complex ideas and complex stuff. Yahoo Messenger can't do anything to salvage this relationship. Yahoo Messenger will only allow you to keep using your words. Your duplicitous, crafty, clandestine, misleading, sneaky words of deception.

You're simply trying to use your words to get close to me so you can sell my black velvet Elvis art on the black velvet market. You didn't deny it. This is absolute proof that I was right! Well, you can forget it. I've changed the locks on my trailer and installed a home security system from Radio Shack. My paintings are well protected now.

How is your OTHER girlfriend? I can tell you were talking to her again! The one you gave the gloves to. I can tell you've been talking by the way you used the word "YAHOO" in your message. It sickens me! I'm sickened right now! I'm sickened to my bowels! You sicken me! You're sickening!

I feel sorry for you Kelvin. You have a disease. A disease of the heart. A disease of the brain. Your disease makes you think that you can hold a woman's heart in one hands while you steal her black velvet Elvis paintings with your other. I only hope you can find a cure for your heart and brain...I really do.

Our relationship is over. Your treacherous words have no effect on me anymore. You will never get my black velvet Elvis paintings. My trailer has new locks and an alarm system from Radio Shack.

Good bye,

Tess
tess.steckle@live.com

___________________________

Author note: I haven’t heard from Loren/Kelvin for a day. I’m not sure if he is giving up on me or what. I think I might let things rest a while and then start him back up again. I’m just not sure yet.
___________________________